Tag: Chris Friesen

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Be The Best.

The Deception of the New Normal

Ingrid and I were at Deception Pass today spending time with the Ethanator, his sister Emily and their wonderful parents Selena and Frank  (Ingrid’s brother).

Sunset at Deception (with lousy bberry camera!)

I know I’ve said this about other places, but the 2-hour drive south of Vancouver on the 1-5 and then west towards Anacortes and then to Whidbey Island and Deception Pass is worth every minute.  If you get a chance go.  Better yet, make yourself a chance…and then go!

The State Park there is incredible and many Canadians and Americans spend some great time camping or simply enjoying the fresh water lake and the ocean on the other side of the sand spit.

We’ve spent a bunch of time down there over the years most notably with Max and Chris.

I’ve loaded a picture up of Chris getting repairs after slipping off a log during a fort building exercise on the beach when he was a young buck.  Nurse Ingrid is administering the first aid.

Today we were in that exact spot.  Sitting on that exact beach.  Kids had built a fort with the exact bunch of logs that have been there for years if not decades.  Ethan showed me the fort and we built a sand castle together and then just watched the waves and tide do their thing all afternoon eventually washing our sand castle into the ocean leaving us with great memories and the possibility of building new sand castles tomorrow when the tide goes out again.

A young Chris gets repairs at Deception Pass. He was convinced band-aids made things better, so Nurse Ingrid was liberal in her 'treatment' including the green dot on his head!

It was old normal meets new normal.  The ‘deception’ is (besides the tie to Deception Pass and my ongoing need to fuel my insatiable pun appetite) is that the New Normal may look easy.  It might look easy but of course it isn’t.

While we were on the beach I received a message via Blackberry about a comment on the Blog.  Please read it in the comment section below.  It’s from someone I don’t know, but Karen has been sharing this journey and been on her own  journey for 10 years since her husband passed away.  As both Karen and ourselves have experienced, the new normal isn’t easy and sometimes I don’t like it much as I’ve indicated several times in this blog!

That being said, I’m more convinced than ever that the new normal is what I want to continue to strive for, knowing that it may look deceptively simple at times but isn’t, and will continue to be a series of decisions on a daily basis for 10 years and more!

We’re standing with you too Karen.  God Bless.

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Be The Best.

Comfort Zones

  1. I saw a news report today how our air conditioning (comfort zone) is destroying our social interaction with neighbours and not doing much for our environment.  Hmmm.
  2. I had a friend show up tonight to say hello.  Way out of his comfort zone but he did it anyway.  Hmmm.
  3. Remember I told you I was going to do something to try to live the Be The Best this year?  This weekend I stepped out of the comfort zone and launched the Management Buzz blog.  It’s a blog about management issues, but not just for senior leadership.  It’s out of the comfort zone because a) it could fail, b) do I really have time to write another blog? c) it could fail.
Sir Richard Branson

Then I read a quote tonight from Sir Richard Branson.  He stated, “One of the reasons Virgin’s enterprises have been successful over the years is that we empower the staff to make mistakes— and then learn from them.”

Love it.  Now that is Be The Best!

If you want to take a peek, you can check out 3 Mistakes Managers Make.  Really?

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Be The Best.

For men only…(yah right)

I know the methodology of many guys who ‘read’ this blog.

Their Significant Other reads it and passes the information on to them.

Many guys don’t read much.  I get that.

Guys do stuff. I get that.

Guys grieve differently. The ‘professional grieving industry’ (sarcasm) doesn’t really get that.

I found a very interesting author/speaker on-line talking about the differences between men and women and how that relates to grieving.   I haven’t read his book (case in point from above…I like to own books and read parts of them…), but I watched his 20 minute mini presentation on men and grief and was very impressed.

With my management instructor hat on, I’ve spoken many times to my students about the differences between cultures  and communication AND the differences between men and women and communication.

One excellent point that Tom Golden makes is that women tend to communicate face to face…ie they literally like to look at each other when talking.  If you hadn’t noticed, when a man talks to another man, they don’t tend to do this.  Face to face for a man is all about confrontation and challenge.  What men like to do is go shoulder to shoulder and fight something together.  Think sports (lacrosse (of course), hockey, football, soccer, whatever) which replicates ancient traditions of battle.

Anyhooo, when it comes to grieving men still want to DO stuff.  I’ve mentioned this to many people but not here in this blog.  If Chris and I used to work on cars together, I would probably be finishing a car right now.  If we hunted together I’d probably arrange a hunting trip with ‘da boys’.  For me to honour Chris, the SFU Chris Friesen Memorial Fund was a huge goal and it was as much a part of the male grieving process as going to lacrosse games and writing blog posts.

Shoulder to shoulder combat.

For the men reading, take a look at this video on the attached link.

For the women reading for their men, take a look at this video on the attached link…and then drag your husbands/boyfriends/friends/sons over to take a look…or just watch it for them and let them what it was about.  🙂

It’s some interesting food for thought.

Guys:  Sorry this blog post was so long.  367 words is way too much.  Go do something.

Link to Tom Golden video (vid at bottom of page):

NOTE:  I’m not endorsing etc. Just another viewpoint along our journey!

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Be The Best.

Under a blood red sky…

In the last few days the sun has had a very red glow due to the smoke in the air from this summer’s forest fires.

It reminded me of U2’s song, New Year’s Day.

All is quiet on new year’s day
A world in white gets underway
I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes on new year’s day
On new year’s day

I will be with you again
I will be with you again

Under a blood red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white
Arms entwined, the chosen few
The newspapers says, says
Say it’s true it’s true…
And we can break through
Though torn in two
We can be one

I will be with you again
I will be with you again

——-

Yes we will.

Sun hovers over the Vancouver landscape. (Aug 2010)
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Be The Best.

Chasing the Sun

Here’s those sun pics again.  Sometimes music says things I cannot say…simply because I do not always have the words.

Chasing the sun.

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Be The Best.

Young Tom, Old Tom and ‘tom’orrow.

During the recent 2010 British Open Golf Championship at historic St. Andrews, a story was told of Old Tom Morris and Young Tom Morris.

Old Tom Morris

Both were multiple time winners of the Championship and both have amazing stories.

At the height of the golfing season it seems theirs is a fitting story tonight.

Old Tom designed or had a hand in designing 75 courses and is a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame.  He won the Championship in 1861, 62, 64 and 67.

Old Tom had a son who was equally as prestigious.  Young Tom Morris won the Championship in 1868, 69, 70 and 72 and was destined for greatness.

Why am I telling you this story?

You see Young Tom had a wife and child who very tragically both died during childbirth complications.  Young Tom, aged 24,  died just a few months later in 1875 from an unknown cause, but most people blamed it on a broken heart.  Old Tom continued forward until his passing in 1908 some 33 years later.

The TV broadcast of the Championship included a re-enactment of Old Tom visiting his son’s grave and sharing some words with Young Tom who had died so young and at the very beginning steps of his adult journey.

Paraphrased, he stated, “Son, they say that you died of a broken heart.  Only I know that is impossible.”

He was inferring that his own heart was broken.  His son simply could not have died from a broken heart otherwise he would have suffered the same fate.

Old Tom, I sorta know how you feel.  With broken hearts we carry on.

That is how Old Tom honoured his son, and that’s how I will honour mine…and I know so many of you feel the same.

I LOVE this quote from Old Tom Morris.

“For true success, it matters what our goals are. And it matters how we go about attaining them. The means are as important as the ends. How we get there is as important as where we go.”

I think if he was living today, Old Tom just might add…Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

The 7:45am ‘Brunch’.

Gluten free waffles (of course), Grandma's peaches and yogurt.

Brunch is served…at 7:45am.

Yes, I know to qualify as ‘brunch’ the meal must be served after 10am.  How do I know this?  Cause I lernt it on the interweb…!  Yes, according to the always accurate Wikipedia site, a meal consumed before 10am cannot be considered brunch.

Wow.  This throws my whole family history into a jeopardy.  It could be because of the Mennonite heritage of milking the cows (I’ve never milked a cow but I’ve gathered a lot of eggs and caught a lot of chickens in my day…) and doing chores before breakfast or simply that I tend to be a ‘morning person’, ‘brunch’ has been consumed many many times before 10am in this household.  As the Chief Brunch Maker in this family and for all those who believe brunch can be eaten before 10am, I may add an addendum to that Wikipedia site…

Yes, these are real pictures of today's 'brunch'.

In any event, Sunday breakfast/brunch was a big deal in our house.  We not only had a big breakfast that got bigger as Max and Chris got older, but it was a family moment as well.   We usually had our weekly ‘family meeting’ post brunch and then as they got older and schedules more difficult, the family meeting happened after Sunday dinner.  It was a few moments in the week to discuss schedules, coordinate plans and discuss things.

Ingrid, Max and I have been talking weekly and coordinating our lives in the past few months, but I haven’t made a real solid Sunday brunch since March 25.  But I did today.  The reason it was so early (aside from personality/culture ‘issues’ as indicated above) was that Max had to head to the pool for Life-guarding duty.  Ingrid, sensibly enough, is still sleeping.

I’ll cook her a more traditional brunch served between 10am and 1pm.

———

Technorati code: VMYVTKGYDZYV

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Be The Best.

Bikin’ and Bloggin’

If you ever have the chance to get up to Siverstar Mountain in Vernon (British Columbia’s Interior about 4 hours from Vancouver)….JUST DO IT.

Whether it’s winter or summer, we’ve had some great times up there and most importantly, fantastic memories.

Yesterday I went biking on Silverstar with my Dad.  You can go pretty hard core biking up there in summer.  Shin guards, full face helmets, etc etc, but you can also choose gentler rides down the mountain after being whisked to the top via the chair lift.  We went for the more mellow routes, but with some mountain construction work going on some of the paths were re-routed to more challenging pathways.  Anyhoo….my Dad was rockin it at 79.  No problem.  Pretty cool to watch him go and pretty cool to be with him.

Here’s a few video highlights of the adventure.  The point of this whole thing?  Take every opportunity to have an adventure and make a memory.

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Be The Best.

Mandela Day

Last week (July 18 to be exact) marked Nelson Mandela day.

You’ve seen a number of references to him in recent months as I am amazed at this man’s ability to move beyond any reasons he had to be angry or bitter or hard-done-by and moved forward in a continued spirit of reconciliation and forgiveness.

If you want a fuller understanding of who Mandela was and is, I found this ‘hero file’ site very informative.

It contains a quote from Mandela’s book that I have yet to read, but will add it to my list.

I love this quote. (as per http://www.moreorless.au.com/heroes/mandela.html)

Mandela’s autobiography, ‘Long Walk To Freedom’, ends with these words:

“After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended.”

Isn’t that the truth!

For all of us we have many hills to climb.  Some reasonably inclined, some tougher.  The reality is that there will be more hills.

What I’m coming to realize more and more is that these hills simply form the landscape and it’s how we see them and climb them and who we climb them with that really defines the journey.

To know there are more hills ahead can perhaps be a comfort, not a sentence, because with hills ahead, we know the journey continues.

To see some great pics of Nelson Mandela click this link.

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Be The Best.

Reflections

2010-07-25

2010-03-25

Just numbers? No. You know what they mean.  Four months.  We don’t mean to think about it or overthink it, but still it exists.

I’m not sure of all that we’ll do at 5 months or 6 or at 1 year.

But on these days and EVERY day I know of one thing we will always do.

Remember Chris for the amazing kid he was and find ways to honour his memory.

As you look at reflections in a lake, sometimes they are a perfect mirror image of the surrounding reality.  Sometimes, the wind comes up and the reflections are obscured and distorted…even though the real objects creating the reflections still exist.  But when the water is smooth and the winds have calmed, you can see a true reflection.