Month: June 2010

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Be The Best.

U is for underwear

I knew a month ago I would be writing this post.

I knew what I was going to write about.

I knew what I was going to show you.

I love being a father.  I was 25 when Max came along, perhaps young by today’s averages but I was ready.  Chris joined the family 19 months later.  It was Ingrid, Randy, Max and Chris for 17 glorious  years.  I loved every Father’s Day, but especially loved the handmade cards, breakfasts and little gifts.  Of course that changes as your kids grow, but there is one gift that has stayed in my bedside table drawer all these years.  An alphabet book from Chris (age 6ish), called Dad’s Alphabet Book.  Each letter included a priceless connection between father and son and we shared many laughs over the years at the pictures and the captions.  (You see a few of the pages below)  We would always come back to the letter ‘u’.

U – underwear is what you sleep in.

I don’t know why that was so funny…but it was and it is still is.

Chris knew how much this little book had meant and he had actually began a draft of a new alphabet book at my urging.  Yah, I know, with him being 17, I could only guess the ‘Family Guy’ type humour that would be utilized, but I guess I’m going to have to wait to see that finished product.

Now I must say that Max was exceptionally thoughtful and surprised me earlier this week with tickets for the 2 of us to see the BC Lions play on Sunday at the old Empire Stadium site which will be great.  Thanks MAX!! I’m looking forward to it!

Tonight though, on the eve of  Father’s Day, I wanted to share with you this alphabet book to help us all to remember that it is the smallest of things that can mean the most.  This gift did not cost any money, but it was and is PRICELESS.

Chris, I LOVE YOU.

Your Dad forever.

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Be The Best.

Power of Focus

For those of you who have known me for a while, you know I like goals.  That extends from my work, to family to personal etc.

I believe goal setting is the cornerstone of getting things done and moving forward.

However…there is one life lesson that I am still learning.

I read a book years ago called Power of Focus.  I totally recommend this to everyone.  There is a story in that book about a very successful Australian businessman who came from nothing and overcame significant odds to succeed both as a businessman and as a philanthropist.  When asked the secret of his success he said he took a day each week and closed himself off in a room and did nothing but think.

WOW.

At the time I couldn’t think of taking 10 minutes where something wasn’t happening.

I must say that to this day, I’m still not great at stopping.  It seems counterproductive to doing…but it is quite the opposite.  As our weather warms up a little more I take advantage of sitting outside and the discipline is to do it without a book, COMPUTER, music, BLACKBERRY, phone etc.

I don’t know that I’ll ever achieve a day per week, but my new goal is 1 hour per week of sitting, thinking, and engaging in the power of focus.

Have a great day.

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Be The Best.

Is it ok?

Is it ok to still be sad?

Yes.

Is it ok to still ask why?

Yes.

Is it ok to still not understand?

Yes.

It’s ok to be where you’re at.  I’m there too.  As I’ve written a number of times, the main focus is on the future, but there will continue to be times where we wonder why.  Why Chris? Why us? Why now? Why?

I do know this however, the ‘why’ and ‘what if’ games are not great to be played for any long periods.

You know ‘why’?  Some questions don’t have answers.

I am writing this as much for myself as anyone else…and that is this.  The only thing I can control is my next decision.  The only thing we all have any control over is our next decision.

So if the ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ come to visit…you can say hello, but don’t invite them in for dinner…! 😉

See…I got through a post this week without mentioning a sunset…D’oh!!

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Be The Best.

I vow this is the last sunset blog….this week.

7:55pm June 16, 2010

Not sure what the complete fascination is, but I can’t stop taking pictures of sunsets this week.  The curiosity with sunsets doesn’t end at home.   Whenever we’ve been fortunate enough to get to Hawaii, watching the sun set was high on my priority list.

This week, it really has been incredible how you have that contrast of the dark clouds and the brilliant sun on a daily basis.  Maybe one of these weeks we’ll actually have a little sustained summer weather…but I digress..

Last night after writing the blog, I spent a little time catching up on some Facebook messages.  I am truly inspired and strengthened with all of the support.

This is a journey and journeys rarely track in a straight line.  I guess that is some of the comfort in the sunset.  There is a predictability with it.  There are websites that track the exact time each day the sun will do it’s thing.

You know the sun will rise and set…what you don’t know are the colours, cloud formations and the overall picture that will form each night.  Predictability and the unknown.  Maybe that’s the draw.  It’s the predictability and the unknown that are creating the most amazing pictures.  Interesting.

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Be The Best.

What is this…sunset week?

Langley sunset. June 15, 2010.

Really…I wasn’t looking for a sunset theme this week, but that is how it’s working out.

The colours here remind me of the colours of the rainbows we saw at some amazing times just after Chris’ passing.

Rainbows are mentioned as far back as the story of Noah and his ark and the promise of hope after the biblical account of a great flood.

Those rainbows in the days following Chris’ passing helped remind us that we were not being forgotten.  There was one very difficult day that the lacrosse team was doing a tribute for Chris.  It was amazingly wonderful and difficult at the same time.  It was stormy and raining heavily, but the hint of sun was on the horizon.  I thought we might see a rainbow, but didn’t.  We got to the arena parking lot and as I backed into the parking spot we saw a huge bright rainbow that must have been behind us.  I called my nephew Steve and told him as we had shared some of these stories and in the couple of moments we were on the phone the rainbow faded and was gone.

Like many other things I’ve written about, I realize that it rains a lot in Vancouver and a mix of sun and rain leads to rainbows!  That is a scientific fact.  It was just incredibly cool to see this ancient symbol of hope showing up at unexplained times and places in those first few weeks.

If you think this is interesting, wait for the eagle story in the next few days…!

This new normal thing ain’t easy or all that fun.  That being said, we know the sun will set each night which means just one thing.  The sun will rise again!  (ok, if I get too much more philosophical I think I may go see Dr. Phil…)

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Be The Best.

Gov’t workers and grief.

First a quick follow up to last night.  A couple hours after taking the sun setting shots, I looked out the window and saw this sliver of a moon with it’s lit edge.  This pic doesn’t do justice, but wanted to show you.  I looked again 15 minutes later and it was gone behind the clouds.  Tonight’s late evening sunset was equally spectacular again reminding me of the fact that the sun does exist behind the dark clouds.

Late this afternoon we had a rare hour to run errands during office hours in our town…(we’re usually still at BCIT or commuting during that time).  Things like passports, id, licenses all have to be returned or accounted for.  It’s not that fun.

We hear a lot about government workers, line-ups and grumpy people.  I have to say the people I dealt with today were wonderful.  Empowered front line workers who were empathetic, caring and efficient.  Yes, there were the forms, signatures and questions.  But they were handled in a very professional but caring manner.  I don’t know their names, but I’ll throw out a blanket THANK YOU to every front line employee from any government, school, or agency that goes the quick extra mile to connect with the people they’re dealing with as people and not just a number.

This process is difficult of course because it speaks so deeply to the truth of what is happening.  Chris is gone and won’t be back on this earth.  Of course we know that, but when you are surrendering documents there is a yet another piece placed in the finality puzzle.

Tonight we again tell ourselves that we know the sun is behind the clouds and the sun is certainly shining through.  Just look at the picture. (photo taken approx 6:30pm tonight)

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Be The Best.

Taking it to the Max.

Max, our oldest son, turned 19 today.  What?  How could that happen?  Already?

Yup.

Ethanator looks on as Max gets ready for 19 candles.

We had brunch with great friends, afternoon coffee with family and a ‘new normal’ dinner at the Keg tonight with the three of us.  Max and his gang are now ‘chillin’.

Max has been an unbelievable part of our family team during the past 2.5 months.  He helped me incredibly when we decided to build the official Facebook page for Chris.  He offered wonderful support to people at the funeral and in those intense weeks.  Max…you rock Dude.

As a Lifeguard and Swim Instructor he is helping change lives already.  He’s learning how to empower youngsters to believe in themselves, have confidence and do things they didn’t think they could do.

Max, as you head into your next years of long-term career exploration and studying, know that your Mom and I couldn’t be prouder of you.  Happy Birthday Dude.

And the sunset pic?  Well that was just a little silver lining hello from your Brother.

Sunset, June 13, 2010.

Work hard, be safe, have fun.

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Be The Best.

Golf and Being The Best.

I retired from golf this year and got a bike.

Problem: good friends (Ark, Gourd, and Bwaad – names changed to protect their livelihoods) insisted that a little weekend away to Osoyoos would be a good thing.

That was last weekend…and it was a good thing, except for the golf.

I thought of Be The Best many times as I lined up a triple bogey chip to get on the green.

Take a look at this picture.  This is me on the golf course.  One problem.  Do you see a fairway?  Do you see the green?  Do you even see the golf course?  No.  You see a huge bunch of grapes growing with my ball somewhere embedded in them.  I pity the fool who buys a nice bottle of wine only to pour a golf ball into their glass.

Sometimes Be The Best, may indeed be the understanding that a change of direction is a good decision!

That being said, I wouldn’t have changed the weekend at all.  It was a great one and another way of slowly building to the new normal.  These guys have stood with us throughout our journey and along with all of you form our army of support as we march forward.

Here’s a hint about tomorrow:  A certain kid named Max is turning 19…I was never much of a subtle foreshadower….

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Be The Best.

Borscht and Berries

I usually make a shake for breakfast at least 3-4 times per week.  Chris loved them as well.  He wrote the recipe down last year and called them ‘Randy’s Jacked Shakes’….of course he did!  (recipe: 1-2 frozen bananas, 1 cup strawberries (frozen or fresh), 1-2 cups orange juice, 1 cup yogurt, 1 scoop protein powder (you can get at Costco), all measurements are adjusted to taste and consistency)

Anyways, as I was making the shakes one morning this week I realized what I was making them with.  Remember all that food at the funeral?  Well, through the assistance of amazing friends and family about 3 big bags of strawberries were sliced and frozen.  That’s what we were having for breakfast this week.  I thought again of all the generosity and amazing support.

Tonight I was busy downstairs and Ingrid came down about 6pm and said a relative (name protected!) had dropped off some hot borscht.  If you’ve never had borscht, you better get friendly with some Mennonites  (Toews, Friesen, Harder, Thiessen, Funk, Klassen etc etc) and have a bowl.  It is a vegetable based soup that absolutely hit the spot tonight.  Not only with the food aspect but another humble reminder of how many people have cared and are continuing to care for us.

We get through each day and are looking to the future, but any moment and many moments we have thoughts of our amazing, loving, wonderful son Chris who we will all see again one day.

Until then, we’ll have a shake, eat some borscht and keep helping each other one decision at a time.

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Be The Best.

AC and Friends in Concert – June 26

If  you are ready to hear ‘Love Shines’ in concert with some amazing musicians, mark Saturday, June 26th on your calendar.  Tickets are $15 at the door.  Full details on AC’s website.

What you won’t hear from Cathy unless you pull it out of her is that Gemma (Cathy and Karin Dart) won the award for CLASSICAL/TRADITIONAL SONG OF THE YEAR at the 2009 GMA’s. That is the Gospel Music Association of Canada.  Their music is different.  Their music is cool.  They touch lives.  If you’ve never heard a harp live before, you have to come and hear Karin.  It is really cool.  Yah..that’s right.  Harps are cool.  (you can find people playing Iron Maiden on the harp on youtube…Karin won’t be)

I put together a little video for the CMA’s last October.  If you haven’t seen it, now’s your chance.  That last bit about singing in the shower was a required question from the organizers…don’t blame me… 😉