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Be The Best.

You gotta hear this one…

Ok, you gotta read this one, but you get the point.

I talked to a someone today who is leaving for a new job, a new adventure…following dreams, but very concrete dreams.

In our conversation it came out that I had said something about writing goals down a few years ago that caused some reflection.

That reflection became thoughts which became action in the form of goals being written down.

Those goals turned into visible reminders and invisible ones too that propelled further action in terms of a definable action plan which is really a series of small decisions that push one forward creating energy and momentum as you go.

We never know the impact our words and actions have on others.  Ever.

I saw what happened when we wrote goals down as a family…yes, every New Year’s Eve.  It was a tradition, but a very important one.

I saw how those goals helped each of us focus and achieve.

I used the question, ‘Are we doers or viewers?’ many times with the boys.

ie, Are we going to watch life go by or be actively engaged and help others along the way.

Seeing the impact Chris continues to have shows how much you can influence…even in a short 17 years.

We still see a stream of comments on his Facebook page and we know his words and actions are still inspiring many today, young and old….er.

I know it’s not quite New Year’s…but if you have goals that you’ve thought about in your head for a long time but that’s where they’ve stayed, I’d challenge you to write them down.

You’ll be amazed at the results.

Be The Best.

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Be The Best.

Easter Sunday, and so it begins…v2

I wrote a post with that same title, ‘Easter Sunday, and so it begins’ on Easter Sunday 2010.

Although over a year has passed and we’ve marked a year from Chris passing date and service date, today marks a very important milestone as well.

Since beginning this blog last Easter Sunday, individual blog posts have been read over 127,000 times.

I get that most people still to this day don’t really know what to say or how to say it.  But as therapeutic as writing these posts day after day and week after week has been, it’s been amazing to know that a silent army stands alongside.

I love that.

I read with interest an essay in the Vancouver Sun over morning coffee yesterday.

It was titled, ‘The Biology of hope bolsters Easter’s central message’.  I’ve linked here if you have time to peruse.

I love this little excerpt:

These definitions make clear hope should not be confused with blind optimism.

When we are suffering or fearful, our hopes may often be dim, but they must include reasonable expectation.

Hope is distinguished from mere wishing. We can wish for financial wealth, or a cure for our loved one’s cancer, a dictator to be vanquished or a sudden end to global warming. But sometimes wishes are not realistic.

“Wishing are words and left brain,” Vaillant writes.

“In contrast, hope is made up of images and is rooted in the right brain. Wishing on a star takes no effort. Hope often requires enormous effort and shapes real lives.”

The transcendent quality of hope points to why researchers are coming to realize it is not only an emotion. It is a virtue.

As such, it must be cultivated, especially when times are toughest.

When I wrote the post, ‘Hope is an action word’, Chris’ amazing friend (who’s name is Hope) wrote a fantastic comment.  It simply said, ‘I am Hope’.

Yes you are.  Hope…you are Hope!

If you don’t mind, we are trying to be a little Hope-like ourselves!

The thing that really struck me about this article in the Sun was that in order for Hope to be Hope and not just a wish or dream, is that it required ACTION.

HOPE, DECISIONS, ACTION.

As I said on Friday, it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.

Of course Sunday is here for Easter 2011, but we wait and live with HOPE for our next ‘Sunday’ with Chris whenever that will be.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/life/Biology+hope+bolsters+Easter+central+message/4663871/story.html#ixzz1KRrA9apN

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Be The Best.

Balloons are fun?

I needed to get some balloons for the cemetery on Friday.

See any words that don’t sort of go together already?

So, I ‘googled’ dutifully and found a great supplier nearby…’Balloons-R-Fun’.  Seriously!?

I actually had a good telephone chat with the small biz owner and suggested she might change her business name as she told me how often she helps people with memorial situations.

Maybe something like, ‘Balloons-R-Fun and Maybe-They-R-Not-That-Fun’…or something like that.

In any event, she was very kind and Max picked up 20 helium filled balloons that afternoon.

One thing one should do when releasing balloons is check the wind conditions.  We had other things on our minds so when we released the first batch of balloons at 2:32 and 41 seconds, they flew right up into the big tree above Chris’ Dogwood wall.

What was actually very cool was Ethan’s balloon, which was the only one with a written message on it, got ‘stuck’ on the end of a branch out above the wall.  It was sort of like it was saying a special hello.  Ethan later sent off another balloon which you see in the video.  He’s wearing Chris’ Johns Hopkins lacrosse hoodie which is a lifetime classic and now proudly owned by Ethan.

Things got even more interesting when Chris’ friends let go of the four balloons we had left an hour or so later.  I didn’t realize what had happened until I saw the video later.  Three of the four balloons stay together and the fourth balloon is also moving upward, just slightly separated.

Pretty powerful symbolism.

Perhaps Balloons-r-Fun…or at least symbolic…

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Be The Best.

Where to start.

Yah, that’s right.

I said where to start.  It’s been a second but it’s been a year all at the same time.

I thought I might end this blog today, but I think I have about 365 blog posts after yesterday and today alone, so we’ll just get to them one by one!

Laying Chris’ ashes to rest inside the heavy granite chamber of the cemetery niche wall had a sense of finality to it, but also an amazing sense of peace.  It was simply the right thing to do.  Not only will we have a place to go and stand in the middle of these huge trees, but so will others.

This is truly a place that anyone of you can go and think and talk to Chris or remember.  We just love seeing Chris’ friends.  They are changing so much.  Getting so mature as they move towards their graduation milestones.  But more on that later.

The emotion sort of flowed a little for me at that moment of release.  I realized that I had personally watched over my son from the hospital to the funeral home, the service at the church, and then back to the funeral home and then every day for the last year.

On March 25, 2011 it was time to let go a little.

Not let go of Chris.  He is more part of me than ever before.

Simply, it was time to let go and let others also have a more physical connection to his memory.

Something that will live forever.

The bronze name plate is on its way, so you’ll see a simple laminated paper scan of the work for the next few weeks.

You are welcome anytime….between 9 and dusk that is!

Dogwood 41.

AC was there and sang Love Shines in the middle of those amazing trees.  It was awesome.  Not only that, she had set her sights on completing her new CD on March 25 and wouldn’t you know it, she picked up 2,000 copies that morning.  We’ve played it all weekend.  Love it Cath.

I want to invite you all to her gala concert at the wonderfully acoustic Matsqui Auditorium in Clearbrook on Sat, April 16.  (Yes, that is on the VALLEY side of the Port Mann Bridge for my Vancouver readers…(just a little running joke with some of you!))

I’m pretty proud of that girl.  You can read a great newspaper story on her music here.

Here’s a few pics from the cemetery so you get a sense.

At 2:32:41 we released some balloons and looked up and said hi to Chris.

I know many of you did too.

Love it.

As we watch balloons go up, you see the walls in the background guarded by the trees.
Balloons released. Nice shot Max!
Temporary marker...you get a sense of how it will look.
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Be The Best.

And the award goes to…

The cool thing about the Chris Friesen Memorial Award is that you don’t ‘win’ it by necessarily scoring the most goals.  It’s about what happens on the field for sure…but it’s also about what happens off the field.  It’s about someone who is making a difference, changing lives and living with Chris’ passion to BE THE BEST.

Here are some details from the official terms of reference that Simon Fraser University has on this fund.  This is significant because these words will stay forever linked to this award.  We think that’s very cool.

——————

The Christian Friesen Memorial Endowment Fund was established in 2010 in memory of Christian Friesen. Funds for the endowment fund were donated by friends and family. The endowment fund supports the Christian Friesen Memorial Award.

Christian (Chris) Douglas Friesen was born on January 14, 1993.  He passed away on March 25, 2010.

Chris’ passion was lacrosse.  He represented his hometown of Langley on many occasions and represented his Province of British Columbia on the national stage in both box lacrosse and field lacrosse.  One of his crowning achievements was to be named to the All-star Team at the National Field Championship in Winnipeg, September 2009.

Letters of interest from multiple universities in the United States had been received, but Simon Fraser was still very much at the top of Chris’ list for consideration.

Chris had a strong affiliation with the Burnaby Mountain Selects program run by the SFU lacrosse coaches.  The involvement in this program pushed him academically and athletically. Chris was determined to Be The Best.

Chris’ passion for life and his incredible smile, personality, kindness and compassion was echoed by over 2,800 people who joined his Facebook remembrance page within days of his passing.

The recipients of this award are encouraged to Be The Best and to change the world.

———————–

When Brent (one of SFU’s head coaches) whispered the name of the recepient to me just before the dinner on Saturday, I loved the choice the Coaches had made.

The inaugural winner of the Chris Friesen Memorial award is Luke Genereux.  Luke was one of a number of assistant coaches who were usually college players themselves and were like older brothers to the boys in the BMS program.  Luke played with Chris.  Taught Chris.  Chris really looked up to Luke as a role model, superb lacrosse player and as a person.  You can see Luke’s profile here.

As parents and for Max too, we couldn’t think of a better way to kick this award train off!  Congratulations Luke.  You are hereby challenged to BE THE BEST as you explore the future and build your career and life experiences.  As we told you personally on Saturday night, we are very proud of you.  Great stuff!!

Here’s a pic of Ingrid and I with Luke.

This night had been circled on our calendar for many months.

It has come and it has gone…and it’s sort of cool to think that in another 363 days or so, another young man will be challenged to BE THE BEST and continue to live with focus, kindness, desire, passion, drive and intensity.

Chris…your passion will fuel us all.

Congrats Luke!!

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Be The Best.

Interview with God?

Ever thought of having an interview with God?

I think we’ve all probably had a few questions we’d like answered from time to time.

Over the past months we’ve been supported by people of all faiths, backgrounds and cultures.

It’s been amazing.

Last week we were sent this link to this Interview with God.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but once I started the slide show thing-a-ma-jig I watched till the end.

Each question and answer is thought-provoking and could be pondered for hours or days.

I thought I would share here.

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/

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Be The Best.

Happy Birthday Chris!

So many people have told us or emailed us about how they thought of us over Christmas.

I know so many more think of us often and are thinking of us now as we mark what would have been Chris’ 18th birthday tomorrow even if they don’t or can’t tell us.

We are exactly the same way.

We’ve been following the story of the Berg family in Mission and Gillian Berg’s amazing strength and very real highs and lows as she takes care of her family and slowly moves forward with each day.

You can follow and support with your thoughts and prayers through: http://gillianb-journeying.blogspot.com/

The reason I say we are the same is that our hearts go out to Gillian and her family, but we don’t know them personally.  Our thoughts and prayers are with them, but we haven’t verbalized that to them.  For now we will support by reading, caring and praying.  Just as we’ve done, she can see by the blog views how so many people are supporting them.

We know that’s what people do for us all the time.

As we approach Chris’ birthday tomorrow, we don’t have any big public events happening.  A few of his school buds will drop by.  As a family, we’ll head to our favourite steakhouse for a big steak dinner and piece of ice cream cake.  Chris was a fitness and health food fanatic, but he would eat steak and ice cream cake…and we’ll have some in his honour tomorrow night.

So the question is always, what can I do?  What should I do?  I don’t know them very well, or even if I do, I’m not sure what to do.

Here’s the solution.

We’d ask everyone who reads this blog to do some little thing in honour of Chris tomorrow.

Here’s a few ideas.

1. push-ups – even doing one or two in his name would be cool

2. make a toast when you have dinner

3. hug your kids

4. hug your parents

5. eat some yogurt (he would eat probably 4-6 per day)

6. wish him a happy birthday verbally

7. cook some eggs (yep…he ate a LOT of eggs)

There’s a few ways.

I’m sure you can think of more.

Drop us a comment if you want to share.

If you don’t, we totally get it and we want to say thank you for the continued support.

Randy, Ingrid and Max.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!

 

Jan 09 - Chris turns 16.

 

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Be The Best.

Good morning, mourning.

Morning and Mourning.

Although I did not consult with any etymologists directly, I have been completely informed by Wikipedia and therefore am completely confident (not) that these words did not originate from similar sources.

That being said, The Online Etymology Dictionary is a very interesting place to go if you need a break from Facebook or that online poker site…(you know who you are) 😉

Being soundly beaten by my Mom (and Dad and Max) in Scrabble over the holidays has provided me with some increased motivation to study a word or two.

These words however, morning and mourning, have been kicking around in my head for months.

I really didn’t understand what the word mourning meant until we lost Chris.

After that it didn’t take long to get the true meaning of that word…and it is something that will simply be a part of us forever.

You hear of a period of mourning.  I guess in one sense that is very true, but I can’t believe that the feeling of loss and mourning will ever really disappear.

What I found interesting though was that the word morning, at least in our English language, lives in the word mourning.

Why interesting?

When I think of mourning I think of the ache of loss.  When I think of morning I think of the energy and anticipation of a new day.

Hmmm…ache of loss while still anticipating the possibilities of a new day.

Yup, I would say there definitely can be morning in mourning.

I shot this pic a few weeks back.  The winter can be seen as desolate and cold with the trees losing all their leaves.  Although this is  a shot of the sun setting on that very cold scene, to me it’s actually a sign of hope.

You know why?

After the sunset comes the morning.  The same trees will still be bare.  It will still be cold.  The mourning will still be there.  But morning, with all it’s anticipation of the future, will be there too.

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Be The Best.

Wee Trolls and We Day

I was struck by two very different articles in this morning’s newspapers.

The Province carried a story called, ‘Take back Facebook’ which highlighted an ugly reality of cyberspace.  That reality is that there are people out there (called trolls), who search for memorial sites and place inappropriate (at best) and confrontational messages.  Sad to say, we’ve seen those trolls on Chris’ site too including this past week.  We remove them and ban them and then move on.  You know why?  They are wee trolls (as in small and insignificant).  In other words, those actions only speak to the people conducting those actions and they are not indicative of the majority.

I wrote early on in this blog experience about how Facebook Saved our Lives.  We remember those days so clearly.  Ingrid would spend hours each day reading the messages of support and in those darkest of nights, they kept us going.  We still encourage anyone who wants to know about Chris and our family to read this blog and read the messages on his memorial site.  The whole story is there including the 2 part eulogy.

So from wee trolls we move to article number two featuring We Day.  This is very cool. This is an event happening in Vancouver today that is tied to Free the Children.  What I love about this is that it is youth inspiring youth.  It is everything that is positive about young people.  Vision, desire, passion, action.  Love it.

You can check out We Day and all it means via this link.

Technology provides opportunity.  As humans we can make that positive or negative.

We will continue to monitor the bad and deal with wee trolls, because we know that the power of good as exhibited through the We Day events is the REAL power of young people today.

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Be The Best.

Facebook saved our lives?

This was a quick update note that we sent earlier today to everyone who had joined Chris’ memorial page on Facebook.  I wanted to share it with you here as well.

Ingrid, Max and I wanted to thank you all so much for the support over the past 2 months.  It has been incredible.

If you want to continue to be with us as we journey forward towards the ‘new normal’, you can follow the blog link at: christianfriesen.com (I’ve added an email subscription thing at the bottom right of the page to make it easier for you to know when the new posts go up)

The other HUGE news is that through the generosity of Harrow Sports and the Burnaby Mountain Selects program, a Chris Friesen memorial lacrosse shaft will be produced and orders are going to be received through next Sunday, May 30.  When I first saw the artwork, and even now, I get goose bumps as this is very cool!

Here’s the great part.  All net proceeds (beyond the manufacturing cost) are going to the Christian Friesen Memorial Award at SFU!  We’ve had people ask if you have to play lacrosse to own one.  Answer? Nope!  They are real pieces of art complete with Chris’ signature, ‘Be The Best’ and the lacrosse ‘silhouette’ on the end cap of the stick. To see the sticks and for order info check out: christianfriesen.com and click on the ‘stick order’ tab at the top of page.

We can’t believe it is almost 2 months since Chris’ passing.  Month two in many ways has been harder than month one as the continued reality of Chris not being with us physically sets in.  That being said, the spirit of Chris is here in a growingly significant way.  I see it through people’s (young and older) desire to Be The Best and through people working together on positive change…including push-ups!

We will continue to keep the Facebook group open for the months ahead and want it to be a place you are free to drop a note to us or to Chris as well…and yes, that’s a completely ‘legit’ thing to do.  One of my first blog posts was about how ‘Facebook saved our lives’.  Those notes of support meant more than you can ever imagine.  We sincerely thank you all for your support during these weeks, not only of us, but your support of each other.

Randy

(for Randy, Ingrid and Max)