Tag: grief

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Be The Best.

Go to space.

As many of you witnessed reading thru the multiple World Cup (Soccer) blog  posts last month, I love that sport and many others.

I think I have a new favourite team in the British Premier League called Blackpool. 

They are underdogs coming into the season, but they scored 4  goals to beat Wigan today.

Ok…let’s go somewhere with this.  I coached both boys in soccer.  You see a young Chris here putting on some moves.

One of the most difficult things to teach kids in soccer is to ‘go to space’.  I’m not talking NASA or the moon.

Going to space doesn’t make sense to kids and even much older players.

Going to space means going to where the ball isn’t.

It’s about anticipating where the ball might go.

When you go to space, you’ll have more of a chance of having the defenders back off and if your team understands the concept of getting the ball to space, you can really start moving the ball.

Chris makes a move, while big brother Max looks on a little too close to the endline I think!

I was left with the dilemma of teaching 6-year-olds the basic concept, but they just wanted to chase the ball like a bunch of bees on a honeycomb.

What I ended up doing was teaching them a little rhyme that I made up and they would say it while they practiced a drill.

Instead of running around in a pack they would run up the side of the field then into the middle where they would get a pass and shoot and hopefully score.

The rhyme was:

Up the side,

In the middle,

Score a goal and play your fiddle.

…at which point I would insist on them playing an ‘air fiddle’ (think air guitar)!

It wasn’t perfect, but the kids remembered it and they got better and better.

As I was thinking about this tonight watching Blackpool, I thought about how Ingrid, Max and I are learning to ‘get to space’ now.  We are needing to step out in faith and go where the ball isn’t, in anticipation that the ball will be going there.  If it isn’t, we regroup and try again.

It’s a hard thing to do when you’re learning so we may be sticking with the simple rhyme for now, until it becomes a part of the new normal.

Up the side, into the middle, score our goal and play the fiddle!

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Be The Best.

Be The Best – Rhys Burnell style.

This is an excerpt from a story in the Abbotsford Times on August 13. The full story can be seen by clicking on the link below.  Rhys, like so many of us, had to deal with the why questions, emotions, confusion etc.  He has turned that into a motivating power moving forward.  Here’s the article:

Burnell, a member of the Burnaby Mountain Selects lacrosse team, the B.C. Midget Box Lacrosse team and the U-16 Field Lacrosse team, was rocked when he found out about the sudden death of his close friend and teammate Chris Friesen on March 25.

Friesen, who grew up in Langley, was just 17 years old. He was far too young, said Burnell, a 16-year-old Grade 11 student at Yale Secondary.


“I went through a lot of emotions,” he said.

“I was sad, I was confused. I tried to figure out why he died but I managed to just get through it.”

Delivering the news to their son that his friend had passed away was also an emotional experience, said Burnell’s mom Lori.

“It was very difficult because we were very close family friends,” she said. “It’s devastating. It’s hard to explain to kids this young why these things happen. I don’t think there is an explanation but to see all of the boys take up the cause and keep working hard in Chris’s name and really pay tribute to him . . . Chris lives on through these young guys.”

“There’s a picture of him holding a lacrosse stick and it says ‘Be The Best’ at the top,” added Burnell.

That’s Be The Best.

Congrats Rhys.  We’re all very proud of what you’ve accomplished so far.

You’re continuing to show us how to Be The Best.

Read the full article at:  http://www.abbotsfordtimes.com/sports/From+tragedy+triumph/3394532/story.html#ixzz0wYVZXwrJ

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Be The Best.

Under the stars

Have you ever spent some time staring at the stars?

I had the chance tonight following this spectacular sunset on Vancouver Island.

With no city lights, the stars began their dance as the sun left the stage and only continued in intensity as the evening brought its curtain of dark focus on the sky’s next show.

When I looked up at the stars, I thought of many things…but of course one of the big thoughts was of Chris.

I imagined him shining down on us all through the sun and then keeping us company through the stars.

Just like the many days when we couldn’t see the sun in April, May and June and simply had to trust it was there, it’s the same with the stars.  They are there every night, but I have not seen stars like I’ve seen tonight in many many years.

It’s interesting that it is in the darkest of darkness that the stars seem to shine brighter.  It’s a matter of remembering those stars shine this bright even if we can’t seem them most nights.

Shine on.

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Be The Best.

Just memories.

As any good older brother would do, Max washes Chris off in the sink.
A determined Chris makes a run for the ladder.
Coach Dad adjusts Chris' helmet during intense roller hockey game.
Eskimo kisses with Mom.
Disneyland? No question. Just go. It's magic.
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Be The Best.

For men only…(yah right)

I know the methodology of many guys who ‘read’ this blog.

Their Significant Other reads it and passes the information on to them.

Many guys don’t read much.  I get that.

Guys do stuff. I get that.

Guys grieve differently. The ‘professional grieving industry’ (sarcasm) doesn’t really get that.

I found a very interesting author/speaker on-line talking about the differences between men and women and how that relates to grieving.   I haven’t read his book (case in point from above…I like to own books and read parts of them…), but I watched his 20 minute mini presentation on men and grief and was very impressed.

With my management instructor hat on, I’ve spoken many times to my students about the differences between cultures  and communication AND the differences between men and women and communication.

One excellent point that Tom Golden makes is that women tend to communicate face to face…ie they literally like to look at each other when talking.  If you hadn’t noticed, when a man talks to another man, they don’t tend to do this.  Face to face for a man is all about confrontation and challenge.  What men like to do is go shoulder to shoulder and fight something together.  Think sports (lacrosse (of course), hockey, football, soccer, whatever) which replicates ancient traditions of battle.

Anyhooo, when it comes to grieving men still want to DO stuff.  I’ve mentioned this to many people but not here in this blog.  If Chris and I used to work on cars together, I would probably be finishing a car right now.  If we hunted together I’d probably arrange a hunting trip with ‘da boys’.  For me to honour Chris, the SFU Chris Friesen Memorial Fund was a huge goal and it was as much a part of the male grieving process as going to lacrosse games and writing blog posts.

Shoulder to shoulder combat.

For the men reading, take a look at this video on the attached link.

For the women reading for their men, take a look at this video on the attached link…and then drag your husbands/boyfriends/friends/sons over to take a look…or just watch it for them and let them what it was about.  🙂

It’s some interesting food for thought.

Guys:  Sorry this blog post was so long.  367 words is way too much.  Go do something.

Link to Tom Golden video (vid at bottom of page):

NOTE:  I’m not endorsing etc. Just another viewpoint along our journey!

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Be The Best.

Stop and smell the…Tiger Lilies?

I’ve been thinking about the concepts in that ‘mudslide post’ this past week.  With another gigantic slide that occurred on Friday, Aug 6 just north of Whistler, BC, it again makes me think about the concept of what we control and what we don’t.

I think the answer is something like we can’t live like there is a mudslide coming, but we should be prepared if one ever does come.  I’m reminded of the Proverb that states (paraphrased), ‘the lazy dude says there is a lion outside, if I go out there I might get eaten’.  So how does this all relate to Tiger Lilies, roses or other flowers?

We are all familiar with the phrase, take time to stop and smell the roses.  I think that’s where the balance comes in. We (as in Ingrid and I and Max) need to continue to plan, set goals, work hard and think about the future….while not forgetting to stop and smell the flowers.  Stated another way, we cannot ‘stay inside’ (figuratively) just because a lion or mudslide may again cross paths with our lives!

We continue to move forward, stop and smell the flowers and make decisions in the world we can control.  In the world we can’t, we don’t stop moving because of what ‘might be’, but we keep our ’emergency kit’ (relationships, friends, family) in excellent working condition as we continue on life’s journey.

Too deep for Saturday morning?  I’ll go smell some flowers.

Tiger Lilies in Langley garden. Aug 6, 2010.
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Be The Best.

I’ll have a mudslide please.

I’ll have a mudslide please.

This request really makes no sense except if you were in a bar and ordering a drink.

A mudslide is made with irish cream, and a few other adult beverage components.

Outside of the beverage department, you would never order a real mudslide.

Take a look at this photo.  I wouldn’t even show this to you, except that this story has already been widely publicized and shown dozens of times on TV.

Mudslide carnage near Oliver, British Columbia (July 2010)

Take a look at where the mud levels got up to.  Thankfully no one died in this slide.  Many times that is not the case.

Some slides have very defined causes, some do not and some remain undetermined.

One thing is for certain.  To the people whose homes and property and lives were altered, they were not expecting a mudslide that day.

The simple point is, we don’t know what is going to happen.

We can’t live like a mudslide is eminent every minute of the day, but when a mudslide happens it is the response that is generally measured.

The response by everyone around us from the inner circle to the acquaintances to those that don’t even know us has been and is spectacular.

Thanks for your caring.

You are helping us rebuild to the New Normal.

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Be The Best.

Chasing the Sun

Here’s those sun pics again.  Sometimes music says things I cannot say…simply because I do not always have the words.

Chasing the sun.

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Be The Best.

Young Tom, Old Tom and ‘tom’orrow.

During the recent 2010 British Open Golf Championship at historic St. Andrews, a story was told of Old Tom Morris and Young Tom Morris.

Old Tom Morris

Both were multiple time winners of the Championship and both have amazing stories.

At the height of the golfing season it seems theirs is a fitting story tonight.

Old Tom designed or had a hand in designing 75 courses and is a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame.  He won the Championship in 1861, 62, 64 and 67.

Old Tom had a son who was equally as prestigious.  Young Tom Morris won the Championship in 1868, 69, 70 and 72 and was destined for greatness.

Why am I telling you this story?

You see Young Tom had a wife and child who very tragically both died during childbirth complications.  Young Tom, aged 24,  died just a few months later in 1875 from an unknown cause, but most people blamed it on a broken heart.  Old Tom continued forward until his passing in 1908 some 33 years later.

The TV broadcast of the Championship included a re-enactment of Old Tom visiting his son’s grave and sharing some words with Young Tom who had died so young and at the very beginning steps of his adult journey.

Paraphrased, he stated, “Son, they say that you died of a broken heart.  Only I know that is impossible.”

He was inferring that his own heart was broken.  His son simply could not have died from a broken heart otherwise he would have suffered the same fate.

Old Tom, I sorta know how you feel.  With broken hearts we carry on.

That is how Old Tom honoured his son, and that’s how I will honour mine…and I know so many of you feel the same.

I LOVE this quote from Old Tom Morris.

“For true success, it matters what our goals are. And it matters how we go about attaining them. The means are as important as the ends. How we get there is as important as where we go.”

I think if he was living today, Old Tom just might add…Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

The 7:45am ‘Brunch’.

Gluten free waffles (of course), Grandma's peaches and yogurt.

Brunch is served…at 7:45am.

Yes, I know to qualify as ‘brunch’ the meal must be served after 10am.  How do I know this?  Cause I lernt it on the interweb…!  Yes, according to the always accurate Wikipedia site, a meal consumed before 10am cannot be considered brunch.

Wow.  This throws my whole family history into a jeopardy.  It could be because of the Mennonite heritage of milking the cows (I’ve never milked a cow but I’ve gathered a lot of eggs and caught a lot of chickens in my day…) and doing chores before breakfast or simply that I tend to be a ‘morning person’, ‘brunch’ has been consumed many many times before 10am in this household.  As the Chief Brunch Maker in this family and for all those who believe brunch can be eaten before 10am, I may add an addendum to that Wikipedia site…

Yes, these are real pictures of today's 'brunch'.

In any event, Sunday breakfast/brunch was a big deal in our house.  We not only had a big breakfast that got bigger as Max and Chris got older, but it was a family moment as well.   We usually had our weekly ‘family meeting’ post brunch and then as they got older and schedules more difficult, the family meeting happened after Sunday dinner.  It was a few moments in the week to discuss schedules, coordinate plans and discuss things.

Ingrid, Max and I have been talking weekly and coordinating our lives in the past few months, but I haven’t made a real solid Sunday brunch since March 25.  But I did today.  The reason it was so early (aside from personality/culture ‘issues’ as indicated above) was that Max had to head to the pool for Life-guarding duty.  Ingrid, sensibly enough, is still sleeping.

I’ll cook her a more traditional brunch served between 10am and 1pm.

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