I wrote about circles the other day.
Interestingly enough I’ve been thinking about holes too.
I didn’t think they were connected. But now I know they are. I’ll aim to explain.
One of the most painful things you must do when you lose a child is go on the ‘cancellation tour’.
This includes driver’s licences, passports, etc. It’s something you don’t think about and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Have you ever kept your old passport? That’s allowed and the passport office will cut the corners of your passport so that it is visibly defective and relegated as non conforming.
With Chris’ passport they punched 2 holes into it and gave it back to me. The staff member was very kind, but here I was in the office trying to keep my composure as these holes were pounded through his passport. You may have just pounded those through my chest.
I left the building and joined Ingrid in the car where I had refused her strong willingness to come with me. I simply did not want her to have to deal with that.
For months and months I’ve looked at those holes. I’ve felt the pain of loss. It is as evident today as a year ago.
But… what about circles? That’s where this gets interesting.
In thinking and writing about circles I realized that the holes in Chris’ passport are perfect circles.
The pain that those holes represent could only exist because of the circle of love we have for each other and how that long will NEVER EVER END.
In other words, deep loss is purely symptom of strong love. Without the deepness of connection there would be no feeling of loss.
That makes looking at those holes feel better, makes us stronger…and turns the holes into feelings of wholeness.
A whole lot of holes. From empty space to the realization of the circle that fills those holes in a figurative sense is infinite.
And yes, this will make even more sense when you read the circles blog.
Have Be The Best weekend!