Tag: Chris Friesen

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Be The Best.

God is dead?

Get ready. This one’s heavy!

Where is God in tragedy? Now there is a question never asked before…(cough). Regardless of your belief system, when you lose a child, I guarantee that you will question everything you believe. Here’s a few thoughts from our journey. Was it ‘God’s will’ that Chris died? Some sort of master plan…everything happens for a reason you know. Really?? Don’t get me going on that one. You know where my mind went? Was it God’s will that 6 million Jews perished in the Holocaust?

Don’t think so.

I don’t really know why, but I then thought about the difference between humans and animals.  Generally speaking, animals will operate more by instinct and humans have a unique ability to make choices that go beyond instinctual needs.  Ever seen the Dog Whisperer show with Cesar Millan?  That guy is amazing as he teaches people how to work with their ‘out-of-control’ dogs. You’ll hear a constant theme..don’t treat your dog with human emotions…they are dogs.  Watch the show a couple of times and you’ll see some great illustrations of how we as humans are different from dogs (I realize this may sound silly, but most of Cesar’s ‘interventions’ stem from people applying human logic and decision making with their pets).

So if you would allow me, I’ll suggest the following.  I believe our ability to make choices…some would call this ‘free will’, is so sacred, it’s part of our spiritual DNA….and this is hard to type…even when those choices end up with dire and unintended outcomes. I believe this ability to choose is protected to the point that surpasses human understanding.

Now here’s the wild part.  You know what has been the most EMPOWERING, HEALING, and SPIRITUAL part of our journey without Chris so far?  It has been our ability to CHOOSE.  It has been our ability to make DECISIONS.  It has been our ability to celebrate the one million good choices Chris made.  It’s been our CHOICES that have kept us going. In that ability to CHOOSE we have found strength and a greater understanding of our very human and spiritual DNA.

Is God dead? Your choice, but I think not…I think God lives in every decision we are empowered to make.

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Be The Best.

San Diego: an epic short film

After the complete shut-out at Cannes, Sundance and an unfortunate snub by the Oscars for the epic short ‘Walking in Langley’ subtitled something about birds or something, I remain undeterred.  For your viewing pleasure I present, ‘San Diego: an epic short film’.

You can see the ‘new normal’ in action.  It’s a weird thing…that little walking segment that you’ll see was probably the most emotional part of the trip.  Just going for that morning walk with Ingrid got us talking, remembering and thinking about future experiences never to be experienced.  You combine that with synchronized coffee drinking (this was not planned and you’ll see it when you view) and you have this interesting recipe of tears, sadness, love, joy, pride, sorrow, jokes and laughter that forms our current reality.

I’m sure the Oscar people will get it this time round….  😉

PS In a future post I will tell you why I like to work with the Hilton brand whenever I can.  Thanks to the management of the San Diego Hilton who understood why we were there and did a great job in respecting what we needed.

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Be The Best.

Mother’s Day

September 2005, Max, Ingrid, Randy and Chris

I want to introduce you to an amazing mother.  Dealing with our two characters was 2 parts challenge and 100 parts love.  Ingrid taught our boys how to think for themselves.  She taught them to be independent.  She taught them how to respectfully make their voice heard while insisting on listening to others.  One of Chris’ friends, Clayton, used to say to Chris…”That Ingrid…amazing woman”.  Sort of funny from a 14 year old, but he had it right.  Amazing woman indeed.

A HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all Moms out there including my own, Leona, and my Mom-in-law, Grace!

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Be The Best.

Is it ok to laugh?

Laughing was a big part of the relationship we had as a family.

Everyone had their roles.  Max, some witty banter playing off a bad pun from me.  Chris, some physical humor or just being Chris and Ingrid being funny without trying to be..which was the funny part! (yah, I know you had to be there most of the time to get this…)

In any event, what I’ve been learning in the past 6 weeks is how close laughter is to tears.  How close love is to anguish.  These apparent opposites are more like close cousins.  The yo-yo and elevator metaphors have never been more real.  Tears are usually just moments or seconds away from laughter.  The emotion continues to be strong.

But is it ok to laugh?  Yes. Yes. Yes.  I can’t imagine what this time would be like without the fragrant punctuation of laughter in the middle of the rain of sadness.  That is truly what it feels like.  The sadness and sorrow is like a fog or a misty Vancouver rain that gets right into your bones.  The laughter is like the perfect cup of coffee on those rainy days.  Yes, it’s ok to laugh…in fact it’s just what the doctor ordered.

In that vein, my amazing crazy group in BCIT’s Marketing department put together a little video this week in our spare time.  Part One you’ve seen before, but I’ll put it here again, and the new video, ‘don’t wear the wrong jersey on gameday part 2’ is below.  We had lots of laughs putting these together…I hope you do when watching.  And finally today….Canucks…please get your act together.  Sorry…just had to say that.

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Be The Best.

Poem week continues…

An 11 year old Chris enjoys a banana split...before his famous 'no junk food ever' years!

Maybe it’s just poem week, but my Dad shared this one with me and it really resonates.  Not parted…only just apart.  No more to say than that.

“Not gone…but only gone before
To where love lives on evermore.

Not lost…but only lost from sight.
As one who walks ahead at night.

Not parted…only just apart.
In memory kept close to heart.

Not of the past…but now to be
A part of all eternity.”

(Constance Parker Graham)

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Be The Best.

FAQ re CFMA

Ya, for the non-texting among us..that would be code for Frequently Asked Questions regarding the Christian Friesen Memorial Award.

Q: Are you funneling the money into an account in the Cayman Islands?

A: No.  All funds collected are given to Simon Fraser University.  SFU administers the fund and issues tax receipts for all donations.

Q: I’ve heard about this $20,000 target.  That is strangely similar to the price of Canucks season tickets.

A: Good point.  The $20,000 is the level at which the Christian Friesen Memorial Award will live forever.  The interest is paid out each year, leaving the principle intact and ready to earn more interest for the following year.

Q: So how much is the yearly award going to be and who gets it?

A: Your questioning has a very aggressive tone.

Q: YAH….I COULD GET MORE AGRESSIVE

Editor’s note:  you having enough of this approach? I’m sorta done with it 😉

A: The yearly award will vary depending on interest rates, but will be in the $1,000 per year range and increase as the fund grows over time.  The funds will be given out yearly at the Maple Leaf Award dinner that the SFU and Burnaby Mountain Select lacrosse organizations organize.  The Christian Friesen Memorial Award will be given to a lacrosse playing student who exhibits leadership skills and the ability to contribute to his community.

Q: When will the first award be given out?

A: Even though the interest on the fund will not have a full year to mature, Ingrid and I are determined to give out the first award in January 2011 at the next banquet…just 8 months from now.  We will do this by making an additional one-time donation personally.

Q: Do you and Ingrid contribute to the fund as well?

A: Yes and so does Max.  Our donations to the fund will continue for the rest of our lives.  We want to continue to see the fund build over time through personal donations and we want to challenge lacrosse playing students for decades to come to Be The Best.

Q: Where is the fund at?

A: We are nicely half way there…over $10,000 has been donated to date for which we are humbly grateful!  This includes direct donations, cash and cheque donations and monies received from wrist band sales etc.  Every penny has been amazing.  In addition to these monies, every thought, email, Facebook post, prayer, food donation at the service, food for us etc etc is all a part of this in our opinion.  The support has been amazing.

Q: How do we participate?

A: On-line is safe and direct.  NOTE: When designating, choose Fund of your choice (top of list) from drop down menu and then specify: Christian Friesen Memorial Award  Direct Link to on-line

Link to printable PDF

Secret:  There is a human at the other end of the SFU forms, so as long as you put Christian Friesen somewhere on the form, they will process it correctly.  The staff at SFU University Advancement office have been fantastic.  (thanks Wanda!)

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Be The Best.

Crying over spilt (or spilled) milk…and trucker hats.

For the first time that we can remember, we had to pour milk down the drain.  Simple problem. The 4 litre container had gone past date.  Not a big deal…except for the memories surging back of the same-size milk container not even lasting 3 days.  Today at Safeway we bought a 2 litre container of milk…it didn’t spill, but it might as well have.  It’s the little things that get you.  Ingrid reminded me that a 2 litre of milk is part of the ‘new normal’. She’s right, but tonight I would love nothing more than to buy 8 litres of milk and 40 yogurt containers for my boys.

Yesterday I gave my Dad a trucker hat.  You know the ones….anyone over 60 wears those hats with the mesh backing and sort of has them sit on top of their head?

Grandpa and Chris, Dec 31, 2009

Chris (and his many buddies) thought this was the coolest trend in their teens and trucker hats were catching on everywhere.  When Ingrid and I were in Hawaii last year we made sure we brought a hip trucker hat home for Chris.  He had his Grandpa model it when we met them at Silver Star at New Years.  Dad had grown a beard for a Christmas production at their church and Chris thought the beard was the coolest thing he ever saw.  He propped the trucker hat on his Grandpa’s head and I snapped some pics.

Wear that hat proudly Dad…I know you will.

I’m going to make Max some chocolate milk.

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Be The Best.

Look close, ‘giving’ is a part of ‘grieving’.

Chris' Grandma and Grandpa above Okanagan Lake

Vernon is a picturesque 70 minute drive from Kamloops.  Ingrid and I blitzed up there on Saturday to have lunch with my sister, AC (Cathy AJ Hardy) who had some weekend concerts in the Okanagan and also my parents who live in Vernon.  In honour of Mother’s Day (yes, I know it’s next week!), we took Mom out to the restaurant at Gray Monk Winery just south of Vernon.  Editorial: Great food, service and wine. Go.

Do these people look like they’re in their upper 70’s or late 50’s? It’s hard to tell!

Chris and Max loved going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  When they moved to Vernon, the adventures would usually be week long summer jaunts that included hiking, biking, swimming and the now famous, ‘midnight snack’!  Another highlight was word games which Mom and Dad still play daily.  Scrabble and Boggle were constants or should I say consonants.

I’m not sure why, but I was thinking about the noun GRIEF and the VERB GRIEVE this week.  Grieve is an ‘action word’ if we remember our high school English teachers.  Then I saw something very interesting.  The word GIVE lives inside the word GRIEVE.  We have been blown away by people giving to us during this time.  I write this post from the Boomer family home in Kamloops where they’ve been so incredibly wonderful to us.  (when Langley plays Kamloops today at 1130 in the semi’s we are really going to be in a pickle!!)  From the lacrosse families to my brother-in-law in Vernon (Steve Wulff) who made me speechless yesterday when re presented Ingrid and I with a pencil drawing of Chris…the GIVING has been incredible.

Let me also tell you that our ability to GIVE has been helping us.  A simple act like taking family for lunch or providing support to others has been incredibly helpful for us as well as we continue to find the ‘new normal’.

Is GIVING part of GRIEVING?  Yes…it’s there in black and white.

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Be The Best.

Kamloops and the ‘new normal’.

We went to a lacrosse tournament without Chris this weekend.  We couldn’t stay away.  The Alan Price Memorial Tournament is held each year in early May and Chris and the Langley Thunder have been a part of the event for at least 4 years as memory serves. The people in Kamloops are just fantastic.  (thank you Boomers for opening your home to us!!)

Chris takes on Larson Hill en route to Loops 2009.

This tournament was always a favourite. In fact last year at this same tournie, it was a father/son trip with Chris at the wheel just weeks after getting his ‘L’. What was I thinking? I figured out what those handles are for that passengers can hold onto.  I snapped a quick pic with my blackberry for this white knuckle, hands position 10 and 2, full concentration shot you see here. All in all he did a great job and it was a great experience.  You can see some 2009 action below (Chris is #2) including Riley, the Langley goalie swallowing a tough Kamloops player after a mega hit.  To make things more interesting I met the brother and mom of that Kamloops player (Justice) last night.  I think his younger brother was quite impressed that he had a brother starring on Youtube!

Rhys and James again make me look small!

Check it out.  More on the Loops and the amazing people up here in Sunday’s post.

It is good to be here.  It is good to be with amazing people who have stood with us. It is good to see those Langley players wearing that patch (amazing). It is great to talk to so many and continue to feel the support.

As hard as this is, it’s good too.  Very good.  This is all part of the ‘new normal’.

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Be The Best.

When a poem hits hoem..that pun was for Chris..he ‘hated’ them ;)

Chris always loved to hate my puns and we’d share a laugh…ok Max and I usually laughed, he usually groaned and Ingrid asked, ‘Are you mocking me?’. (see Zipline vid for context!)

The poem you see below really did hit home.

It was on a card sent from the Langley Minor Lacrosse Association.

It stopped us in our tracks.  Very cool.  Nuff said.

His Journey’s Just Begun

Don’t think of him as gone away – his journey’s just begun,

life holds so many facets – this earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears

in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days and years

Think how he must be wishing that we could know today

how nothing but our sadness can really pass away.

And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched…

for nothing loved is ever lost – and he was loved so much.

E. Brenneman

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We LOVE you Chris Friesen!!