Tag: New Normal

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Be The Best.

The Deception of the New Normal

Ingrid and I were at Deception Pass today spending time with the Ethanator, his sister Emily and their wonderful parents Selena and Frank  (Ingrid’s brother).

Sunset at Deception (with lousy bberry camera!)

I know I’ve said this about other places, but the 2-hour drive south of Vancouver on the 1-5 and then west towards Anacortes and then to Whidbey Island and Deception Pass is worth every minute.  If you get a chance go.  Better yet, make yourself a chance…and then go!

The State Park there is incredible and many Canadians and Americans spend some great time camping or simply enjoying the fresh water lake and the ocean on the other side of the sand spit.

We’ve spent a bunch of time down there over the years most notably with Max and Chris.

I’ve loaded a picture up of Chris getting repairs after slipping off a log during a fort building exercise on the beach when he was a young buck.  Nurse Ingrid is administering the first aid.

Today we were in that exact spot.  Sitting on that exact beach.  Kids had built a fort with the exact bunch of logs that have been there for years if not decades.  Ethan showed me the fort and we built a sand castle together and then just watched the waves and tide do their thing all afternoon eventually washing our sand castle into the ocean leaving us with great memories and the possibility of building new sand castles tomorrow when the tide goes out again.

A young Chris gets repairs at Deception Pass. He was convinced band-aids made things better, so Nurse Ingrid was liberal in her 'treatment' including the green dot on his head!

It was old normal meets new normal.  The ‘deception’ is (besides the tie to Deception Pass and my ongoing need to fuel my insatiable pun appetite) is that the New Normal may look easy.  It might look easy but of course it isn’t.

While we were on the beach I received a message via Blackberry about a comment on the Blog.  Please read it in the comment section below.  It’s from someone I don’t know, but Karen has been sharing this journey and been on her own  journey for 10 years since her husband passed away.  As both Karen and ourselves have experienced, the new normal isn’t easy and sometimes I don’t like it much as I’ve indicated several times in this blog!

That being said, I’m more convinced than ever that the new normal is what I want to continue to strive for, knowing that it may look deceptively simple at times but isn’t, and will continue to be a series of decisions on a daily basis for 10 years and more!

We’re standing with you too Karen.  God Bless.

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Be The Best.

Comfort Zones

  1. I saw a news report today how our air conditioning (comfort zone) is destroying our social interaction with neighbours and not doing much for our environment.  Hmmm.
  2. I had a friend show up tonight to say hello.  Way out of his comfort zone but he did it anyway.  Hmmm.
  3. Remember I told you I was going to do something to try to live the Be The Best this year?  This weekend I stepped out of the comfort zone and launched the Management Buzz blog.  It’s a blog about management issues, but not just for senior leadership.  It’s out of the comfort zone because a) it could fail, b) do I really have time to write another blog? c) it could fail.
Sir Richard Branson

Then I read a quote tonight from Sir Richard Branson.  He stated, “One of the reasons Virgin’s enterprises have been successful over the years is that we empower the staff to make mistakes— and then learn from them.”

Love it.  Now that is Be The Best!

If you want to take a peek, you can check out 3 Mistakes Managers Make.  Really?

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Be The Best.

For men only…(yah right)

I know the methodology of many guys who ‘read’ this blog.

Their Significant Other reads it and passes the information on to them.

Many guys don’t read much.  I get that.

Guys do stuff. I get that.

Guys grieve differently. The ‘professional grieving industry’ (sarcasm) doesn’t really get that.

I found a very interesting author/speaker on-line talking about the differences between men and women and how that relates to grieving.   I haven’t read his book (case in point from above…I like to own books and read parts of them…), but I watched his 20 minute mini presentation on men and grief and was very impressed.

With my management instructor hat on, I’ve spoken many times to my students about the differences between cultures  and communication AND the differences between men and women and communication.

One excellent point that Tom Golden makes is that women tend to communicate face to face…ie they literally like to look at each other when talking.  If you hadn’t noticed, when a man talks to another man, they don’t tend to do this.  Face to face for a man is all about confrontation and challenge.  What men like to do is go shoulder to shoulder and fight something together.  Think sports (lacrosse (of course), hockey, football, soccer, whatever) which replicates ancient traditions of battle.

Anyhooo, when it comes to grieving men still want to DO stuff.  I’ve mentioned this to many people but not here in this blog.  If Chris and I used to work on cars together, I would probably be finishing a car right now.  If we hunted together I’d probably arrange a hunting trip with ‘da boys’.  For me to honour Chris, the SFU Chris Friesen Memorial Fund was a huge goal and it was as much a part of the male grieving process as going to lacrosse games and writing blog posts.

Shoulder to shoulder combat.

For the men reading, take a look at this video on the attached link.

For the women reading for their men, take a look at this video on the attached link…and then drag your husbands/boyfriends/friends/sons over to take a look…or just watch it for them and let them what it was about.  🙂

It’s some interesting food for thought.

Guys:  Sorry this blog post was so long.  367 words is way too much.  Go do something.

Link to Tom Golden video (vid at bottom of page):

NOTE:  I’m not endorsing etc. Just another viewpoint along our journey!

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Be The Best.

I’ll have a mudslide please.

I’ll have a mudslide please.

This request really makes no sense except if you were in a bar and ordering a drink.

A mudslide is made with irish cream, and a few other adult beverage components.

Outside of the beverage department, you would never order a real mudslide.

Take a look at this photo.  I wouldn’t even show this to you, except that this story has already been widely publicized and shown dozens of times on TV.

Mudslide carnage near Oliver, British Columbia (July 2010)

Take a look at where the mud levels got up to.  Thankfully no one died in this slide.  Many times that is not the case.

Some slides have very defined causes, some do not and some remain undetermined.

One thing is for certain.  To the people whose homes and property and lives were altered, they were not expecting a mudslide that day.

The simple point is, we don’t know what is going to happen.

We can’t live like a mudslide is eminent every minute of the day, but when a mudslide happens it is the response that is generally measured.

The response by everyone around us from the inner circle to the acquaintances to those that don’t even know us has been and is spectacular.

Thanks for your caring.

You are helping us rebuild to the New Normal.

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Be The Best.

Chasing the Sun

Here’s those sun pics again.  Sometimes music says things I cannot say…simply because I do not always have the words.

Chasing the sun.

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Be The Best.

Young Tom, Old Tom and ‘tom’orrow.

During the recent 2010 British Open Golf Championship at historic St. Andrews, a story was told of Old Tom Morris and Young Tom Morris.

Old Tom Morris

Both were multiple time winners of the Championship and both have amazing stories.

At the height of the golfing season it seems theirs is a fitting story tonight.

Old Tom designed or had a hand in designing 75 courses and is a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame.  He won the Championship in 1861, 62, 64 and 67.

Old Tom had a son who was equally as prestigious.  Young Tom Morris won the Championship in 1868, 69, 70 and 72 and was destined for greatness.

Why am I telling you this story?

You see Young Tom had a wife and child who very tragically both died during childbirth complications.  Young Tom, aged 24,  died just a few months later in 1875 from an unknown cause, but most people blamed it on a broken heart.  Old Tom continued forward until his passing in 1908 some 33 years later.

The TV broadcast of the Championship included a re-enactment of Old Tom visiting his son’s grave and sharing some words with Young Tom who had died so young and at the very beginning steps of his adult journey.

Paraphrased, he stated, “Son, they say that you died of a broken heart.  Only I know that is impossible.”

He was inferring that his own heart was broken.  His son simply could not have died from a broken heart otherwise he would have suffered the same fate.

Old Tom, I sorta know how you feel.  With broken hearts we carry on.

That is how Old Tom honoured his son, and that’s how I will honour mine…and I know so many of you feel the same.

I LOVE this quote from Old Tom Morris.

“For true success, it matters what our goals are. And it matters how we go about attaining them. The means are as important as the ends. How we get there is as important as where we go.”

I think if he was living today, Old Tom just might add…Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

The 7:45am ‘Brunch’.

Gluten free waffles (of course), Grandma's peaches and yogurt.

Brunch is served…at 7:45am.

Yes, I know to qualify as ‘brunch’ the meal must be served after 10am.  How do I know this?  Cause I lernt it on the interweb…!  Yes, according to the always accurate Wikipedia site, a meal consumed before 10am cannot be considered brunch.

Wow.  This throws my whole family history into a jeopardy.  It could be because of the Mennonite heritage of milking the cows (I’ve never milked a cow but I’ve gathered a lot of eggs and caught a lot of chickens in my day…) and doing chores before breakfast or simply that I tend to be a ‘morning person’, ‘brunch’ has been consumed many many times before 10am in this household.  As the Chief Brunch Maker in this family and for all those who believe brunch can be eaten before 10am, I may add an addendum to that Wikipedia site…

Yes, these are real pictures of today's 'brunch'.

In any event, Sunday breakfast/brunch was a big deal in our house.  We not only had a big breakfast that got bigger as Max and Chris got older, but it was a family moment as well.   We usually had our weekly ‘family meeting’ post brunch and then as they got older and schedules more difficult, the family meeting happened after Sunday dinner.  It was a few moments in the week to discuss schedules, coordinate plans and discuss things.

Ingrid, Max and I have been talking weekly and coordinating our lives in the past few months, but I haven’t made a real solid Sunday brunch since March 25.  But I did today.  The reason it was so early (aside from personality/culture ‘issues’ as indicated above) was that Max had to head to the pool for Life-guarding duty.  Ingrid, sensibly enough, is still sleeping.

I’ll cook her a more traditional brunch served between 10am and 1pm.

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Technorati code: VMYVTKGYDZYV

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Be The Best.

Reflections

2010-07-25

2010-03-25

Just numbers? No. You know what they mean.  Four months.  We don’t mean to think about it or overthink it, but still it exists.

I’m not sure of all that we’ll do at 5 months or 6 or at 1 year.

But on these days and EVERY day I know of one thing we will always do.

Remember Chris for the amazing kid he was and find ways to honour his memory.

As you look at reflections in a lake, sometimes they are a perfect mirror image of the surrounding reality.  Sometimes, the wind comes up and the reflections are obscured and distorted…even though the real objects creating the reflections still exist.  But when the water is smooth and the winds have calmed, you can see a true reflection.

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Be The Best.

Don’t eat ice…and other advice.

We were with good friends recently and I was chomping on some ice after a refreshing adult beverage.

“Don’t eat ice”, Ingrid stated, as that had been one of my mantras with Chris.  She was right.

Chris used to eat ice by the bucket.  He had a habit of eating ice during dinner and it drove me nuts!

“Don’t eat ice”, I would say, “it’s a bad habit”.

He would then turn to just letting the ice sit inside his mouth until he thought we’re not listening and then CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP.

If Chris was still with us, I would still have the ‘no ice chewing’ policy in place.

However, as I was QUIETLY (or not) chewing my own ice tonight, I thought about how much I missed that annoying sound!

Let’s lift a glass to memories….on the rocks.

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Be The Best.

Rest…and Be The Best.

Maybe it was inevitable, but I missed posting a blog last night.

My original goal was a few times per week, which changed to daily after Easter Sunday and hadn’t stopped since.

My secondary goal, was daily through to the end of June (end of the school year) and three months into the ‘new normal’.

When I made it to the end of June I thought I might as well keep going and the daily blogs continued…until last night.

As Ingrid and I head into some summer vacation time, I also need to realize that REST is a part of Be The Best.  You remember that blog post about Power of Focus? That story about a very successful businessman and philanthropist spending a day a week sitting in a room and just thinking, has always blown me away and caused me to think.

Throughout the summer, I may not post quite as frequently as we look to re-charge our batteries.  That being said, I’ve just learned of some innovative ways of posting via the phone which I may just try!!  Stay tuned.

The summer so far has been very bitter sweet.  Seeing all those lacrosse players on the weekend wearing Chris’ patch and the decal on their helmets was awe inspiring, humbling and just plain awesome.  Thinking about the incredible summers we’ve had as a family and realizing we’re not going to have another one quite the same is simply gut wrenching…there is no easy way around that fact.

That being said, the summer provides hope and opportunity for us to continue to find our new normal.  The understanding that REST is a part of Be The Best is a lesson that’s not really easy for me, but I’m going to try to learn it.

Have a great week.