Tag: Cathy AJ Hardy

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Be The Best.

The Commencement – Part 2

So it’s Saturday.  The trauma and drama of the cross is behind us, but now what?  Historical accounts indicate a lot of second guessing and doubting about what the future would be without the Son of Man around physically.  Sort of like living in a suspended state.

We know what Saturday is like.  That’s where you live for a long long time.

But Sunday’s coming.

Quite literally as I type this, our dear friends, the Funks, who stood by us like soldiers for weeks and weeks, are in a suspended animation state with their family, specifically, their daughter Jessica (20).

As you read this, please offer a thot and prayer for her as she fights a flu-like infection that has forced her into a stable but critical state in a Vancouver area hospital.

As a group, we didn’t need any more lessons about how precious life was, but we got one anyways.

When it’s Saturday you think…did that thing just happen?  to us?  really?

Did we just lose Chris? really?

You can’t comprehend for a long time what actually happened.

Saturday is a day where those thoughts can come and topple you over.

I don’t know if you remember the blog post back about a year or so ago how astronauts (and others) are trained to compartmentalize their grief and emotions.  That’s the only way they can make it through traumatic situations and still land the plane, save people from burning buildings, deal with trauma etc.  You can read that post here.

I was also struck by the psychology professor commenting on the story indicating that compartmentalization makes sense but it can have severe impacts as well.  In other words you can’t compartmentalize forever.

So…what does that mean?  Saturday is a time when the doubts and questions come…you MUST compartmentalize to keep working, living and moving ahead BUT (and it’s a big BUT – insert your own joke here), if you only compartmentalize, you will pay a HUGE price.

Saturday is also for doubting.

Saturday is also for questioning.

Saturday is for being angry and confused.

Saturday is for letting those thoughts come to the door, you answer, chat a minute or two and then close the door.

That’s why there is a Saturday.

But Sunday’s coming.

To conclude, the blog post I wrote this past Christmas about Bob Ross the painter, has really stuck with me for months.  He’s that quirky public television personality with a cult-like-following who always looked like he destroyed his painting about 3/4 of the way through…only to have the final image always blow you away.  You can read that post here.

What’s the point you say?  Early on in our Saturday, the questions outweighed the answers, the pain outweighed any positive feelings of the future and I couldn’t understand how any pieces fit together.

I still don’t, actually, but I do know this.

The Joy of Painting
The Joy of Painting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I believe very strongly that we ARE part of a larger painting.  We don’t understand all the Master Painter does or is doing.  PERSPECTIVE is a thing that is not quite available on Saturday, but even as Satur-day turns into Saturday-night, that perspective grows.

And I know one thing…Sunday’s coming.

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Be The Best.

Langley wins Provincial Championship…and other stuff you should know.

When it comes to lacrosse, both field and box, Langley has always been close to the top and rarely at the top.

The boys, really young men now, that you see in the picture below have been battling for a gold medal for 10 years or more.

I watched a young Chris write down his goal, ‘Make the A1 Langley lacrosse team’.

Then I watched him work that goal.  Push-ups, eating right, practice, repeat.  Working and never quitting.

He made it.  The next goal was to win.  I watched him and his squad battle their hearts out to several bronze medals at the Provincials.  They were huge accomplishments, but the ride home was usually quiet.

He wanted the Gold.

When he won the bronze with Team BC at the National Box Tournie, it was again an amazing accomplishment but the gold still remained the goal.

A couple of Sundays ago on the fields at Burnaby Lake, Langley’s Tier 1 (A1) field lacrosse team won the Gold medal for the FIRST TIME IN LANGLEY’S HISTORY.

These were all guys that Chris had played with over the years and judging by the comments on Chris’ still very active memorial Facebook wall, he was with them on the field for the big win.

CONGRATS to all the players and coaches…and parents too!!  As I look at the picture below I see James, Michael, Brett, Eric, Ryan, Rhys, Riley, Will, Alex and more.

You all have battled for many years together and I know that Chris LOVED fighting the fight with you and I know he’ll be your wingman as many of you leave minor lacrosse and move forward with the next exciting stages of life.

This was a MEGA accomplishment and I know Chris will be beaming for a long time about this one.

You can read the full story in the Langley Times here. 

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Easter Sunday, and so it begins…v2

I wrote a post with that same title, ‘Easter Sunday, and so it begins’ on Easter Sunday 2010.

Although over a year has passed and we’ve marked a year from Chris passing date and service date, today marks a very important milestone as well.

Since beginning this blog last Easter Sunday, individual blog posts have been read over 127,000 times.

I get that most people still to this day don’t really know what to say or how to say it.  But as therapeutic as writing these posts day after day and week after week has been, it’s been amazing to know that a silent army stands alongside.

I love that.

I read with interest an essay in the Vancouver Sun over morning coffee yesterday.

It was titled, ‘The Biology of hope bolsters Easter’s central message’.  I’ve linked here if you have time to peruse.

I love this little excerpt:

These definitions make clear hope should not be confused with blind optimism.

When we are suffering or fearful, our hopes may often be dim, but they must include reasonable expectation.

Hope is distinguished from mere wishing. We can wish for financial wealth, or a cure for our loved one’s cancer, a dictator to be vanquished or a sudden end to global warming. But sometimes wishes are not realistic.

“Wishing are words and left brain,” Vaillant writes.

“In contrast, hope is made up of images and is rooted in the right brain. Wishing on a star takes no effort. Hope often requires enormous effort and shapes real lives.”

The transcendent quality of hope points to why researchers are coming to realize it is not only an emotion. It is a virtue.

As such, it must be cultivated, especially when times are toughest.

When I wrote the post, ‘Hope is an action word’, Chris’ amazing friend (who’s name is Hope) wrote a fantastic comment.  It simply said, ‘I am Hope’.

Yes you are.  Hope…you are Hope!

If you don’t mind, we are trying to be a little Hope-like ourselves!

The thing that really struck me about this article in the Sun was that in order for Hope to be Hope and not just a wish or dream, is that it required ACTION.

HOPE, DECISIONS, ACTION.

As I said on Friday, it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.

Of course Sunday is here for Easter 2011, but we wait and live with HOPE for our next ‘Sunday’ with Chris whenever that will be.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/life/Biology+hope+bolsters+Easter+central+message/4663871/story.html#ixzz1KRrA9apN

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Sunsets in a different place.

You know I love sunrises and especially sunsets.

This is a bit of a different one.  This is taken with a lousy Blackberry phone, but I loved the sun screaming across the field and shining on a wall.

The field is a cemetery and the wall is Chris’ wall.  Dogwood #41.

Every time we go to the cemetery it is a special moment for lack of a better word.

We get that Chris’ spirit doesn’t live there.

But that being said, it’s becoming a very cool place to connect with Chris and all the love, emotions, hopes, desires, proud moments, sad moments, lost future, and hope of a future to come.

Here’s a little peek at that world.

View from Chris' wall looking out across the cemetery field at the setting sun.
View of Chris' wall with his white rose (from his Mom) and paper marker as we await his brass name plate. Love the sun hitting the wall in the latter part of the day.
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Now that was something.

AC (Cathy AJ Hardy) put on her CD release concert last night.

It was great to see so many people there including many blog readers!

I hate it when your little sister can make you cry, but the song she sang for Chris last night melted the pieces of my heart.

Ingrid and I recently met with a strong woman who had experienced the loss of her son over a decade ago.

The first thing I noticed about her was her eyes.  Determined.  Deep.  Questioning but peaceful.

I loved that presence.

Sure, there were unanswered questions, but that same theme came up as it has again and again.

She had made choices about her future as she moved forward.

AC’s concert was all about the journey.

It was all about making decisions even though the path wasn’t always clear.

Generally speaking we’ll never have all the data to make ‘perfect’ decisions.

We simply continue to choose and move forward toward our goal.

Here’s a few pics.

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Be The Best.

Balloons are fun?

I needed to get some balloons for the cemetery on Friday.

See any words that don’t sort of go together already?

So, I ‘googled’ dutifully and found a great supplier nearby…’Balloons-R-Fun’.  Seriously!?

I actually had a good telephone chat with the small biz owner and suggested she might change her business name as she told me how often she helps people with memorial situations.

Maybe something like, ‘Balloons-R-Fun and Maybe-They-R-Not-That-Fun’…or something like that.

In any event, she was very kind and Max picked up 20 helium filled balloons that afternoon.

One thing one should do when releasing balloons is check the wind conditions.  We had other things on our minds so when we released the first batch of balloons at 2:32 and 41 seconds, they flew right up into the big tree above Chris’ Dogwood wall.

What was actually very cool was Ethan’s balloon, which was the only one with a written message on it, got ‘stuck’ on the end of a branch out above the wall.  It was sort of like it was saying a special hello.  Ethan later sent off another balloon which you see in the video.  He’s wearing Chris’ Johns Hopkins lacrosse hoodie which is a lifetime classic and now proudly owned by Ethan.

Things got even more interesting when Chris’ friends let go of the four balloons we had left an hour or so later.  I didn’t realize what had happened until I saw the video later.  Three of the four balloons stay together and the fourth balloon is also moving upward, just slightly separated.

Pretty powerful symbolism.

Perhaps Balloons-r-Fun…or at least symbolic…

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Where to start.

Yah, that’s right.

I said where to start.  It’s been a second but it’s been a year all at the same time.

I thought I might end this blog today, but I think I have about 365 blog posts after yesterday and today alone, so we’ll just get to them one by one!

Laying Chris’ ashes to rest inside the heavy granite chamber of the cemetery niche wall had a sense of finality to it, but also an amazing sense of peace.  It was simply the right thing to do.  Not only will we have a place to go and stand in the middle of these huge trees, but so will others.

This is truly a place that anyone of you can go and think and talk to Chris or remember.  We just love seeing Chris’ friends.  They are changing so much.  Getting so mature as they move towards their graduation milestones.  But more on that later.

The emotion sort of flowed a little for me at that moment of release.  I realized that I had personally watched over my son from the hospital to the funeral home, the service at the church, and then back to the funeral home and then every day for the last year.

On March 25, 2011 it was time to let go a little.

Not let go of Chris.  He is more part of me than ever before.

Simply, it was time to let go and let others also have a more physical connection to his memory.

Something that will live forever.

The bronze name plate is on its way, so you’ll see a simple laminated paper scan of the work for the next few weeks.

You are welcome anytime….between 9 and dusk that is!

Dogwood 41.

AC was there and sang Love Shines in the middle of those amazing trees.  It was awesome.  Not only that, she had set her sights on completing her new CD on March 25 and wouldn’t you know it, she picked up 2,000 copies that morning.  We’ve played it all weekend.  Love it Cath.

I want to invite you all to her gala concert at the wonderfully acoustic Matsqui Auditorium in Clearbrook on Sat, April 16.  (Yes, that is on the VALLEY side of the Port Mann Bridge for my Vancouver readers…(just a little running joke with some of you!))

I’m pretty proud of that girl.  You can read a great newspaper story on her music here.

Here’s a few pics from the cemetery so you get a sense.

At 2:32:41 we released some balloons and looked up and said hi to Chris.

I know many of you did too.

Love it.

As we watch balloons go up, you see the walls in the background guarded by the trees.
Balloons released. Nice shot Max!
Temporary marker...you get a sense of how it will look.
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Be The Best.

How to make today great.

Chris and Max jump the California surf (summer 2009)

I slept pretty well, but woke up early…like 4am early.

Is that an oxymoronish statement?  Maybe…but it’s an interesting insight into our world.

I did sleep well, just not all that long.

Today is not necessarily a great day…or is it?

Obviously as we mark one year to the day that we lost Chris there are a lot of emotions flowing through our minds and bodies.  We wish so deeply we could give him a real hug and see him again here on earth.  But we can’t.

But we can continue to make choices.  We can continue to live with a strong purpose.  We can use Chris’ passion to fuel us on our journeys.  We can continue to strive to Be The Best in everything we do.

Here’s three things that can help make today great.

1. Hug someone you love today.  (if you’re at work, make sure this isn’t an awkward moment..!!) 😉

2. Give something away. (not money…I’m talking about a smile, your expertise, a compliment, word of encouragement)

3. Live on purpose with purpose. This is the core of the Be The Best thinking.

Is today going to be hard? Probably…they all are.

Is today going to be great? With every ‘I’m the Captain of my Soul’ ounce of energy I have, I will keep making decisions all day long to make this day as great as possible.  One of the ‘greatest ever’.

(To understand that last paragraph you need to reference the Invictus blogs and The Best Day Ever blog)

Sort of makes saying, ‘Have a Great Day!’ a little deeper doesn’t it?

I THANK all of you for your support reading this blog and your thoughts and prayers throughout this year.

Be The Best.

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On my mind

AC, my sister Cathy, aka Auntie Cathy to Chris and many others wrote a very cool post on her blog today.

She has experienced the loss of a young teen-aged nephew on both sides of her family.  You can read the full post, but here’s an excerpt.

The question has come to me – how will you then live?  How will we all live?
There is a quote by St. Irenaeus that has come to reside deep within me –

‘The glory of God is a human being fully alive’

To be fully alive is perhaps the best answer I can give….to choose to be present, to choose life, to choose gratefulness, to choose to take risks in following dreams and passions…to fully live….is how I can say to these two boys I love…….Trevor & Chris…..you are on my mind

I love that concept of being fully alive.

People ask us how we carry on.  How can you deal with this kind of tragedy?

I tell them that first you choose to live and live with purpose.

We’ve said that Chris’ passion will fuel us.

I’m still discovering what that means, but living with purpose and being fully alive is certainly part of that equation.

I can’t believe it’s 11 months.

I simply can’t tell you what an aching heart feels like, but I know many of you also have known the pain of loss.

The thought that is continually in our minds and hearts is the knowledge that a pain so deep only exists because of a love so deep.  And because of that love, we will live our lives with purpose using Chris’ passion and others to fuel our journeys.

Have a Be The Best weekend…oh and Go Canucks Go against Boston tomorrow.

I’m allowed to say that right?  Oh yah, it’s my blog.

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Circles

I’ve been thinking about circles lately.

You know I love sunsets, but did you know this?  The sun’s diameter is 1.4 million kilometers.

That’s a big circle, or I guess sphere would be the more appropriate word.

I’ve thought so many times of Chris’ beautiful eyes and how they are living on and helping to give a young transplant patient improved sight.  I love those small circles of light.

I looked down last week at the desk on which I write this tonight.  There are salty circles that have stained the table, the sometimes unavoidable outcome of overflowing eyes.

I also think of the circle of life and sometimes how big and sometimes how small it can be.

Our hearts break for the family of 12-year-old budding hockey player Coleton Nelson who was killed in a car accident this weekend here in Valley.

That circle of life was way too short.

So was Chris’.  A short circle of life, but oh so big.

Circles.  Big.

Circles.  Small.

Circles.

Do me a favour and give your kids a great big hug tonight!

If you’re a kid reading this, it’s ok to tell your folks you sorta luv them too!!

Be The Best.