Category: Be The Best.

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Be The Best.

Father’s Day 2020

First a Happy Father’s Day to my Dad, who many know as Rev. Jake.

A sprightly 89 years young, this guy plays tennis, ping-pong, rides his bike, drives, plays the guitar and reads like a librarian on pandemic lockdown. He could have a conversation with you about world politics, current events or history. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Chris also loved his Grandpa. He LOVED the beard Rev Jake grew for a Christmas event. He LOVED the trucker hats. So Chris got one too. This vid below is a walk I took with Dad just a few months after Chris passed. I’m wearing Chris’ shoes and Dad is wearing Chris’ hat. This is what guys do and how they show respect.

Rev Jake poses with Chris’ hat.
From Sept 2010

To see more on trucker hats – have a read here.

A Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads. Of course, this is a poignant day on the calendar as it’s easy to think of what could have been and what things would have been like with Chris still with us. I still feel that in 2020 of course. That said, we look back at the memories, share the stories and laugh more than cry as we continue to aim for living BeTheBest values. Which reminds me, I have some push-ups to do. Have a good week.

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Be The Best.

Dads and Brothers and a little Father’s Day preview.

I don’t have a brother. I’ve got three sisters. I was usually nice to them growing up except when I wasn’t. Like getting my mouth washed out with soap from my generally gentle Mother after going too far in calling them names. Sorry Sisters. Like hiding under AC’s bed and grabbing her ankles when she sat down. A juvenile move and yes, I still pay for her counselling sessions related to this trauma decades later. (I think she’s forgiven me for these acts). I should probably check on that.

Brothers, however, are different. They express love by performing atomic wedgies and continually pushing each other to the edge with sports and activities. 95% bravado, but when it counts, they have each other’s back.

July 2004 road trip (Chris and Max)
After 8 hours in a car, a little brotherly love is quite predictable. Don’t worry, Max got his revenge.

Max, our oldest, had a birthday yesterday and is 29. Happy Birthday Max!!! When Chris passed he was a rock. I remember him at the funeral and for months and years afterwards helping others with their own grieving process as he dealt with his.

I’ve written a lot about Chris in these posts over the years for obvious reasons but Max was the first. The guy who paved the way. The guy who had to do everything first. The big brother. Our relationship today is built on years of experiences and memories that forge the trust and bond that allows confidence in the decisions to push the future. It may be a lot of fun and banter – but that builds funds in the ‘trust bank’ and in darker times, having equity in that bank is essential.

This little video from 9 years ago was typical and we look forward to many more in the future.

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Be The Best.

What I believe

I was sent a link to a letter written by the President of Harvard University. (Thanks Grant!)

Lawrence (Larry) S. Bacow wrote a poignant piece identifying what he believes. This was written May 30, 2020 in light of the recent protests and violence in the US following the death of George Floyd. For me currently living near Detroit, his words (he references Detroit from the 60’s) are profound as we are living through history repeating itself in 2020. If you have 5 min, read through his entire letter. Here are some key statements:

I believe in the goodness of the people of this country—and in their resilience.

I believe that America should be a beacon of light to the rest of the world.

I believe that our strength as a nation is due in no small measure to our tradition of welcoming those who come to our shores in search of freedom and opportunity, individuals who repay us multiple times over through their hard work, creativity, and devotion to their new home. 

I believe in the American Dream.

https://www.harvard.edu/president/news/2020/what-i-believe

It is the final paragraph, however, that is extremely important for all of us; Canadian, American or any other citizen of the world. It is a call to action.

What we believe is important. Acting on our beliefs is critical. ESPECIALLY when we must believe that there are many more people in this world who believe in equality, respect and fair treatment for all – regardless of race, gender or political leanings.

As I continue to remember Chris in a more direct and public way throughout this year, I am thinking continually of what Be The Best really means. If I believe that, what are the actions that bring that belief to life? One simple one is to follow through on acts of kindness – not just think about them. Could be a spending time as a mentor, writing a note of support, or simply saying thank-you. Ok – and doing push-ups. That was a big part of the Be The Best thinking that Chris worked on. Those are the simple things that can bring beliefs to life. I’ll leave the closing to President Bacow. He’s stated it perfectly below.

I hope you will pause during these troubled times to ask what you believe. Even more importantly, I hope you will find the strength and determination to act on your beliefs—to repair and perfect this imperfect world.

This tribute video for Chris was put together for the Langley Thunder Lacrosse team and played in Chris’ honor. At about 1 minute 29 seconds you see a few seconds of an interview I did with Chris in prepping for college recruitment activity. If you want to see what he believed, have a view. Have a good week.

Originally put together April 2010.
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‘The Match’, ignited.

It was simply awesome to watch some live sports this past weekend. I know many find golf on TV less than thrilling but I love it…especially when Tiger Woods is involved. That guy is always making history when he plays it seems like. On a side note (tongue in cheek – no hate mail please), Tiger Woods ‘loses’ over 77% of the tournaments he enters. That is a whole other subject because a 22.8% winning percentage is ridiculous. I mean, totally awe inspiring. Anyhoo, you had Tiger and Phil Mickelson as the pros playing with NFL greats Peyton Manning and Tom Brady for charity re COVID19. All the players were mic’d up and it was awesome. Tom Brady was struggling on the front nine and I almost felt sorry for him for a few minutes and then I remembered how rich he is and how many Superbowl rings he has. Then – as only Brady could do, he drains a shot from 100 yards and beaks off at Charles Barkley. Priceless.

His comments post ‘victory shot’ are extremely revealing. He was being light-hearted but he expresses his love for his wife, mom and dad and children. You see, that’s what guys do. They are wired to compete and push for the win. Some more than others and these pro athletes are wired that way 150%++ which makes them so special.

Remember Michael Jordan falling to the floor after NBA final victory in 1996. Same thing – the dedication to family.

This is key. Guys aim to win to honor their family. Guys build things to honor their family. Guys push themselves to honor their family. Guys will slug it out 6 or 7 days per week earning a paycheck to honor their families. Guys who have lost loves ones will do all the same things – to honor the ones they’ve lost. If you are dealing with a guy who has gone through something – this is an interesting insight to have.

As you saw from post 1 in 2020, this blog resurgence for this year, is simply a chance to honor and remember Chris. And man he LOVED sports too. It was awesome. He played lacrosse (lax) to honor his coaches and teammates (Go Langley Thunder!), his town (Langley), and even his province (BC) at a national level. And of course, his family. Chris – always remembered and always loved. We will aim to Be The Best in your honor and I hope for all reading the understanding of Be The Best gets deeper and deeper. For guys, winning and Being The Best (at whatever!) is the highest level of honor a spouse, family member, teammate or coach can receive.

Have a great week.

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Be The Best.

Rough Patch – yes it happens.

Ten years ago I wrote a blog with ‘rough patch’ in the title. It was a rough day. Everything was pretty raw. It was also a day that provided a reminder of the thinking that has propelled us through the rough patches of life – business or personal. The power of decisions. Making decisions creates energy and gets things moving. If the direction isn’t exactly right, make another decision. Keep going. Whether it’s COVID, a business issue or a life moment – make a decision and keep going.

Original patch and sticker design – yup, still carry in my luggage!

The amazing thing about that day, looking back, is that it was the birth of the ‘Be The Best’ patch which I still have in suitcases and tucked in various spots. A massive thank-you to all those involved, with my nephew Steve L playing a big role. It’s a symbol of how we decide to live. Be The Best.

The blog is alive all year in 2020 as a remembrance of Chris and a chance to reconnect and share memories. I’m happy to connect with anyone who has a story or picture that hasn’t been seen in a while. Email me at randy@randinsystems.com or connect via the blog or LinkedIn.

Also – while supplies last, you can pick up an outdoor speaker, travel mug and of course Be The Best stickers and other stuff at Chris’ store. Our family has funded the store in cooperation with Brent Hoskins and Martket Branding. What that means is that every dollar, aside from a handling/shipping fee is donated direct to Chris’ fund at SFU. If you want to donate direct to SFU you can get a tax receipt. Only do that if you are looking to make a charitable donation in 2020 and have some room. As I said in the first 2020 post, this is not a fund raiser as much as it’s a celebration of Chris’ life and the legacy he has left. Plus, I needed some new Be The Best gear and wanted you to get some too!

These are very cool in black and white.
Nice gear. All paid for meaning when you buy the money goes to Chris’ fund. 😉
The Bluetooth speaker is on the left and the power charger on the right. We were pumping tunes outside this weekend. Wait, that just makes me sound old.

Here’s the ‘Rough Patch’ post from April 10, 2010.

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Be The Best.

Plans don’t work.

For those of you who know me you may be immediately question my mental state. What? This guy is all about planning. Has he had a mid life crisis and reversed his position? Ok, I did look at a massive gold chain and convertible mustang full of Detroit muscle, but I didn’t do either. 😉

And spoiler alert – I haven’t changed my position about planning – but I’m growing more interested in paradoxes and this is a great one.

The more you plan, the more pigs you may see flying. Just sayin. It’s that powerful.

A business colleague passed on a fantastic article about Dwight Eisenhower. A statement he used to use a lot was:

“Plans are worthless, but planning is everything.”

How many times have you set a plan and then things change? If I’m honest, a lot or maybe always! However, having the plan in the first place has already forced us to think about WHY we are doing something. The HOW can change, the WHY should remain the same.

If you want more on the WHY – Simon Sinek is a great author and resource on that topic.

So – do plans change? YES

Should we stop planning? NO

Planning is an action word. It produces momentum. You can adjust along the way. We know about that as a family. We ALL know about that through this COVID19 crisis.

Stay safe and keep planning – even though things may not work out exactly as you imagined.

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Oh Mama.

I confess. I still watch Family Guy from time to time. Totally inappropriate and outrageous, it was a show that us three boys (Chris, Max and me) would utilize to work on our father/sons bonding while containing our misguided laughter. I hope that passes as enough of an excuse…

There was a scene that became hilarious in our home because it became real life. Remember that bit where Stewie couldn’t get his Mom, Lois’ attention? Here’s the quick clip to remind you. Ok, Ingrid (Max and Chris’ Mom and my long suffering wife!) had developed a unique skill living in a house with just guys. She could tune us out. I mean TOTALLY tune us out. She would be quietly reading a book while the three of us would be watching hockey, munching snacks, exuding bodily noises, laughing and even talking to her – she totally blocked it out. Big skill for sure.

So…Chris started doing the routine. Mom, Mum, ingrid, mommy, mamma, louder and louder – then INGRID! That usually got her attention. That ‘bit’ became comedy gold in the Friesen household multiple times per month. Author’s note: I never encouraged or endorsed this behavior. (mostly)

Just watching the clip again makes me smile as I think of Chris’ routine. The love that Chris and Max and Ingrid have is one that only exists with Moms and sons. Totally special and unique. To Ingrid and all the Moms out there – a very Happy Mother’s Day. May your memories bring you smiles and warmth as only a deep love can create.

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Be The Best.

Chris and Physical Distancing?

Chris’ former lacrosse coach, Brent Hoskins, suggested (tongue in cheek) this week that Chris may have not done too well with physical distancing as it related to sport. Exactly right. Chris found a home playing defense in field and box lacrosse. Even his teammates didn’t like playing against him during drills because he took it seriously and when he had a chance to use that stick or physical strength he would…most usually inside the rules!

Chris (grey and black) playing for Langley Thunder. That poor number 7 dude was going down. Good for him for taking a hit cause the bulldozer was going to leave a mark.
Playing box lacrosse for Team BC. Chris (2), is ready to take a hit, make a hit but you’re not getting by him. Not this time.

Aside from getting bruised up themselves, that is exactly why Chris’ teammates loved him and he became an incredible leader. He was work first. Practice, games, whatever. He spoke to me a number of times post practices and games where he felt guys didn’t take things seriously enough on that night or period or shift.

So in this new world of physical distancing as we miss sport (and YES I MISS SPORTS VERY MUCH!!), Chris would have had an interesting time. But like all of us he would adapt, find new ways of doing things and move forward using a work ethic that became his brand.

Work first. Hit it hard and THEN coast. More on that later.

Miss ya Dude.

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Be The Best.

Good Grief – v2

One of the most read blog posts over the years was about Charlie Brown and that other Charlie, Charles Dickens. I reread that blog post recently almost 10 years to the day it was written. All of it true in 2020. The massive UPS and DOWNS we are all feeling through COVID are very similar to the feelings of loss. Is grief good? No – it sucks, just to be clear. However grief doesn’t exist if a deep love didn’t exist first. Here’s a reproduction of that post:

I was thinking about Charlie Brown today.  Not really about Snoopy or Lucy or that piano dude…remember?  Schroeder. I was remembering one of Charlie Brown’s catch phrases….’good grief’.  After my extensive (4 minute) search on the history of ‘good grief’ I found….not much.  A euphemism for “Good God”, dating back to the 1900’s and of course an ‘Arrested Development’ TV episode from 2004?

I also thought about this quote…ok, you Grade 11 and 12’s…you should know this one.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way..

Got it?  Yes, that Charles Dickens from A Tale of Two Cities.  Sure, that was written in the 1800’s, but it is a pretty accurate description of grief I think.  I’ve seen a lot about stages of grief and I’m sure that is probably true, but right now it is more like a pretty big yo-yo.  You go up and down between the extremes of the ‘best of times’ remembering, laughing, joking, smiling and dive down to the ‘worst of times’, missing, aching, dreaming of the missed future etc.

Good Grief? Maybe that Charlie Brown was a lot smarter than I ever thought…but I think Lucy knew that all along.

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Wisdom from Mike Tyson

Ok, I’m not a big boxing fan. But Mike Tyson was a figure so much bigger than the sport. In his prime he was feared. He certainly had his share of issues (understatement!) to overcome and now does everything from acting to supporting charitable causes.

Mike Tyson fights Larry Holmes in 1988.

One of his most famous quotes was, ‘Everyone has a plan till you get punched in the face’.

Whether it is COVID19 or a family loss or both – that is a punch in the face. You were prepping for a good fight but you did not see that punch coming.

In an interview Tyson explained, “Everybody has a plan until they get hit. Then, like a rat, they stop in fear and freeze.” Heavy. Just like one of his punches.

When we lost Chris we got hit in the face and went down for the count. You are dazed, confused because you had a great plan and were executing the plan and everything was great and then you’re on the mat looking up at some referee guy yelling 1, 2 and you know if you hear 3, it’s all over. And now what.

Gonna get up? Gonna stop in fear?

Without being callous, the only thing that you can do at that moment is decide, ‘Am I getting up or am I tapping out’. You make that decision and then the next one and the next one.

Yah, I’ve thought about this quote a lot and Mike Tyson is absolutely right. When the plan goes out the window, we’ve got to decide what we are going to do. I stand with all of you in these crazy times and those suffering personal loss during these times (or any time), I get it. I know what it’s like to be punched in the face. I know what it’s like to try and get up when feeling another punch may be coming. Keep getting up. Keep going. You ALWAYS control your next decision. 😉