Tag: one decision at a time

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Be The Best.

And so it begins – The Commencement – Part 3

Two years ago, on Easter Sunday, I began this blog.

I thought it might go for a month, then two months, then six, then for sure end at 12, then it kept going.

Although these past few months the posts have been more in my head then typed onto the screen, it’s not for lack of topics.   Along this pathway/journey/road/highway/trail you have ups and you have downs.  You have valleys and you have views.  You learn to laugh with a broken heart.  You learn to live with a hole in your heart.  You even learn to win and conquer with an altered existence.

That’s the REAL secret of Sunday.

It’s not about the razzle dazzle.

It’s about the amazing reality that there is life with tragedy.  There is hope with sorrow.  There is bitter and there is sweet, mixed and stirred.

Sunday is about hope.

Sunday is about future.

Sunday is about change.

After 21 years at an amazing post secondary school that has become a home not just a job…I am taking a leave.

I’m heading to the private sector working to assist entrepreneurs build their businesses.

A big change.

I’m not sure I would have done it without the Be The Best thinking part of my every waking minute.

Now, I’m not encouraging anyone to quit their jobs or do anything crazy, but I will challenge all of you to Be The Best!

What does that mean to you?

What are your dreams?

What are your goals?

How are you putting those into measurable pieces, sliced up by months and days?

Chris’ passion fuels me.  Chris’ passion to Be The Best fuels all of us, even those who never met him.

It’s Sunday…but it’s early Sunday morning.

Hope is on the horizon, but the road ahead is still very unknown.

But one thing I know is that Sunday’s here, and by making one decision at a time we’ll be more ‘Be The Best’ then if we just sit back and let things happen.

Sunday’s here, hope is here and HOPE is an action word.

Be The Best.

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The Commencement – Part 2

So it’s Saturday.  The trauma and drama of the cross is behind us, but now what?  Historical accounts indicate a lot of second guessing and doubting about what the future would be without the Son of Man around physically.  Sort of like living in a suspended state.

We know what Saturday is like.  That’s where you live for a long long time.

But Sunday’s coming.

Quite literally as I type this, our dear friends, the Funks, who stood by us like soldiers for weeks and weeks, are in a suspended animation state with their family, specifically, their daughter Jessica (20).

As you read this, please offer a thot and prayer for her as she fights a flu-like infection that has forced her into a stable but critical state in a Vancouver area hospital.

As a group, we didn’t need any more lessons about how precious life was, but we got one anyways.

When it’s Saturday you think…did that thing just happen?  to us?  really?

Did we just lose Chris? really?

You can’t comprehend for a long time what actually happened.

Saturday is a day where those thoughts can come and topple you over.

I don’t know if you remember the blog post back about a year or so ago how astronauts (and others) are trained to compartmentalize their grief and emotions.  That’s the only way they can make it through traumatic situations and still land the plane, save people from burning buildings, deal with trauma etc.  You can read that post here.

I was also struck by the psychology professor commenting on the story indicating that compartmentalization makes sense but it can have severe impacts as well.  In other words you can’t compartmentalize forever.

So…what does that mean?  Saturday is a time when the doubts and questions come…you MUST compartmentalize to keep working, living and moving ahead BUT (and it’s a big BUT – insert your own joke here), if you only compartmentalize, you will pay a HUGE price.

Saturday is also for doubting.

Saturday is also for questioning.

Saturday is for being angry and confused.

Saturday is for letting those thoughts come to the door, you answer, chat a minute or two and then close the door.

That’s why there is a Saturday.

But Sunday’s coming.

To conclude, the blog post I wrote this past Christmas about Bob Ross the painter, has really stuck with me for months.  He’s that quirky public television personality with a cult-like-following who always looked like he destroyed his painting about 3/4 of the way through…only to have the final image always blow you away.  You can read that post here.

What’s the point you say?  Early on in our Saturday, the questions outweighed the answers, the pain outweighed any positive feelings of the future and I couldn’t understand how any pieces fit together.

I still don’t, actually, but I do know this.

The Joy of Painting
The Joy of Painting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I believe very strongly that we ARE part of a larger painting.  We don’t understand all the Master Painter does or is doing.  PERSPECTIVE is a thing that is not quite available on Saturday, but even as Satur-day turns into Saturday-night, that perspective grows.

And I know one thing…Sunday’s coming.

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The Commencement – Part 1

This weekend is hugely significant.

It’s Easter, but that’s just part of the story.

This weekend will conclude the active writings in this blog with three posts, today, tomorrow and Sunday.

Why will things ‘end’ on Easter Sunday?  One of the most read posts of the hundreds now on this blog is the very first one…Easter Sunday and so it begins.  It seems only fitting that two years later on Easter Sunday 2012 we would mark the next chapters in our lives and this blog.

But is it really an end or a Commencement?  Many Universities call their graduation ceremonies Commencements.

Look at the Dictionary.com definition of the word:

noun

  1. an act or instance of commencing;  beginning;
  2. the ceremony of conferring degrees or granting diplomas at the end of the academic year.
  3. the day on which this ceremony takes place.

What strikes me about this word is that commencing means the beginning, even though Graduation is really considered a conclusion of studies by many.  When we think of graduation, we often think of ‘the end’ in terms of the end of studying, exams and being finally able to cross the stage and be acknowledged for the work that has been done.

When you really think about it however, Commencement is the perfect word.  Yes, as a graduate you are celebrating the conclusion of studies, but in the big picture, you are just beginning.

For us, (and I know many of you), this two-year mark is not without notice.  We will never ever forget Chris.  He and Be The Best have become a core in our lives.  You could say the last two years have educated us how to live with the Be The Best thinking, how to fail, how to dust ourselves off, how to make another decision, how to push forward and how to win.

We are then indeed ready for a Commencement of sorts.

This is truly the beginning.  The beginning of a new chapter.  New goals, new decisions, new challenges…all with the increased knowledge we’ve gained during the past two years.

Now, I can’t move past today without acknowledging Good Friday.  It struck me these past few months about the documented accounts of the crucifixion story.  Regardless of religious background, bear with me for a moment.  Jesus was identified as God’s Son and in the moment of utter darkness on a cross and losing his earthly life, he did not say, ‘Hey, this is great God, I like this plan.’

He in fact is quoted as saying, ‘My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Wikipedia references).

For anyone reading who has gone through loss or experiencing these things right now, it’s perfectly ok to question why.  It’s ok to be angry, confused, dazed etc etc.  However, the story doesn’t end with the cross…it begins there.

The story of loss doesn’t end with grief and loss in fact.  It also, in many ways, began there and now a new beginning is peeking out from the clouds.

Friday’s only part of Easter.

Sunday’s coming.

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Slow Down to Speed Up

On our recent vacation we saw turtles.

A whole lot of turtles.

I’ve got one picture with six of them sleeping on the warm sand.

I’ve also got a picture of a turtle in the water.  Completely different.  They are fast, fluid and graceful.

Out of the water they are…well…slow.

They sleep a lot.

Observing them I couldn’t help but think again of the story in the Power of Focus book about a successful businessman, who when asked about the secret of his success stated, ‘I spend a day a week locked in my den and no one can disturb me.’

What?

Yah, I think being slow, sometimes, is the key to being fast.

Thinking, taking time, getting recharged, soaking the rays, prepares the mind and body for the swim ahead.

Been slow lately?

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Sun and stars.

In the first year after losing Chris, I spent many evenings watching the sun set and to this day I can’t watch a sunset or look at a moon lit sky without thinking of him.

On a recent vacation I thought about where we were and where Max was separated by a huge ocean and hours of flying.

As I looked up at the night sky with stars as bright as I’ve ever seen, I thought of Chris being high enough to connect to Max and at the same time keep an eye on Ingrid and myself.

So, whatever you think of when you think of sunsets, here are a few images for you from Hawaii’s Big Island.

(and yes, that’s a lava rock formation in the water, and yes, you can download pictures or link to them!)

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Dan Cloutier, Chris and Be The Best

Goaltender Dan Cloutier with the Vancouver Can...
Image via Wikipedia

I was doing some filing today.

Yah, I know.  Great times.

In any event, I stumbled across a file that had some drawings from Max and Chris.

I just had to share this one.  Dan Cloutier and Be The Best maybe don’t sound like they fit anymore, but he had his very best years as a Canuck goalie and the kids loved him.

Max and Chris spent hours drawing these guys.  I think Chris was 9 or 10 when he drew this one.

Notice Pronger taking a slapshot and Cloutier flashing the leather for a great save…(even if it looks like the puck is going wide…)

But then I saw the title, ‘The Best in The Business’.  This wasn’t something we talked about.

He was already relating the success of Cloutier as an NHL goalie to being the Best in the Business.

Not quite, Be The Best…but some early signs of what was to come as he strove to realize his own goals.

Notice the artist’s signature in the lower right corner.

The Best in the Business.

Be The Best.

Love it.

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Another lesson in perspective.

I got another lesson in perspective from a very reliable source.

Scrabble
Image via Wikipedia

My iPad Scrabble game.

Yah, that’s right.  I said it, Scrabble.

I was involved in an intense fight with my arch nemesis, the iPad computer.

We were locked in a tough duel and I was determined.

I stared at my tiles for 2 minutes, then 4 minutes, then my screen went grey.

I refreshed and stared again.

I couldn’t see an option.

Then I hit the reshuffle button.

Same letters.  Exact same, just different order.

There in front of my eyes was the obvious solution.

This has happened again and again.  Just changing the perspective was the key to getting the solution.

There’s been a lot on perspective lately and one thing I’m learning is to hit the reshuffle button and then look at the letters again.

Same letters, different approach, solution.

Interesting.

 
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Old school meets new school.

English: Apple iPad Event

Every Christmas I look forward to a few days of non work time that I can use to work.

Let me explain.

With a very busy schedule there are many times when I don’t get the chance to just think or explore or let an idea lead to another idea or just experiment.  One thing that I’ve found helpful for me is to use technology to push my own boundaries and that learning can lead to further creativity, new ideas and…wait for it…additional perspective.

So, this year’s Christmas ‘project’ was iPad exploration.  I’m in love with this thing.

However, technology can come with a cost.  There’s a learning curve and so when I got an iTunes gift card I dutifully loaded it into my laptop account and the next day proceeded to download some other apps and music on my iPad and realized a credit card had been billed although a credit should have remained from the iTunes card.

Old school thinking: I probably loaded the card up wrong, so I better find the card now in the kitchen garbage from 2 days ago mixing nicely with the other garbage outside.  Yah, that was fun, but after a little CSI rubber glove investigation, I found it. When I reloaded the card info, I was told the card had already been used.

What?

Newer school thinking: Actually think through the scenario and begin to dig deeper.  Could there be a technology problem and solution?  As it turned out, I had created a second Apple ID and although the devices were syncing together, they were accessing iTunes with different ID’s one of which had the gift card credit still on it and one that had a credit card number on it.

After 30 minutes of invoking the humbling ‘wife can you help me clause’ in our marriage agreement and some interesting searching through online tech chat sites (not), we discovered and fixed the issue.

Why am I telling you this?

Years ago, before iPads and iPods, I told myself that if I could learn ONE new technology item every year and really try to master it, I could continue to learn and grow and push both my efficiency AND effectiveness levels upwards.

For example, one year spending a couple of hours trying to figure out my OLD cell phone and actually program in speed dial numbers was an incredible help.

Today it’s the iPad and the investment of a few hours of initial frustration (some of it self-created!) is part of the learning process that I look forward to every Christmas…just a couple of days where you can relax a little, dig through some garbage and learn some new tricks!

I wish all of you a very meaningful, productive, and inspiring 2012 with many BE THE BEST moments!

Looking forward to sharing those as we go.

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The way you face.

One of the things I love about Saturday mornings is watching a little Premier League Soccer as the schedule permits.  With games as early as 5 and 7am, the timing works well with the newspaper and a good cup of coffee.

I love the skill, the speed, the set-up and I love those British announcers use of the English language.  Their phrasing and commentary adds a poetic quality to the experience.

Football (Soccer ball)
Image via Wikipedia

We’ve played a lot of noon hour soccer with my work gang over the years.

It’s not quite at Premier League level…but you wouldn’t know it from the locker room stories told just after the match.

When you play sports and you are in the heat of the moment field-of-play one thing you’ll hear is players shouting to other players.  Usually instructions come in bursts of 2 or 3 repeats.  Move the ball, move the ball, MOVE THE BALL…all increasing in urgency.

Ok, that last one is what gets yelled at me a lot, so maybe I’m just sensitive.  Joking aside, I’ve wondered about this form of communication and liken it to military instruction in the heat of the battle.  You want to be clear about your communication and there’s no time to waste with niceties.

One of the most interesting lines I’ve heard a million times on the soccer pitch is, ‘the way you face’.

When you are playing soccer the objective is pretty clear.  You need to score on the opponent’s goal.  In order to do this you should be moving the ball forward toward the enemy’s net.

However, many times you don’t receive the ball in a position where going forward makes the most sense.

In other words, if you receive the ball and you happen to be turned towards your own goal, your natural instinct may be to make an immediate turn and try to push the ball forward.

That could be the worst move.

When you hear, ‘the way you face’, ‘the way you face’, ‘the way you face’, it’s a reminder from your teammate to gain control of the ball and move the ball in the direction you are facing at the time which may appear counterproductive but ultimately allows your team to go forward.

I’ve thought about that phrase a lot in the game of life.

Sometimes turning too quickly and trying to push forward to the opponent’s goal is not the right move.

Playing the way you face, ie passing the ball ‘backwards’ before your team moves the play forward again protects possession and ultimately provides a greater opportunity to score.

Too heavy on the soccer analogies?

I think I may get another Americano and watch game 2 of the Premier League.

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Lamb lollipops and changing lives

Ever had one of those lamb lollipop things?  They are popular at networking events with the idea being that you can eat them standing up, maybe balance a glass of wine and still mingle with people.

I’m not that coordinated.

So, some context.

Ingrid and I were invited to the Simon Fraser University’s ‘President’s Reception’, because of our connection with Chris’ fund.  We weren’t able to attend the event last year so with a bit of apprehension of the unknown we headed to SFU’s Goldcorp Centre for the Arts in Gastown.

I expected to hear a few words from the President.  I expected to perhaps eat some appetizer type foods.  I expected to hear a few speeches.  I did not expect to be so incredibly moved and inspired.

So…with my hands full, I spied a stand-up table at the edge of the room where one other couple was also doing the balancing act.  I made a simple comment asking if we might join them and a conversation ensued.

The people we met by ‘random circumstance’ (or not) were a Professor and his wife who is a retired Professor herself.

We talked about SFU and their relationship to the donor event.

They of course asked about our connection which led to a conversation about Chris.

The Professor (names protected) talked about a long time friend of his and how his friend’s memorial fund had built up over 20 years and was now helping students on a yearly basis, stating that every dollar counts.

We couldn’t agree more.  To see Chris’ fund payout for the first time last year was amazing and we’re very excited about challenging a young man once again in January when the 2nd gift will be ready for disbursement.

If the evening had ended there, that would already have been more than I expected, but it didn’t.

Our Professor couple went home, read some more about Chris and the next day connected themselves with the fund financially.

Are you kidding me?

You have to be in our situation to really understand what that means, but for a couple, on a completely random and chance meeting, to think enough about what Chris’ fund will mean to future SFU students and citizens was amazing and humbling for us.

I have left that experience again inspired about Being The Best.

Deep heartfelt kindness from total strangers.

A deep understanding of how small decisions have major impacts with time.

For me, it provided another dose of energy as we recognize how impactful our words and actions can be.

And the lamb lollipops….perfect…I went back for seconds.