Tag: Dads and grief

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Be The Best.

Numbers that Count.

There’s a lot of numbers out there these days.

COVID infections. COVID hospitalizations. COVID deaths.

We don’t know the future. We can minimize risk by choices we make, but still – things can just happen.

The only thing we ultimately control is our next decision. With that in mind, we can choose to make a difference each day and do something positive each day. Of course we have jobs and school and other stuff. That’s called the ‘whirlwind’. The key is to do just ONE thing beyond the whirlwind each day or week. How many days do we have? That’s interesting.

My Dad, Rev Jake, (Chris’ Grandpa) will be 90 in February 2021. He had calculated how many days he had been alive. Quick – what do you think that number is? 100,000? 50,000? 1 million? Could be.

Wait – let’s do the math – Even at 89 years young – that is only 32,485 days. A mere 4,640 weeks. And yes, you can calculate interesting numbers for yourself at this linked website. (Rev Jake says he’s good for 110 btw – so a good sign!) I’m encouraging 120. Why not? Tennis, ping pong, biking, driving, walking, reading, studying, connecting with multiple people per day – perfect.

We used to do this calculation for time management training. Take your current age. Ok, I’m 55. Calculate a comfortable end of days number. I know – a bit morose – but, let’s say 100 even. That’s 45 years. That is 16,425 days. A paltry 2,346 weeks!! Yikes. I better get moving!! Ten years is only 3,650 days. We all know a year is 365 days – but many times don’t think beyond that.

Tree Hunting in 2005 (Chris, Ingrid and Max)

Time can crawl and time can fly. It can’t come back however. Chris had 6,279 days on this earth. Not nearly enough but enough to be remembered forever and to make a massive impact on those of us around him that strive to Be The Best in his memory.

Chris’ brother Max had some sage insight on this topic. When you lose someone close, it’s never a count down – it’s a count up – until you see that person again on the other side.

I wish you all 100 years or more and trust that every day can produce a step forward towards the realization of goals, development of relationships and contribution to making this little earth we call home a better place for now and the future.

Have a good week.

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Be The Best.

The Path Forward

The hills of Michigan. Nov 2020.

On a hike this weekend I was reminded of advice we use a lot in business circles – but is equally applicable to every day life. Think about where you’ve been (the past) 10% of the time and where you’re going 90%. As the November leaves covered much of the trail, going downhill could be a little slippery. I thought of a modification to that thinking.

Understanding where you’ve been is important. But don’t spend a lot of time there. 10% is good. 90% looking forward is also good, but the breakdown that hit me is that I needed to look down at my immediate next step about 45% of the time and look forward and around 45% of the time. Ok, that is probably too much math in a 10 year retrospective blog, but bear with me. If I don’t keep looking at my immediate future, I’ll lose my footing or not see an immediate danger and could fall. Then I’m out. That means the immediate is important. However, if I spend all my time on the immediate, I’ll never truly understand where I’m going. I need to see the fork in the road, the signs up ahead, the traffic coming towards me. This thought, like many things in life, seems contradictory but the paradox is powerful. 

To see where you are going, you need to understand where you've been, pay close attention to your next step and lift your head constantly to see the path forward.
This is the original ‘Be The Best’ picture and Chris was not happy I wanted him to pose for it after coming home from a lacrosse game. I like silhouettes however and I’m so happy he complied…under duress.

Chris would be 27 years old this year. Of course we think about that and where he would have gone to University, played lacrosse and what his career would be. Would he be married? Have a girlfriend? Ten years since his passing, he is in our thoughts every single day and probably 100 times per day. I don’t think that ever changes. We can’t bring him back to life here on earth and that is the 10% that we need to acknowledge but not stay there. Our decisions that we make day after day represents the present and immediate steps. The review of the future and making plans for the future, even though never forgetting, is the part that connects with lifting our heads and looking forward.

Who knew a hike through the woods could be so philosophical. Have a good week. 😉

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Be The Best.

Straight as a Curve

The Oct 24, 2020 Saturday Night Live had a skit of young patrons visiting a Psychic (Kate McKinnon) imagined at the end of 2019 going into 2020. It was pretty funny as the ‘visions’ were completely outlandish for 2019 as we all were unprepared for the events of 2020 just around the corner. We all remember the toilet paper shortage of just a few months ago – who saw that coming?

SNL screen grab – Oct 24, 2020

The path in life is rarely a straight line. One of my favourite quotes is ‘plans are useless but planning is everything’. (Dwight D. Eisenhower
34th President of the United States)

We need to plan. We need to set our direction which mainly is a straight line to where we’re going. We can’t see the unforeseen unlike the SNL spoof on reality and time travel!

Along the way, things are going to change. Some will change because we make decisions and some things will change because STUFF (or insert stronger S word) happens!

THAT is when we must regroup, face our brutal facts and move forward one decision at a time. When we look back at our life charts they will probably look much more up and down with interesting curves back and forth as we move forward. In the end, however, we WILL be moving forward and that is what it’s all about.

Have a great week ahead.

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Be The Best.

Falling All Over Again

It happens each year so you’d think I’d get used to it.

You know, it gets colder, rains more and leaves are blown by changing winds. Yes, it’s the Fall. Fall in Michigan is a special time. So, in the middle of COVID, political unease, economic uncertainty and everything else, there is a wonderful ‘known’ that seasons do change, winters do come but with that the hope of spring and summer arrive once more.

As written many times year over the years and in this 10 year retrospective, grief and loss is never forgotten and Chris will never be forgotten, but seasons do change and beauty can be found in the change, just as the fall leaves remind us each year.

Have a great week.

All photos shot Oct 11, 2020. Oakland County – Michigan, USA
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Be The Best.

The Devil Wears Chipmunk

You may have seen the movie or read the book (sorry, neither for me – or at least I won’t admit it), The Devil Wears Prada. From Wikipedia:

The Devil Wears Prada is a 2003 novel by Lauren Weisberger about a young woman who is hired as a personal assistant to a powerful fashion magazine editor, a job that becomes nightmarish as she struggles to keep up with her boss’s grueling schedule and demeaning demands.

Ok – so Prada is a high end Italian clothing brand worn by the ‘devil boss’ – basically akin to a wolf in sheep’s clothing. So in essence, regardless of what things look like on the surface, the true nature of the person or situation or chipmunk lies beneath. This little guy looks very cute. However, as he’s ripped up the yard, dug holes through the flowerbeds and eaten the bird food on a continual basis despite mutliple attempts at behaviour adjustment, this Devil wears Chipmunk. Cute but a bad dude.

You built these planters for me to dig right?
Who me? Bad? What?

The point is, things aren’t always what they seem. Yah, I know even right now, you’re empathizing with this creature but if you saw his/her (who knows?) evil ways you would come to my defense very quickly.

We live in a world where opinions and judgments are being made so quickly I get nervous we’re not really getting to know people. I know when folks didn’t understand who Chris was and his ‘body of work’, they could easily make judgments. In most situations if we truly find out more about a situation we will find common ground or understanding. In the odd case, we’ll also see the devil in a chipmunk – but that’s much more rare than usual. (Editor’s note: Yes, I’ve named it Lucy Fur)

See, this is what happens when I have to many observational/thinking moments drinking coffee (or whatever) in the backyard. 😉

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2020 - 10 years later Be The Best.

Life’s a Sprint Marathon

Life goes by in a blink.

Sometimes in the middle of a situation (like a pandemic let’s say…) it may feel a bit more like a marathon.

With just a little distance and time, many things in life seem to go (and have gone) faster and faster.

Check out this post from August 2011. Max personifies the Be The Best attitude as he tackles a Sprint Triathlon.

Excerpt:

It’s really Be The Best principle personified.

What I mean by that is Be The Best is about so much more than winning.  It’s about competing.  It’s about trying something new.  It’s about not letting the fear of the unknown get in your way.

IT’S ABOUT NOT KNOWING EXACTLY HOW YOU’RE GOING TO REACH A GOAL, BUT SETTING THE GOAL AND THEN STARTING FORWARD ANYWAYS!

Here’s the full post.

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Be The Best.

Let’s face it.

Part of this ’10 years later’ thing is that I read a few posts from the past. One I was thinking about this week came to mind as I was watching a little Premier League action last weekend. With no crowds and manufactured crowd noise it was an interesting watch but great to see live sports in any event. The way you face – is an expression I learned from Davie B (you know who you are) on the soccer pitch. The main point is that you may be turned around and facing away from your goal. That’s ok. That’s the direction you should play at the moment. Going backwards is a powerful method to move forward. Kinda sounds like pandemic recovery to me. Many times since 2010, we’ve had to play the way we faced. We needed to make a defensive move so we didn’t lose control. Ten years later, I see the wisdom from those words more than ever. Here’s the original post from 2011.

Football (Soccer ball)
Image via Wikipedia

One of the things I love about Saturday mornings is watching a little Premier League Soccer as the schedule permits.  With games as early as 5 and 7am, the timing works well with the newspaper and a good cup of coffee.

I love the skill, the speed, the set-up and I love those British announcers use of the English language.  Their phrasing and commentary adds a poetic quality to the experience.

We’ve played a lot of noon hour soccer with my work gang over the years.

It’s not quite at Premier League level…but you wouldn’t know it from the locker room stories told just after the match.

When you play sports and you are in the heat of the moment field-of-play one thing you’ll hear is players shouting to other players.  Usually instructions come in bursts of 2 or 3 repeats.  Move the ball, move the ball, MOVE THE BALL…all increasing in urgency.

Ok, that last one is what gets yelled at me a lot, so maybe I’m just sensitive.  Joking aside, I’ve wondered about this form of communication and liken it to military instruction in the heat of the battle.  You want to be clear about your communication and there’s no time to waste with niceties.

One of the most interesting lines I’ve heard a million times on the soccer pitch is, ‘the way you face’.

When you are playing soccer the objective is pretty clear.  You need to score on the opponent’s goal.  In order to do this you should be moving the ball forward toward the enemy’s net.

However, many times you don’t receive the ball in a position where going forward makes the most sense.

In other words, if you receive the ball and you happen to be turned towards your own goal, your natural instinct may be to make an immediate turn and try to push the ball forward.

That could be the worst move.

When you hear, ‘the way you face’, ‘the way you face’, ‘the way you face’, it’s a reminder from your teammate to gain control of the ball and move the ball in the direction you are facing at the time which may appear counterproductive but ultimately allows your team to go forward.

I’ve thought about that phrase a lot in the game of life.

Sometimes turning too quickly and trying to push forward to the opponent’s goal is not the right move.

Playing the way you face, ie passing the ball ‘backwards’ before your team moves the play forward again protects possession and ultimately provides a greater opportunity to score.

Too heavy on the soccer analogies?

I think I may get another Americano and watch game 2 of the Premier League.

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2020 - 10 years later Be The Best.

Fort Langley Forest

What you are about to watch is a fake movie trailer.

Yes, fake news – but not really.

The actors are very real. Chris had lacrosse buds, family, family friends and then a tight knit group of school and Langley friends. These guys were so awesome to our family in the months and years after Chris passed and I still remember this day from 9 years ago. A bunch of teen aged guys willing to spend their afternoon on a walk (we called it a hike!) with a couple of parents.

As a Dad, Chris’ memory and thoughts of him are part of every single day. I know for many of his friends, teammates and coaches, they feel the same. He was a great kid, an amazing human. The sentiment from that hike and many other interactions with these young people have stayed with us all these years later and still bring feelings of warmth, love and support that we hope are echoed back to others as they go through their own various journeys through life.

All the best as you Be The Best this week.

Without further ado, I present the fake movie trailer from 2011 that never made it to the theaters (US spelling on US soil in Detroit…).

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Be The Best.

Father’s Day 2020

First a Happy Father’s Day to my Dad, who many know as Rev. Jake.

A sprightly 89 years young, this guy plays tennis, ping-pong, rides his bike, drives, plays the guitar and reads like a librarian on pandemic lockdown. He could have a conversation with you about world politics, current events or history. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Chris also loved his Grandpa. He LOVED the beard Rev Jake grew for a Christmas event. He LOVED the trucker hats. So Chris got one too. This vid below is a walk I took with Dad just a few months after Chris passed. I’m wearing Chris’ shoes and Dad is wearing Chris’ hat. This is what guys do and how they show respect.

Rev Jake poses with Chris’ hat.
From Sept 2010

To see more on trucker hats – have a read here.

A Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads. Of course, this is a poignant day on the calendar as it’s easy to think of what could have been and what things would have been like with Chris still with us. I still feel that in 2020 of course. That said, we look back at the memories, share the stories and laugh more than cry as we continue to aim for living BeTheBest values. Which reminds me, I have some push-ups to do. Have a good week.

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Be The Best.

Rough Patch – yes it happens.

Ten years ago I wrote a blog with ‘rough patch’ in the title. It was a rough day. Everything was pretty raw. It was also a day that provided a reminder of the thinking that has propelled us through the rough patches of life – business or personal. The power of decisions. Making decisions creates energy and gets things moving. If the direction isn’t exactly right, make another decision. Keep going. Whether it’s COVID, a business issue or a life moment – make a decision and keep going.

Original patch and sticker design – yup, still carry in my luggage!

The amazing thing about that day, looking back, is that it was the birth of the ‘Be The Best’ patch which I still have in suitcases and tucked in various spots. A massive thank-you to all those involved, with my nephew Steve L playing a big role. It’s a symbol of how we decide to live. Be The Best.

The blog is alive all year in 2020 as a remembrance of Chris and a chance to reconnect and share memories. I’m happy to connect with anyone who has a story or picture that hasn’t been seen in a while. Email me at randy@randinsystems.com or connect via the blog or LinkedIn.

Also – while supplies last, you can pick up an outdoor speaker, travel mug and of course Be The Best stickers and other stuff at Chris’ store. Our family has funded the store in cooperation with Brent Hoskins and Martket Branding. What that means is that every dollar, aside from a handling/shipping fee is donated direct to Chris’ fund at SFU. If you want to donate direct to SFU you can get a tax receipt. Only do that if you are looking to make a charitable donation in 2020 and have some room. As I said in the first 2020 post, this is not a fund raiser as much as it’s a celebration of Chris’ life and the legacy he has left. Plus, I needed some new Be The Best gear and wanted you to get some too!

These are very cool in black and white.
Nice gear. All paid for meaning when you buy the money goes to Chris’ fund. 😉
The Bluetooth speaker is on the left and the power charger on the right. We were pumping tunes outside this weekend. Wait, that just makes me sound old.

Here’s the ‘Rough Patch’ post from April 10, 2010.