Author: Randy Friesen

Randy Friesen is a business strategist, manager and educator based in Vancouver, BC. He is also a husband and father. He loves the creative process and is active in creating art and music.

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Be The Best.

Snow way

I told you I was going to throw every pun I could into the 2020 version of the blog and combine with as many Dad jokes as possible.

April 17, 2020. Yup.

Snow in April? Snow way! Yup, it’s true. For those of you on the West Coast – yah, you are laughing as you read this, physical distancing your way around Vancouver’s Seawall. I get it. I used to snicker at the weather in the east as well. I’m paying a heavy price now for all those years of jokes. 😉

In all reality, snow is not that uncommon in April – it just doesn’t feel right. That said, it comes and goes and we know that warmer spring and summer weather will follow. In recent weeks, I’ve had a chance to reflect and discuss Jim Collin’s leadership concept of facing the brutal facts, using Winston Churchill as an epic example. If you have 3 minutes, read this excerpt. If we are overly optimistic and have our hearts set on a date or outcome we have a much higher probability of being highly disappointed or worse. From a leadership perspective this can be a bigger concern. Leadership by personality will generally not be as lasting as leadership by facing the facts with the team. If we force ourselves to face the BRUTAL FACTS, we are more likely to be able to address those issues and then find a way to win today and then again tomorrow. It is a strange combination (duality) of having a longer term positive outcome (ie, we’ll get out of COVID, we’ll be happy again after loss) with the immediacy of dealing with the facts of today, ie, my income is dropping by x and I need to do three things per day to push forward and see how I can address that…or, I will not see my son again in this lifetime – how am I going to live the rest of my life? I know that’s blunt, but that is the kind of thing we must do, in my opinion. (Remember, I ain’t a doctor and I don’t even play one on TV).

So, weather (see what I did there?) you are facing sun, cloud, rain or snow today, I trust you can face any brutal facts in your situation and then prepare an action plan for dealing with those things.

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Be The Best.

SFU, CFMA, NOT COVID

Ok, time for a COVID time-out. This post isn’t about COVID for a change. Nevertheless, stay safe, masked and gloved – ok, that doesn’t sound great. Moving on. (seriously…be safe!) 😉

SFU is Simon Fraser University and CFMA is the Christian Friesen Memorial Award. Read on.

Mason Hicks. Know the name? If you are familiar with lacrosse in British Columbia you might. For the wider circle around the globe, you may get to know Mason in the future. He is one of the recipients of the 2020 Chris Friesen Memorial Award. That means he’s a very hard worker, has a team first attitude and is the kind of guy that will continue to achieve goals and help others around him do the same.

Mr. Mason Hicks

He’s finishing up at Simon Fraser University with a Bachelors of Science as a chemistry major and is completing a forensics certificate as well.

He wrote me and stated, ‘I am very grateful to be awarded this memorial award again. Brent Hoskins  told me that I am the first ever two-time winner of this award while playing with SFU lacrosse which makes it even more special. I have had an amazing four years with SFU and am looking to finish off my final courses over this next year.  I just got drafted to the Senior A Burrards and am very excited to take this next step in my life. I hope to continue playing the game of lacrosse as long as I can and eventually give back to the game because it has done so much for me. Thank you again for all that you do for this program.’

I contacted Mason to see if he was ok for me to write about him a bit and he graciously agreed.

When I see how powerful sport and education is and the beauty of lacrosse in particular with an SFU education, we are delighted to have a small role in helping young men like Mason focus on their studies and take a little financial pressure off for a term as well as providing an opportunity for recognition of hard work and team play.

And of course when I say WE it’s the greater WE as so many of you have added to Chris’ memorial fund directly or through the store which will be active till the end of 2020. THANK YOU. Very cool that the fund will continue to provide financial awards forever and each year we’ll get to celebrate players who positively influence the circle around them and that reach will only grow over time.

Congrats Mason. Read more about Mason’s stats here.

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Be The Best.

Saturday Night is Hockey Night – except for when COVID-19 changes everything…

2011: All things hockey today. A little dusting of snow on a Saturday is the perfect prelude to a Saturday night hockey showdown.

Feb 2020: It was a fantastic night for hockey. Living in Detroit these days, you can see a lot of Red Wings hockey but they are in a rebuild so it’s not great a lot of nights. My heart is still a Canuck so watching the Canucks play in Toronto was a fantastic winter reprieve.

April 2020: When I decided to rev up the blog again after 10 years, I had a few forgotten posts in ‘draft’ mode. This was one. A simple paragraph about hockey from 2011. I wrote another in Feb of this year and that’s as far as it went.

Until now.

A few things if you are dealing with a guy in your life or you’ve experienced a loss of some kind together. Um, I’m not a psychologist (duh, you say!) so these are observations of men by a man. That’s it. Opinions.

  1. Guys don’t like to talk about their feelings that much
  2. Guys are activity based
  3. Guys don’t like to face someone when talking – generally
  4. Guys will only talk to people they trust
  5. Trust is earned on the golf course, hunting trip, fishing, sporting event, beer drinking event…or simply watching a hockey game

Guys don’t have to say much to figure out if their buddies have their back. It’s a camaraderie thing.

Chris was a big Dan Cloutier fan back in the day. I LOVE this picture he drew for me.

After losing Chris, there were evenings that I didn’t want to talk about anything. I just wanted to watch hockey with Max and a friend or two. That’s it. Those same friends are the ones I talked to the most over time.

Sorry Chris Pronger – Cloutier saves another one.

Given the NHL is currently on hiatus because of COVID-19, it’s a weird time. I loved sports for the distraction of the moment but also to build relationships without have to talk too much.

Given it’s now April and the playoffs should be starting, the realization that the Stanley Cup will not happen this year is setting in. Things happen. As much as I’ll miss it, we’ll make decisions and move on. Like watching Tiger King on Netflix. (and you expected something more poignant)

Don’t worry – it’s a guy thing. I’d tell you more, but we’d have to be watching hockey together. Miss ya Chris.

Chris with Team BC at Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto

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Be The Best.

Yesterday in 20/20

You know that famous song right? Yesterday by the Beatles. Yah – those guys. Just to remind you if you aren’t humming it already, here’s the first verse.

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

That could be our anthem in 2020. Given COVID-19, yesterday or yesteryear is looking pretty good right now.

There’s a funny letter circulating on social media currently about 2020 being cancelled and we’d be better off with 2016 which at the time looked horrible, but now looks amazing in retrospect. 20/20 vision is always available when looking at the past. It’s a little harder when you look forward.

Yesterday can always look good and that is a classic song and totally understandable lyric especially as it relates to lost love. It’s been covered over 2,200 times and is still popular in 2020. Want to know more, check out my crack source, Wikipedia.

It’s tougher looking to the future, especially when some yesterdays are looking so good at present.

When Chris passed away I would have given anything to have him back. It’s an anguish I would never wish on my worst enemy. I still feel the same today and especially this week as March 25, 2020 marked 10 years to the day. I truly long for yesterday but strangely am more possessed than ever about the future. It’s based on one fact that regardless of religious or political views we must all believe in. It’s irrefutable. That is, we can’t go back in time as much as that is appealing to think about.

So onward we go, propelled by decisions about how we are going to shape the future, help people as we go and hopefully provide a sense of future and purpose to ourselves and those in our circles.

Me and Mrs. Friesen online w friends for virtual happy hour during COVID. After work hours of course…

Stay safe. Hug (virtually) those around you. Tip: We had so many people approach us over the years and say, ‘I wasn’t sure what to do or what to say’. Just folks saying/typing/texting/posting ‘I’m not sure what to say but thinking of you’, meant a lot. If you are thinking about calling, emailing or facetiming someone today who has suffered loss or is going through a loss of job or is socially isolated with COVID-19 – just do it. Words and deeds have never been more powerful.

We can have 20/20 vision about yesterday, but here in 2020 we’ll step forward and shape our tomorrow even though we know it’s impossible to see everything ahead.

BONUS: You remember my sister, AC (Auntie Cathy to Chris and many of you). She’s doing an online event on Sunday, March 29. It will be an amazing way to connect for many. As it starts at 10:30 PM eastern, I’ll be sleeping cause I’m old, but they are going to record the event as well. Just another way to stay connected and uplifted in strange times.

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Be The Best.

Be positive?

The post for this week was drafted last weekend. All good, except the world kinda changed…again. We’ll let that post age a little and hope it comes out like a good wine a few weeks or months down the road.

Watched an interview with Italian doctor this morning. Her advice after being in the epicenter of COVID-19 havoc these past few weeks – act like you are positive. Not ‘happy’ positive – but positive to the virus. This changes your mindset and you become extra vigilant. Some good advice. I wish you all safety in the days ahead.

Life is not always sunshine and roses. Stuff happens. While we can’t control everything we can control our next decision and then our next and next after that.

I love the book Good to Great by Jim Collins. He tells a story of the Stockdale Paradox, the account of a prisoner of war during the Vietnam war. Jim Stockdale made it out. He did so by keeping his faith he would prevail combined with FACING THE BRUTAL FACTS.

As we continue to remember Chris in 2020, there are some strange connections with the loss of a child and a world pandemic. We can’t control everything. To get through the worst, we must face the brutal facts and take actions to get through. If those actions (decisions) we make get us closer to getting through, we must make more decisions. Decisions are power.

Yes, we must remain positive. But that might mean acting like you are positive – just like the Doctor said.

Again – all the very best to you around the globe as we make our way through these uncharted waters.

Summary from article linked above:

Finally I asked, “Who didn’t make it out?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “The optimists.”

“The optimists? I don’t understand,” I said, now completely confused given what he’d said earlier.

“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart. This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end–-which you can never afford to lose–-with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

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Be The Best.

Spring Brake

Let’s stop and think about Spring. Yah, Spring Brake. And yes, I’m going to take every opportunity for every pun and Dad joke I can come up with. 😉

Ok – I drafted this post last weekend and it feels like the world has changed. COVID-19, Coronavirus, country shutdowns, social distancing, self quarantine are all words now firmly embedded into our daily lexicon.

Talk about Spring Brake! Ok, world pandemics aside, Spring will indeed come and I wish everyone a safe passage through the coming weeks and months as we navigate this extremely unique time in world history.

A true Michigan March. Trees about ready to explode.

Normally in March you get that feeling of renewal. Made it through another winter! The birds chirping and trees budding provide a feel of freshness, newness and belief in warmer days ahead.

Cheating a bit..this is June 2019 in Michigan. Beautiful landscapes.

That said, March can be a month where you have harsh weather one minute and sunny skies the next. Looking back at this blog post nine years ago (link below), the feelings come back pretty quick. We were just under one year from Chris’ passing and we were up at Silver Star which is near Vernon, BC about 5 hours from Vancouver through the mountains. A beautiful part of the BC paradise! By the way, for people wondering – why are you explaining where Vernon is – everyone knows that. It’s been amazing to see how much blog traffic comes from the US and countries around the world. Simply put, if people are reading this blog they either knew Chris or our family OR have had a loss in their circle. Either way, you are all welcome and we wish you safe travels on your journey whichever stage you might be at!

Anyhoo – back to the story. My Dad had taken ill from a virus contracted in the hospital of all places post surgery and my sister was also in the hospital in Vernon. We were up for a visit and spent a day on the slopes as we felt we were skiing and boarding for Chris and my Dad (who skied actively into his 80’s). By the way, Reverend Jake, (that’s what I call my Dad!) recovered nicely and is still going strong at 89 years young. More on that later!

Have a look back at this post and a little BC snow experience as the weather moves from winter to spring.

If you ever have a chance to get up there btw, go for it. It’s less crowded than Whistler and you can’t beat it for families. And no, this isn’t a paid endorsement for Silver Star. Just some BC insider experience and Dad knowledge. Be safe. Have fun. And yes, that is what I said to the boys every time they left the house.

A magical little village with houses in the snow. Ski right to your door.

Silver skies and Silver stars.

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2020 - 10 years later Be The Best.

Thanks, Thanx and Thx!

In reviewing posts from 2010, this one caught my eye as it had to do with Chris’ fund at SFU. We couldn’t believe when that fund rounded $20,000 and then $30,000. As many of you know, it wasn’t big corporate donations that built this thing – and of course a massive THANK YOU to all the businesses that were involved! It was families, individuals and friends of Chris dropping off babysitting money to our door – and making us so humble we hardly knew how to absorb what was happening.

Trucker hat Chris…age 11ish. 😉

Beyond giving financially however, was the phenomenally unimaginable support from the first responders, teachers, coaches, medical staff, work colleagues, the lacrosse community and businesses that supported us at Chris’ funeral etc etc. ‘Thanks’ doesn’t even begin to cover the surging feeling of gratitude that I feel typing this 10 years later.

The fund at SFU was another point of hope as the ability to give is such a powerful healer in dark times. The fact this fund will live on forever in Christian Friesen’s name is a powerful testament to celebrating his life and not his passing. This is the core of Be The Best.

Max, me and Chris on vacay in 2007.

You can read that bit of history here.

29,978 reasons to say thank you…wait, make that 30,000.

Fast forward to 2020. The fund is over 70k and will be 100k by year’s end one way or another. It is just one way we are remembering Chris in this 10th year since his passing.

If you would like to help with the drive to 100k and have charitable giving dollars available for 2020, the SFU portal is open.

If you would like some Be The Best gear – there’s two ways to do so. You can go to the store and purchase and all proceeds will go to the fund as our family has already covered the costs of the products and Martket Branding is providing their services at dramatically reduced rates to make this happen.

Pop Sockets available. (product shipping mid March)

You can also let Brent Hoskins (former SFU lacrosse coach and current board member) know you’ve donated to SFU at: brent@martketbranding.com and he’ll get you an access code for some Be The Best products as a way of saying THANKS from the Friesen family and a great way to remember Chris and maybe motivate us all to do a few more push ups! For those of us new to the story, push ups were a big deal and more on that in the future.

For now, THANKS, THANX and THX again!

It would have been impossible to get through without support. To this day we stand completely humbled and changed for the positive by what we experienced and we are delighted to see multiple gifts given each year in Chris’ memory to deserving lacrosse-playing athletes at Simon Fraser University who are on their way to changing the world.

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Be The Best.

Throw Back Thursday #TBT

From time to time in 2020, we’ll look back at previous blog posts. I watched this video tonight after not seeing it and maybe avoiding it a bit for years. The zipline vid (referenced in blog post) was just so great at illustrating our family. From nerd Dad taking video like he’s super cool in 2009, to attitude teens and ‘are you mocking me?’ line from Wife (yes, that is an endearing term) – an all time classic. It’s an epic insight into our time together. We love spending time with Max even over distance between Vancouver and Detroit and we miss Chris at every Christmas, birthday or any kind of meal together…and every day in between.

Anyhoo – here is the link to the blog post: When a Poem Hits Hoem.

Grouse Mountain, Vancouver BC, 2009.
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Be The Best.

Blog History

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2020 - 10 years later Be The Best.

Taking the leap…year

Ok, it’s been a few years. Probably a couple of leap years to be accurate.

Firstly, welcome back to the blog.

It’s been a few years since I posted anything and about 8 years since the blog closed the daily and then weekly chapters. So what gives?

Chris playing lacrosse for Burnaby Mountain Selects in Virginia, USA 2009

It was 10 years ago this March. Those close to us and close to Chris have the date forever etched in memory; March 25, 2010. March 25, 2020 will come and go and this is not about the date as much as it’s about remembering Chris 10 years later throughout the year.

I’ll post weekly throughout 2020 giving you updates and maybe pictures you haven’t seen before. I’ll talk about life after loss – especially from a Dad’s perspective.

The Taj Mahal

Insight number one – guys don’t like to talk that much – they would rather do stuff! The Taj Mahal was built by emperor Shah Jahan to honor his wife who died during childbirth. Yah, I knew the honor part, just not his name. Thanks Google.

Anyhoo – when Chris passed away we set up a fund at Simon Fraser University. This fund just keeps building and has paid awards every year for the past nine years to lacrosse players at SFU who demonstrate the characteristics of Chris – especially his dedication to hard work, overall perseverance of goals and winning WITH and FOR the team. THANK YOU to so many who donated 10 years ago. Your gift has inspired student athletes and I know from personal interaction with the winners – it has impacted many of them in how they approach sport and life in general.

Some of you remember the intensity of this bulldozer coming your way. Not sure the player in the orange shorts knew the train was coming!

In conjunction with SFU and Brent Hoskins, long time coach of Chris with BMS (now owner of Martket Branding), – we’ve teamed up to do something unique for the next few months.

SFU will open their donor portal and we’ve worked with them to offer $10,000 in matching funds. That means that every dollar donated will be matched up to 10k. The fund is at 70k and the goal is 100. That represents at least two awards each year of $2,500 or more each (depends on interest rates year to year) and the fund itself never dies. It goes on forever. You get the symbolism right? 😉 You get the guy thing about building something right? 😉

Now – this is NOT SOME KIND OF MONEY GRAB OR ASK.

What we’ve done as a family is provide a way to remember Chris through Be The Best merchandise. We know there are a number of folks who still have the CF2 stickers or Be The Best patches.

The process is simple:

  1. SFU portal will open this coming week (I’ll post when it’s live)
  2. You’ll get a tax receipt from SFU for donation – so only donate if you (or your business) are already going to give something to charitable causes this year!! This is NOT a money grab!!
  3. For those that give, you’ll get an email from Martket (Brent’s company and yes that is the correct spelling!)
  4. That email will give you a code to get your Be the Best merch with all costs covered by the Friesens in partnership with Brent’s company

I look forward to reconnecting with many of you and I was totally blown away at how much this blog is still read today…even with no posts!! It means that people are hurting and experiencing loss and figuring their way through.

Much more to come. Looking forward to having you along for the 2020 journey. Let’s leap forward.

Randy Friesen for Randy, Ingrid and Max.