A little piece of heaven in Nanoose Bay on Vancouver Island (Aug 2010)
As we head into the last few weeks of August you get that sense of changing seasons.
Whether it’s the CHRISTMAS DISPLAYS AT COSTCO, back-to-school stuff everywhere, or those amazing August evenings that magically cool to just the right outside temperature at about 9pm when the sun sets and gets ready for the next show just a few hours away…you get the feeling that change is in the air!
As I wrote yesterday, I like to take some time to look forward, but also like to reflect on where we’ve been.
On occasion I go through some old blog posts. It’s an amazing way to see the journey and progress that’s been made. The days and weeks have ups and downs, but I think if we see things over time the general flow of the chart is in a slow but progressive move in a positive direction!
Summer should be a time to relax, enjoy and take in the sun with family and friends.
Agreed…even though I’m not that great at it! As many of you have experienced, probably the most relaxing time is when you get away from the house and normal duties and go up to the lake, cabin, spa, etc.
One thing I love about those times in the summer is the extra time to think and to plan!
Yah, yah, I know, broken record, planning and goal setting. Ask poor Ingrid, she’s been hearing this for 24 years.
So…not to disturb the summertime vibe, but I know for myself I like to look ahead a little at the fall and ask what I want to accomplish. I’ve noticed something very interesting happening on Chris’ memorial Facebook site.
It is still a great place people can send messages to Chris and when you put things in writing you are of course sharing them with a broader community and allowing others to help support your goals and dreams as well.
I’ve seen comments about achieving physical fitness goals and pushing forward to new ones. I’ve seen comments about achieving lacrosse goals. I’ve seen comments about setting educational goals both for high school and college.
THIS IS AWESOME.
I can’t think of a better way to honour Chris and his memory then by rocking out a few goals!
Enjoy the summer. Relax (yes, I’m preaching to myself here)….but take a little time to think ahead and put a few things down on that goal list for the fall.
PS Using Chris’ memorial Facebook page won’t be for everyone but I do encourage all of us to share our goals with someone. It helps those around you help you to achieve dreams!
As many of you witnessed reading thru the multiple World Cup (Soccer) blog posts last month, I love that sport and many others.
I think I have a new favourite team in the British Premier League called Blackpool.
They are underdogs coming into the season, but they scored 4 goals to beat Wigan today.
Ok…let’s go somewhere with this. I coached both boys in soccer. You see a young Chris here putting on some moves.
One of the most difficult things to teach kids in soccer is to ‘go to space’. I’m not talking NASA or the moon.
Going to space doesn’t make sense to kids and even much older players.
Going to space means going to where the ball isn’t.
It’s about anticipating where the ball might go.
When you go to space, you’ll have more of a chance of having the defenders back off and if your team understands the concept of getting the ball to space, you can really start moving the ball.
Chris makes a move, while big brother Max looks on a little too close to the endline I think!
I was left with the dilemma of teaching 6-year-olds the basic concept, but they just wanted to chase the ball like a bunch of bees on a honeycomb.
What I ended up doing was teaching them a little rhyme that I made up and they would say it while they practiced a drill.
Instead of running around in a pack they would run up the side of the field then into the middle where they would get a pass and shoot and hopefully score.
The rhyme was:
Up the side,
In the middle,
Score a goal and play your fiddle.
…at which point I would insist on them playing an ‘air fiddle’ (think air guitar)!
It wasn’t perfect, but the kids remembered it and they got better and better.
As I was thinking about this tonight watching Blackpool, I thought about how Ingrid, Max and I are learning to ‘get to space’ now. We are needing to step out in faith and go where the ball isn’t, in anticipation that the ball will be going there. If it isn’t, we regroup and try again.
It’s a hard thing to do when you’re learning so we may be sticking with the simple rhyme for now, until it becomes a part of the new normal.
Up the side, into the middle, score our goal and play the fiddle!
This is an excerpt from a story in the Abbotsford Times on August 13. The full story can be seen by clicking on the link below. Rhys, like so many of us, had to deal with the why questions, emotions, confusion etc. He has turned that into a motivating power moving forward. Here’s the article:
Burnell, a member of the Burnaby Mountain Selects lacrosse team, the B.C. Midget Box Lacrosse team and the U-16 Field Lacrosse team, was rocked when he found out about the sudden death of his close friend and teammate Chris Friesen on March 25.
Friesen, who grew up in Langley, was just 17 years old. He was far too young, said Burnell, a 16-year-old Grade 11 student at Yale Secondary.
“I went through a lot of emotions,” he said.
“I was sad, I was confused. I tried to figure out why he died but I managed to just get through it.”
Delivering the news to their son that his friend had passed away was also an emotional experience, said Burnell’s mom Lori.
“It was very difficult because we were very close family friends,” she said. “It’s devastating. It’s hard to explain to kids this young why these things happen. I don’t think there is an explanation but to see all of the boys take up the cause and keep working hard in Chris’s name and really pay tribute to him . . . Chris lives on through these young guys.”
“There’s a picture of him holding a lacrosse stick and it says ‘Be The Best’ at the top,” added Burnell.
That’s Be The Best.
Congrats Rhys. We’re all very proud of what you’ve accomplished so far.
Have you ever spent some time staring at the stars?
I had the chance tonight following this spectacular sunset on Vancouver Island.
With no city lights, the stars began their dance as the sun left the stage and only continued in intensity as the evening brought its curtain of dark focus on the sky’s next show.
When I looked up at the stars, I thought of many things…but of course one of the big thoughts was of Chris.
I imagined him shining down on us all through the sun and then keeping us company through the stars.
Just like the many days when we couldn’t see the sun in April, May and June and simply had to trust it was there, it’s the same with the stars. They are there every night, but I have not seen stars like I’ve seen tonight in many many years.
It’s interesting that it is in the darkest of darkness that the stars seem to shine brighter. It’s a matter of remembering those stars shine this bright even if we can’t seem them most nights.
As any good older brother would do, Max washes Chris off in the sink.A determined Chris makes a run for the ladder.Coach Dad adjusts Chris' helmet during intense roller hockey game.Eskimo kisses with Mom.Disneyland? No question. Just go. It's magic.
Ingrid and I were at Deception Pass today spending time with the Ethanator, his sister Emily and their wonderful parents Selena and Frank (Ingrid’s brother).
Sunset at Deception (with lousy bberry camera!)
I know I’ve said this about other places, but the 2-hour drive south of Vancouver on the 1-5 and then west towards Anacortes and then to Whidbey Island and Deception Pass is worth every minute. If you get a chance go. Better yet, make yourself a chance…and then go!
The State Park there is incredible and many Canadians and Americans spend some great time camping or simply enjoying the fresh water lake and the ocean on the other side of the sand spit.
We’ve spent a bunch of time down there over the years most notably with Max and Chris.
I’ve loaded a picture up of Chris getting repairs after slipping off a log during a fort building exercise on the beach when he was a young buck. Nurse Ingrid is administering the first aid.
Today we were in that exact spot. Sitting on that exact beach. Kids had built a fort with the exact bunch of logs that have been there for years if not decades. Ethan showed me the fort and we built a sand castle together and then just watched the waves and tide do their thing all afternoon eventually washing our sand castle into the ocean leaving us with great memories and the possibility of building new sand castles tomorrow when the tide goes out again.
A young Chris gets repairs at Deception Pass. He was convinced band-aids made things better, so Nurse Ingrid was liberal in her 'treatment' including the green dot on his head!
It was old normal meets new normal. The ‘deception’ is (besides the tie to Deception Pass and my ongoing need to fuel my insatiable pun appetite) is that the New Normal may look easy. It might look easy but of course it isn’t.
While we were on the beach I received a message via Blackberry about a comment on the Blog. Please read it in the comment section below. It’s from someone I don’t know, but Karen has been sharing this journey and been on her own journey for 10 years since her husband passed away. As both Karen and ourselves have experienced, the new normal isn’t easy and sometimes I don’t like it much as I’ve indicated several times in this blog!
That being said, I’m more convinced than ever that the new normal is what I want to continue to strive for, knowing that it may look deceptively simple at times but isn’t, and will continue to be a series of decisions on a daily basis for 10 years and more!
I saw a news report today how our air conditioning (comfort zone) is destroying our social interaction with neighbours and not doing much for our environment. Hmmm.
I had a friend show up tonight to say hello. Way out of his comfort zone but he did it anyway. Hmmm.
Remember I told you I was going to do something to try to live the Be The Best this year? This weekend I stepped out of the comfort zone and launched the Management Buzz blog. It’s a blog about management issues, but not just for senior leadership. It’s out of the comfort zone because a) it could fail, b) do I really have time to write another blog? c) it could fail.
Sir Richard Branson
Then I read a quote tonight from Sir Richard Branson. He stated, “One of the reasons Virgin’s enterprises have been successful over the years is that we empower the staff to make mistakes— and then learn from them.”
I know the methodology of many guys who ‘read’ this blog.
Their Significant Other reads it and passes the information on to them.
Many guys don’t read much. I get that.
Guys do stuff. I get that.
Guys grieve differently. The ‘professional grieving industry’ (sarcasm) doesn’t really get that.
I found a very interesting author/speaker on-line talking about the differences between men and women and how that relates to grieving. I haven’t read his book (case in point from above…I like to own books and read parts of them…), but I watched his 20 minute mini presentation on men and grief and was very impressed.
With my management instructor hat on, I’ve spoken many times to my students about the differences between cultures and communication AND the differences between men and women and communication.
One excellent point that Tom Golden makes is that women tend to communicate face to face…ie they literally like to look at each other when talking. If you hadn’t noticed, when a man talks to another man, they don’t tend to do this. Face to face for a man is all about confrontation and challenge. What men like to do is go shoulder to shoulder and fight something together. Think sports (lacrosse (of course), hockey, football, soccer, whatever) which replicates ancient traditions of battle.
Anyhooo, when it comes to grieving men still want to DO stuff. I’ve mentioned this to many people but not here in this blog. If Chris and I used to work on cars together, I would probably be finishing a car right now. If we hunted together I’d probably arrange a hunting trip with ‘da boys’. For me to honour Chris, the SFU Chris Friesen Memorial Fund was a huge goal and it was as much a part of the male grieving process as going to lacrosse games and writing blog posts.
Shoulder to shoulder combat.
For the men reading, take a look at this video on the attached link.
For the women reading for their men, take a look at this video on the attached link…and then drag your husbands/boyfriends/friends/sons over to take a look…or just watch it for them and let them what it was about. 🙂
It’s some interesting food for thought.
Guys: Sorry this blog post was so long. 367 words is way too much. Go do something.
I’ve been thinking about the concepts in that ‘mudslide post’ this past week. With another gigantic slide that occurred on Friday, Aug 6 just north of Whistler, BC, it again makes me think about the concept of what we control and what we don’t.
I think the answer is something like we can’t live like there is a mudslide coming, but we should be prepared if one ever does come. I’m reminded of the Proverb that states (paraphrased), ‘the lazy dude says there is a lion outside, if I go out there I might get eaten’. So how does this all relate to Tiger Lilies, roses or other flowers?
We are all familiar with the phrase, take time to stop and smell the roses. I think that’s where the balance comes in. We (as in Ingrid and I and Max) need to continue to plan, set goals, work hard and think about the future….while not forgetting to stop and smell the flowers. Stated another way, we cannot ‘stay inside’ (figuratively) just because a lion or mudslide may again cross paths with our lives!
We continue to move forward, stop and smell the flowers and make decisions in the world we can control. In the world we can’t, we don’t stop moving because of what ‘might be’, but we keep our ’emergency kit’ (relationships, friends, family) in excellent working condition as we continue on life’s journey.
Too deep for Saturday morning? I’ll go smell some flowers.
Be The Best. 