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Be The Best.

The Commencement – Part 2

So it’s Saturday.  The trauma and drama of the cross is behind us, but now what?  Historical accounts indicate a lot of second guessing and doubting about what the future would be without the Son of Man around physically.  Sort of like living in a suspended state.

We know what Saturday is like.  That’s where you live for a long long time.

But Sunday’s coming.

Quite literally as I type this, our dear friends, the Funks, who stood by us like soldiers for weeks and weeks, are in a suspended animation state with their family, specifically, their daughter Jessica (20).

As you read this, please offer a thot and prayer for her as she fights a flu-like infection that has forced her into a stable but critical state in a Vancouver area hospital.

As a group, we didn’t need any more lessons about how precious life was, but we got one anyways.

When it’s Saturday you think…did that thing just happen?  to us?  really?

Did we just lose Chris? really?

You can’t comprehend for a long time what actually happened.

Saturday is a day where those thoughts can come and topple you over.

I don’t know if you remember the blog post back about a year or so ago how astronauts (and others) are trained to compartmentalize their grief and emotions.  That’s the only way they can make it through traumatic situations and still land the plane, save people from burning buildings, deal with trauma etc.  You can read that post here.

I was also struck by the psychology professor commenting on the story indicating that compartmentalization makes sense but it can have severe impacts as well.  In other words you can’t compartmentalize forever.

So…what does that mean?  Saturday is a time when the doubts and questions come…you MUST compartmentalize to keep working, living and moving ahead BUT (and it’s a big BUT – insert your own joke here), if you only compartmentalize, you will pay a HUGE price.

Saturday is also for doubting.

Saturday is also for questioning.

Saturday is for being angry and confused.

Saturday is for letting those thoughts come to the door, you answer, chat a minute or two and then close the door.

That’s why there is a Saturday.

But Sunday’s coming.

To conclude, the blog post I wrote this past Christmas about Bob Ross the painter, has really stuck with me for months.  He’s that quirky public television personality with a cult-like-following who always looked like he destroyed his painting about 3/4 of the way through…only to have the final image always blow you away.  You can read that post here.

What’s the point you say?  Early on in our Saturday, the questions outweighed the answers, the pain outweighed any positive feelings of the future and I couldn’t understand how any pieces fit together.

I still don’t, actually, but I do know this.

The Joy of Painting
The Joy of Painting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I believe very strongly that we ARE part of a larger painting.  We don’t understand all the Master Painter does or is doing.  PERSPECTIVE is a thing that is not quite available on Saturday, but even as Satur-day turns into Saturday-night, that perspective grows.

And I know one thing…Sunday’s coming.

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Be The Best.

The Commencement – Part 1

This weekend is hugely significant.

It’s Easter, but that’s just part of the story.

This weekend will conclude the active writings in this blog with three posts, today, tomorrow and Sunday.

Why will things ‘end’ on Easter Sunday?  One of the most read posts of the hundreds now on this blog is the very first one…Easter Sunday and so it begins.  It seems only fitting that two years later on Easter Sunday 2012 we would mark the next chapters in our lives and this blog.

But is it really an end or a Commencement?  Many Universities call their graduation ceremonies Commencements.

Look at the Dictionary.com definition of the word:

noun

  1. an act or instance of commencing;  beginning;
  2. the ceremony of conferring degrees or granting diplomas at the end of the academic year.
  3. the day on which this ceremony takes place.

What strikes me about this word is that commencing means the beginning, even though Graduation is really considered a conclusion of studies by many.  When we think of graduation, we often think of ‘the end’ in terms of the end of studying, exams and being finally able to cross the stage and be acknowledged for the work that has been done.

When you really think about it however, Commencement is the perfect word.  Yes, as a graduate you are celebrating the conclusion of studies, but in the big picture, you are just beginning.

For us, (and I know many of you), this two-year mark is not without notice.  We will never ever forget Chris.  He and Be The Best have become a core in our lives.  You could say the last two years have educated us how to live with the Be The Best thinking, how to fail, how to dust ourselves off, how to make another decision, how to push forward and how to win.

We are then indeed ready for a Commencement of sorts.

This is truly the beginning.  The beginning of a new chapter.  New goals, new decisions, new challenges…all with the increased knowledge we’ve gained during the past two years.

Now, I can’t move past today without acknowledging Good Friday.  It struck me these past few months about the documented accounts of the crucifixion story.  Regardless of religious background, bear with me for a moment.  Jesus was identified as God’s Son and in the moment of utter darkness on a cross and losing his earthly life, he did not say, ‘Hey, this is great God, I like this plan.’

He in fact is quoted as saying, ‘My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Wikipedia references).

For anyone reading who has gone through loss or experiencing these things right now, it’s perfectly ok to question why.  It’s ok to be angry, confused, dazed etc etc.  However, the story doesn’t end with the cross…it begins there.

The story of loss doesn’t end with grief and loss in fact.  It also, in many ways, began there and now a new beginning is peeking out from the clouds.

Friday’s only part of Easter.

Sunday’s coming.

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Old school meets new school.

English: Apple iPad Event

Every Christmas I look forward to a few days of non work time that I can use to work.

Let me explain.

With a very busy schedule there are many times when I don’t get the chance to just think or explore or let an idea lead to another idea or just experiment.  One thing that I’ve found helpful for me is to use technology to push my own boundaries and that learning can lead to further creativity, new ideas and…wait for it…additional perspective.

So, this year’s Christmas ‘project’ was iPad exploration.  I’m in love with this thing.

However, technology can come with a cost.  There’s a learning curve and so when I got an iTunes gift card I dutifully loaded it into my laptop account and the next day proceeded to download some other apps and music on my iPad and realized a credit card had been billed although a credit should have remained from the iTunes card.

Old school thinking: I probably loaded the card up wrong, so I better find the card now in the kitchen garbage from 2 days ago mixing nicely with the other garbage outside.  Yah, that was fun, but after a little CSI rubber glove investigation, I found it. When I reloaded the card info, I was told the card had already been used.

What?

Newer school thinking: Actually think through the scenario and begin to dig deeper.  Could there be a technology problem and solution?  As it turned out, I had created a second Apple ID and although the devices were syncing together, they were accessing iTunes with different ID’s one of which had the gift card credit still on it and one that had a credit card number on it.

After 30 minutes of invoking the humbling ‘wife can you help me clause’ in our marriage agreement and some interesting searching through online tech chat sites (not), we discovered and fixed the issue.

Why am I telling you this?

Years ago, before iPads and iPods, I told myself that if I could learn ONE new technology item every year and really try to master it, I could continue to learn and grow and push both my efficiency AND effectiveness levels upwards.

For example, one year spending a couple of hours trying to figure out my OLD cell phone and actually program in speed dial numbers was an incredible help.

Today it’s the iPad and the investment of a few hours of initial frustration (some of it self-created!) is part of the learning process that I look forward to every Christmas…just a couple of days where you can relax a little, dig through some garbage and learn some new tricks!

I wish all of you a very meaningful, productive, and inspiring 2012 with many BE THE BEST moments!

Looking forward to sharing those as we go.

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The picture and the painting.

I wrote about Christmas Day and my trips to the cemetery.

At 9am, a gentle fog floated on the open field.

With so many places closed on Christmas (and rightfully so), I was so thankful for the Township staff and contracted staff who faithfully open the gates and keep the grounds so immaculate for families of loved ones.

In the afternoon a giant ray of sun pushed past a blanket of cloud and lit the late day winter sky with the brush strokes of a master painter.

At just over 21 months, I still can’t say I understand the picture.  I’m not sure if I’m holding the painting upside down or if I’m looking at a portrait or a landscape.

I’m gaining some understanding however that this painting we call life is a combination of brush strokes, paint colour and the elements all combining to form an image we see here and I believe one that will only be fully understood when we see it from the Painter’s perspective.

I’ve written many times about perspective and still am learning.  Remember the TV show featuring painter extraordinaire, Bob Ross.  Love that guy.  Here’s a video of him doing a painting with time-lapse.  Whenever I would watch Bob paint, I would get squeamish at about the 75% complete mark when he would plop down a big blob of paint on the canvas.  No….!!  This will never work.  Moments letter, the ‘blob’ becomes a beautiful tree or something providing depth to the entire scene.

I had never watched Bob Ross in time-lapse before tonight, but that was very interesting.

You saw the potential ‘issues’, but they vanished in seconds as the master painter directed the creation.

Then more quickly than humanly possible, you saw the transformation of a bit of paint on canvas turn into a masterpiece.

I can’t say I understand the painting we’re a part of.

But…I do think I’m gaining some perspective that we’re actually in one and a Master Painter must be continuing the work.

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Emily in prime time.

If you haven’t picked up on it, I’m trying to use the word prime or prime rib in every Holiday post this year…

So….you may have seen the video of the prime rib from Christmas Eve and my little niece Emily munching away.

She taught me a few more things.  Just before we sat down you can hear her saying, ‘I want to see, I want to see’, as her Mom was filming on the iPad with the big visible screen.  You can see as the height of the camera drops, revealing a different perspective…a different viewpoint.

Emily’s Mom Selena, told me a very cool story about just that; perspective and the ‘view’ of a child.

The name Chris (not our Chris) had come up in a conversation and Emily had piped up quite matter-of-factly stating, ‘My Chris is in heaven’.

Yes he is Emily…yes he is.

And then she went on playing.

I love the eyes of a child both literally and how they ‘see’ what many of us miss.

It’s a different perspective on many levels.

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Prime Time for Prime Rib

Tonight we had prime rib.

It was Chris’ favourite.

Prime rib at the Keg was a right of passage.  We always loved it.

Tonight for the Medema Christmas I smoked a prime rib.

It cooked for 7 hours and every time I went outside to check on it I thought of Chris.

As the prime rib readied itself for the first slice I thought of Chris.

He would have absolutely loved this meal and I thought of him the whole night.

I know he was right here with us, but I’m guessing the Prime Rib is even just a little better at the Keg in the Clouds…although he really would have liked this tonight!

Here’s a little vid of the action.  For all you techies, shot totally on the iPad2 with iMovie.

Have a great Christmas everyone.

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Stockings and mantels

Last year we put out four stockings.

This is not 'the' stocking...just 'a' stocking.

We just had to have one for Chris too.

This year we put out five.

No, we are not adopting a child or adding a pet…that I’m aware of.

We (meaning my Better Half) put out the four stockings at home but this is the first Christmas we have a memorial location for Chris at The Wall or Chris’ Wall as we call it, nestled below the massive cedars that protect the group of memorial walls.

There’s a little stocking on our tree that we’ve had for years.  It’s a decoration.  Chris would have surely helped with putting this on the tree with his Mom as he and Max did each year.

That little stocking now adorns Chris’ marker at his Wall.

That might sound sad and it is sad but not ‘just sad’ as we know Chris is always with us.  It is amazing to see a place like the cemetery so colourful on these grey late fall days.  People are remembering their loved ones with flowers, Christmas ornaments and angel figurines.

And on one special marker (yes, read mantel), there’s a little red cloth stocking.

We luv ya kid, every minute of every day.

That’s what your stocking is full of on Christmas and every day of the year.

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Easter Sunday, and so it begins…v2

I wrote a post with that same title, ‘Easter Sunday, and so it begins’ on Easter Sunday 2010.

Although over a year has passed and we’ve marked a year from Chris passing date and service date, today marks a very important milestone as well.

Since beginning this blog last Easter Sunday, individual blog posts have been read over 127,000 times.

I get that most people still to this day don’t really know what to say or how to say it.  But as therapeutic as writing these posts day after day and week after week has been, it’s been amazing to know that a silent army stands alongside.

I love that.

I read with interest an essay in the Vancouver Sun over morning coffee yesterday.

It was titled, ‘The Biology of hope bolsters Easter’s central message’.  I’ve linked here if you have time to peruse.

I love this little excerpt:

These definitions make clear hope should not be confused with blind optimism.

When we are suffering or fearful, our hopes may often be dim, but they must include reasonable expectation.

Hope is distinguished from mere wishing. We can wish for financial wealth, or a cure for our loved one’s cancer, a dictator to be vanquished or a sudden end to global warming. But sometimes wishes are not realistic.

“Wishing are words and left brain,” Vaillant writes.

“In contrast, hope is made up of images and is rooted in the right brain. Wishing on a star takes no effort. Hope often requires enormous effort and shapes real lives.”

The transcendent quality of hope points to why researchers are coming to realize it is not only an emotion. It is a virtue.

As such, it must be cultivated, especially when times are toughest.

When I wrote the post, ‘Hope is an action word’, Chris’ amazing friend (who’s name is Hope) wrote a fantastic comment.  It simply said, ‘I am Hope’.

Yes you are.  Hope…you are Hope!

If you don’t mind, we are trying to be a little Hope-like ourselves!

The thing that really struck me about this article in the Sun was that in order for Hope to be Hope and not just a wish or dream, is that it required ACTION.

HOPE, DECISIONS, ACTION.

As I said on Friday, it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.

Of course Sunday is here for Easter 2011, but we wait and live with HOPE for our next ‘Sunday’ with Chris whenever that will be.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/life/Biology+hope+bolsters+Easter+central+message/4663871/story.html#ixzz1KRrA9apN

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Where to start.

Yah, that’s right.

I said where to start.  It’s been a second but it’s been a year all at the same time.

I thought I might end this blog today, but I think I have about 365 blog posts after yesterday and today alone, so we’ll just get to them one by one!

Laying Chris’ ashes to rest inside the heavy granite chamber of the cemetery niche wall had a sense of finality to it, but also an amazing sense of peace.  It was simply the right thing to do.  Not only will we have a place to go and stand in the middle of these huge trees, but so will others.

This is truly a place that anyone of you can go and think and talk to Chris or remember.  We just love seeing Chris’ friends.  They are changing so much.  Getting so mature as they move towards their graduation milestones.  But more on that later.

The emotion sort of flowed a little for me at that moment of release.  I realized that I had personally watched over my son from the hospital to the funeral home, the service at the church, and then back to the funeral home and then every day for the last year.

On March 25, 2011 it was time to let go a little.

Not let go of Chris.  He is more part of me than ever before.

Simply, it was time to let go and let others also have a more physical connection to his memory.

Something that will live forever.

The bronze name plate is on its way, so you’ll see a simple laminated paper scan of the work for the next few weeks.

You are welcome anytime….between 9 and dusk that is!

Dogwood 41.

AC was there and sang Love Shines in the middle of those amazing trees.  It was awesome.  Not only that, she had set her sights on completing her new CD on March 25 and wouldn’t you know it, she picked up 2,000 copies that morning.  We’ve played it all weekend.  Love it Cath.

I want to invite you all to her gala concert at the wonderfully acoustic Matsqui Auditorium in Clearbrook on Sat, April 16.  (Yes, that is on the VALLEY side of the Port Mann Bridge for my Vancouver readers…(just a little running joke with some of you!))

I’m pretty proud of that girl.  You can read a great newspaper story on her music here.

Here’s a few pics from the cemetery so you get a sense.

At 2:32:41 we released some balloons and looked up and said hi to Chris.

I know many of you did too.

Love it.

As we watch balloons go up, you see the walls in the background guarded by the trees.

Balloons released. Nice shot Max!

Temporary marker...you get a sense of how it will look.

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An intro to two.

I’m going to intro you to a couple of people that I don’t know.

But..with the world of social media, the web CAN be an amazing place to connect on the journey of the new normal.

The first is Steve Ewen.

I’ve never met him.

He’s a reporter with the Vancouver Province and he’s battling cancer.  It’s a tough battle.  He’s called his blog, ‘I’m sad and mad about getting cancer’.  Actually no…he hasn’t.  His blog is called, Crush the Tumour with Humour.

It’s some amazing stories of someone going through a very tough fight but remaining positive and using humour to negotiate the new normal he and his wife find themselves living.  If I can figure it out, I’ll add it to my ‘links’ section, but here’s a quick direct link if you want to check it out.  Here’s an excerpt from today:

The bad news is that the new stitches in my back has led to our surgeon, Dr. Robert Lee, limiting my arm movements for the next two weeks. The really bad news, at least for the people at G.F. Strong and the general public around King Ed and Laurel in Vancouver, is that they’ve given me a power wheelchair.
Oh. Mercy. Think of the havoc I can cause with a motor and wheels?

Keep rockin it Steve!

The second link is from Gillian Berg, the Mission mom who lost her husband and father of their four children at Christmas.  Her writing is deep, spiritual and an amazing work of strength and vulnerability rolled into one.  An excerpt from her latest:

Last night, as my daughter asked for help, begged for prayers that would take her fear away, the fear that something else might happen, the fear that she is still in danger, I realized again that like the work needed to heal the physical wounds, there was going to be gruelling work needed to heal the emotional ones.

We, each one of us, will have to choose to stand slowly, painfully upon the limbs of our broken dreams; to endure the attacks of relentless discouragement of working towards something new; to fight for something better, something healthier.

To Steve and Gillian I would say, we all haven’t chosen our situations.  It happened.  Life happens. There is no big answer to the ‘why’ question….at least not one that may be evident in this lifetime.  We”ll simply stand with you on your journey of the new normal as so many have and are standing with us.  This is a link to the first time the term ‘the new normal’ entered our lexicon.  It’s been a fixture ever since.