Category: Be The Best.

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Be The Best.

Good, it’s Friday

Fridays always seem better than other days, don’t they? The anticipation of the weekend, a bit more casual, somehow lighter.

Respectfully, Good Friday has always had an ironic twist. What’s good about celebrating the death of Jesus on a cross? The answer of course is tied to what happens next. Good Friday is kinda dark, unless you have Easter Sunday. That changes everything. And it’s good to remember the Friday. Just don’t stay there.

This blog kicked off on an Easter weekend in 2010. A few weeks ago, we stood by Chris’ Wall, as we call it, surrounded by towering trees protecting the grounds in a south Langley cemetery. It was Tuesday, March 25. A dark day? 15 years to the day later? Yes. Sure. Of course. But is there hope? YES. Just like an Easter Sunday.

And what brings the hope? I would say that much of our hope is made from decisions we continue to make. How are we going to honour Chris? How are we going to try to Be the Best? How are we going to try to help others and be a positive influence?

If you had to try to explain why bad things happen under the umbrella of fairness, I think you’d have a hard time. One trip to a children’s hospital will tell you that life isn’t necessarily ‘fair’. I’ve come to believe we can generate a lot of our own hope and goodwill by decisions we make. It doesn’t change the loss or the tough things that have happened. But it does empower you to fuel the future.

The story of Easter and the fact that Easter Sunday WILL follow Good Friday, provides the story of hope, renewal and a new beginning. Things are never the same, they are just new and different and you get to define much of that journey.

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Seek and you shall Fund

Maybe it’s a Dad thing. Maybe it’s a Randy thing. I guess it’s both. I can’t resist a pun or a wordplay. Yes, the true phrase, ‘seek and you shall find’, is from the Good Book and is great advice. Seeking is about being proactive and making things happen. Fully agree. However, some things in life find you. When you are not expecting them. Think about your own situation. Illnesses, accidents, family situations out of your control. That kind of stuff. When Chris passed away, that was something that found us in a big way obviously! Like Mike Tyson states, ‘Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face’. Never a truer word said, Mr. Tyson!

So, here you are, you’ve been seeking, planning and being proactive and WHAM – something finds you. One of THE THINGS that helped us through and me personally as a father, business guy and manager, was the understanding that even in that moment and the weeks and months ahead, I was able to control my next decision. So, you could say that even though the worst event for a parent (and family) found us, we were still able to seek and find a future. We could control our next decision.

One of those big decisions was starting Chris’ memorial fund at Simon Fraser University. Although only in high school, he had played lacrosse for SFU coaches. There was a strong tie. The desire to help young people going through SFU and in the lacrosse program was high on the list of things to do! So we did it. With the support of incredible people at SFU (thanks Wanda!), the fund was set up within days. I had a crazy goal of ensuring that fund would reach 100k at some point in the distance future. I was thinking decades. It only took a few years. THANK YOU to all of you who helped to fund and to EVERYONE who reads this as you are part of that fund in spirit and part of Chris’ legacy. We are NOT looking for additional funds but I wanted to provide an update. (click here for SFU story about Chris)

The balance in the endowment is over $109,000 and there is $7,000 to be allocated this spring (2025)! To date, over $40,000 has been distributed in Chris’ memory to lacrosse-playing Simon Fraser University students. Isn’t that crazy? I mean good crazy? That fund will live in perpetuity and each year Chris’ character is remembered through this fund.

Being proactive and understanding the power of choice even when things seem hopelessly out of your control – is something that allowed us to navigate the future. Wherever you are on your life’s journey, I trust you will be able to experience the power of decisions as you move forward.

Seek and you shall fund? Yes, we did.

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Be The Best.

Why We Perceive Events Differently: Lessons from Whales

The sound of speed. Or is it the speed of sound? Or, just how sound travels vs how light travels. On a recent trip to Hawaii, we experienced humpback whales feeding, fin slapping and breaching just off the coastline. You saw them before you heard them. When it was still, you would see them jump and a second later you would hear the massive water slap. Thanks to AI, here are some fascinating facts…unverified!

For example, if a whale jumps 1 kilometer away:

  1. Light from the event reaches your eyes almost instantaneously (in about 0.000003 seconds).
  2. Sound from the splash takes about 2.9 seconds to reach your ears.

This delay becomes more noticeable with increasing distance. The farther away the whale is, the longer the gap between seeing the jump and hearing the splash.

I hope you feel scientifically enriched. And WHAT does this have to do with Be the Best or anything to do with Dads and loss or Chris? Here’s the thinking. Both seeing the whale jump and hearing the jump were real. They just hit us at different times. I’ve said again and again time since Chris’ passing feels like yesterday. Literally. Then again, it feels like 1,000 years. AT THE SAME TIME! How real events ‘hit us’ or are absorbed by our minds or bodies, will be different.

In looking back on 15 years, one key thing that helped us get through was understanding that each of us (starting with our immediate family), needed to process and handle things differently. We all see/hear/feel the SAME EVENT differently.

I know I had to process that a lot as I would usually have ‘A PLAN’ that should be THE plan for everyone. It’s not. We all see and hear things differently. Watching the whales helped remind me of that.

AI generated – my pictures weren’t that great….

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Be The Best.

15 years?

March 2025 will mark 15 years since Chris passed.

Seems crazy even typing that, but here we are. I thought it would be appropriate to do a few 15-year perspectives and use this as a chance to remember Chris. Let’s start with his birthday – Happy Birthday, Chris!

Yes, even after almost 15 years, I can’t take his birthday reminder off my phone – although we don’t need a phone to remember. He would have been 32 this week. Would he be married? Kids? Profession? Other big questions: Would his hair be thinning at that age like that of his old man? Would he have a full head of hair like his Grandpa, Reverend Jake, still going strong at 93? (I’m guessing the latter)

So, Happy Birthday Christian. We always miss ya and love you. And I don’t know if you can do anything about the Canucks from up there, but we’d really appreciate that. Just saying.

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The Beginning’s the End

Well – this is it.

The last blog post for now.

What does ‘now’ mean? 1 month, 1 year or another decade?

Not sure. That’s the thing about the future.

My favourite quote this year – Plans are worthless. Planning is everything. (President Eisenhower) Having lived through 2020 with all of you and the entire planet, I think we can all relate. Pandemics and lockdowns weren’t part of anyone’s plans. I hope.

The big ‘take away’ however, is by having had a plan, the very act of planning puts you in the right mindset to review, PIVOT (2020 mega word) and then move forward.

As I’ve put in probably 100 blog posts over the years, DECISIONS propel us forward. If a decision I make doesn’t get me closer to my goal, I am fully empowered to make another one. And again and again.

Chris passed away March 25, 2010. We think of him and miss him every single day. Holidays like Christmas only emphasize that. We’ve thought about the thousands across the world who have experienced their first Christmas without parents, grandparents and yes even children this week because of COVID. If you are reading this blog and that is your situation, we empathize and know how tough all those ‘firsts’ are. (continued below pics)

I will not try to candy coat things and say that ‘time heals all’ which is a phrase I disagree with having lived without my son for over 10 years. Time doesn’t heal. Time allows you perspective and gives you the amazingly wonderful opportunity to make choices. In the next 24 hours of my life, I will be able to make dozens of choices that can propel me forward or send me backward. Be The Best was what Chris was aiming to achieve. Aiming to be. His vision. His body of work showed us that the mix of vision and hard work paved that road. Although his journey was cut way too short, we’ll aim to live with that same thinking. That won’t bring Chris back. That won’t make us miss him less or wonder every day where life would have taken him. It will, however, propel us forward with purpose and encouragement to make choices that propel us forward and hopefully those around us as well.

All the very best to you until the next post – whenever that may be. 😉 This end is simply another beginning. And so it goes! Decision made.

Chris’ is remembered forever with a memorial fund at Simon Fraser University that provides lacrosse playing student athletes a monetary award each year. The fund itself will live in perpetuity. Donations are tax deductible and can be made direct through SFU. The family has also pre-purchased Be The Best merch that allows all moneys raised to go directly to the SFU fund (minus handling expenses)

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Be The Best.

11 days left and then everything will be perfect.

If you have read a blog or two over the years you’ll know I have a penchant for tongue-in-cheek titles. Today is no different. Yes, 11 days left in 2020. That is true if you read this today. If tomorrow, 10. I think we’re on the same page there. The ‘everything will be perfect’ part is another story. If you haven’t updated yourself on the Stockdale Parardox in a while, now is your chance.

This rusted metal ‘ornament’ says it all. Made by Mike and Amelia. Check out their shop.

Face the brutal facts. Move forward. We will win. It may not be January 1, 2021, but we WILL move beyond the pandemic. For now, we have some brutal facts to face including cancelled trips, separation from family and not being allowed to go to the mall. Ok that last one is really a solid gift from covid – from my male perspective. 😉

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end
—which you can never afford to lose —with the discipline
to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality,
whatever they might be.” ~ James Stockdale

We’ve all had some brutal facts to face in 2020. You face them and then make the next decision. When you lose a loved one you have to go through the same process. One of the decisions we made was to honour Chris’ memory with a memorial fund at Simon Fraser University. To date the fund has awarded over $21,000 and we’re just starting as this fund will never end paying out only the interest on investments each year. Congrats to each recipient and I encourage you all to continue to make decision after decision to ‘Be The Best’ as that is an amazing way to remember Chris’ body of work over his 17 years and push you forward toward your individual goals.

All the best for the Christmas week ahead.

Christian Friesen Memorial Award Endowment Recipients

NameDateTypeTerm
Genereux, Luke2012-01-26ScholarshipSpring 2012
Weselowski, Kevin2012-03-14ScholarshipSpring 2012
Clare, Samuel2013-02-14ScholarshipSpring 2013
Bosquet, Bayne2014-03-27ScholarshipSpring 2014
Vickars, Iain2015-02-19ScholarshipSpring 2015
Lashar, Jordan2016-02-17ScholarshipSpring 2016
Stroup, Jordan S.2017-02-16ScholarshipSpring 2017
Lashar, Jeremy A.2017-02-16ScholarshipSpring 2017
Lunde, Gregory2018-02-15ScholarshipSpring 2018
Terrio, Mackenzie B.2018-02-15ScholarshipSpring 2018
Turnbull, Tim2019-02-15ScholarshipSpring 2019
Hicks, Mason R.2019-02-15ScholarshipSpring 2019
Hicks, Mason R.2020-02-25ScholarshipSpring 2020
Way, Cameron A.2020-02-25ScholarshipSpring 2020
    
Total Disbursed$21,605.00  
Stats via SFU
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Shake it up – 10 years later

Part of this 10 year retrospective is looking at posts from 10 years ago. Kinda makes sense seeing that this is a retrospective. Anyhoo – I read this post this morning: bethebest.blog/2010/12/15/shake-it-up/

I’ve pasted in the bulk of it below as I can save you a click. Dec 2010 was a tough time. No doubt. Months removed from Chris’ loss in March 2010 but entering the first Christmas without him. Nothing I would wish on anyone.

https://mymartket.com/collections/chris-friesen-be-the-best

As I reflect back on this post, I remember the gratitude of that day and remembering the generosity of hundreds of people who provided cards, food and words of encouragement and the several thousand who attended his funeral. That show of force, if you will, was so powerful for me and our family. Tangible support without a word spoken. So – if you are thinking of someone who has suffered loss because of COVID, an accident or health issue – any token of connection, concern – and yes, even a quick email – are all felt by the families even if they are not able to properly let you know that. I still feel the support 10 years later. By the way, as we assembled the products in Chris’ honor this year, we included a shaker bottle under the advice of Brent Hoskins, one of Chris’ lacrosse mentors and life guides. Good choice. Shake it up. I’ll include the link with the reminder that anything purchased from the store has already been paid for by our family so the proceeds of your purchase roll into Chris’ fund at SFU which will live forever in support of student athletes who are aiming to Be The Best.

Have a good week.

From December 2010:

I made a shake today for breakfast.

I hadn’t made one in a while…a long while…months, actually.

Chris loved these morning protein shakes.  He wrote the recipe down one time.

Dad’s Jacked Shakes he called it.

The recipe is very simple….a little orange juice, frozen bananas, frozen strawberries, yogurt and a little protein mix.

I’m not sure how long frozen strawberries last, but guess what we still had in the freezer.  Yup, those strawberries all cut up from the funeral on April 1 and frozen.  They were even sweeter today.

It reminded me again of the generosity of so many and I re-read the More Soup for You blog post that was so early in this journey.

You never know the impact of your actions.  We appreciate every bouquet, card, cleaning service, thought, prayer, food item and word of encouragement that has come our way.

I’m looking forward to a few more of those shakes…maybe again tomorrow.

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Numbers that Count.

There’s a lot of numbers out there these days.

COVID infections. COVID hospitalizations. COVID deaths.

We don’t know the future. We can minimize risk by choices we make, but still – things can just happen.

The only thing we ultimately control is our next decision. With that in mind, we can choose to make a difference each day and do something positive each day. Of course we have jobs and school and other stuff. That’s called the ‘whirlwind’. The key is to do just ONE thing beyond the whirlwind each day or week. How many days do we have? That’s interesting.

My Dad, Rev Jake, (Chris’ Grandpa) will be 90 in February 2021. He had calculated how many days he had been alive. Quick – what do you think that number is? 100,000? 50,000? 1 million? Could be.

Wait – let’s do the math – Even at 89 years young – that is only 32,485 days. A mere 4,640 weeks. And yes, you can calculate interesting numbers for yourself at this linked website. (Rev Jake says he’s good for 110 btw – so a good sign!) I’m encouraging 120. Why not? Tennis, ping pong, biking, driving, walking, reading, studying, connecting with multiple people per day – perfect.

We used to do this calculation for time management training. Take your current age. Ok, I’m 55. Calculate a comfortable end of days number. I know – a bit morose – but, let’s say 100 even. That’s 45 years. That is 16,425 days. A paltry 2,346 weeks!! Yikes. I better get moving!! Ten years is only 3,650 days. We all know a year is 365 days – but many times don’t think beyond that.

Tree Hunting in 2005 (Chris, Ingrid and Max)

Time can crawl and time can fly. It can’t come back however. Chris had 6,279 days on this earth. Not nearly enough but enough to be remembered forever and to make a massive impact on those of us around him that strive to Be The Best in his memory.

Chris’ brother Max had some sage insight on this topic. When you lose someone close, it’s never a count down – it’s a count up – until you see that person again on the other side.

I wish you all 100 years or more and trust that every day can produce a step forward towards the realization of goals, development of relationships and contribution to making this little earth we call home a better place for now and the future.

Have a good week.

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Back to the Future

Who can forget Marty McFly in Back to the Future, when he was transported ahead to 2015 (from 1985) and experienced flying cars, drones that took dogs for walks and self-lacing shoes. Self lacing shoes are getting close (yah, I follow that on a Google alert) but I sleep better at night knowing there’s always Velcro shoes for my upcoming senior years. Oh and if you have 7 hours and want to go down an interesting internet rabbit hole, you can check out the Back to the Future timelines in chart form. Really. As a public service, I’ve provided a picture and link.

https://backtothefuture.fandom.com/wiki/Back_to_the_Future_timeline

Great memories and some fun for the upcoming holidays when the weather or a certain virus keeps us more inside binge watching almost anything.

Anyhooo – what’s up with Back to the Future? Michael J Fox is a fantastic actor and just a good Canadian kid from Vancouver, BC, (yes, Burnaby for all those fact checkers) so there’s that. His comedic timing and affable nature combined with sharp wit and a sly grin made him an American TV and movie staple.

Then – he was hit with early onset Parkinson’s. He just released a new book so this interview caught my eye this past week. It’s a long read but well worth it if you have a good cup of coffee and your favourite reading chair.

The journalist remembers back to a previous interview with Fox in 2013 where his optimism was strong. A cure would be found in his lifetime. He wasn’t lying. He believed that. Fast forward to 2020 and he is certainly still optimistic but he believes now a cure will not be found – in his lifetime and he continues to deal with the reality of his situation with the wit, charm and humour that makes me proud of his Canadian roots and overall candor as he continues to navigate his future.

Here is a major difference. Being an OPTIMIST doesn’t mean you have to believe everything is going to be perfect or fixed or transformed today or tomorrow, next month or next year. I really believe in being a REALISTIC OPTMIST, which may seem like a paradox, but one that resonates with the melding of life experience and time.

We all have things that cannot change. Of course the theme of this blog is remembering Chris 10 years later, a bitter sweet Back to the Future if there ever was one!! Of course I would pay anything or do anything to have him back. That will not happen. Acceptance of these facts don’t make you a pessimist. In fact, as strange as it sounds, the acceptance allows for your mind to determine the decisions today and tomorrow which will bring us to a new future, even if I have to tie my own shoes till I’m 100. And yes, I’ve confirmed that shoe tying thing for my long suffering wife who is very concerned that I have a fixation for the Velcro strapped shoes that only increases with age. (and so what if I do…) 😉

Have a great week.

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Leaf it to me.

Inspiration: (kind of) https://harvardforest.fas.harvard.edu/leaves/process

I have never read a more scientific document on how and why leaves change color. Completely non-emotional. Just the facts.

Take this nugget. “All leaves gradually lose chlorophyll during the growing season, and this loss accelerates before leaf fall. Under optimal conditions this process of chlorophyll loss is very orderly and allows the plants to resorb much of the nitrogen in the structure of the pigment molecule. Carotenoid pigments are also lost from the plastids during aging, but some of them are retained in the plastids after the chlorophyll is removed; this produces autumn leaves with yellow colors.”

Does this inspire you with amazing thoughts of color and nature’s beauty? Didn’t think so. How about the picture of the red maple? The maple leaf? Hopefully a bit better. Yah, I know I’ve probably written way too many blog posts about the Fall but it’s my favourite season. Part of it is the color of the season but a growing fascination with Fall is the science behind the season. The loss of leaves is a part of nature’s way of readying the tree for the winter and preparing to grow again in the spring. The act of dormancy and shedding of the very things that symbolize life in the shape of leaves, is part of the longer term vision of healthy growth over time.

To gain further insight, I needed something much simpler, so I watched this video aimed at 8 year old kids. The key take away – trees shut down the food factory going into Winter. Ok, that’s a great way to see it. A season is over and the tree must get ready for winter and hunker down.

Whether you are experiencing loss or like all of us, preparing for a COVID inspired winter season ahead, I wish you well in the preparations. Strangely, even in loss and working through tough transitions, there can be beautiful moments as the colored leaves remind us each year.