Tag: loss

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Christian Friesen

Who’s your BaBa WaWa?

You all know Barbara Walters.

She’s on the View and has hosted many many interview show specials including years on 20/20.

Have you ever noticed how many people cry when they get interviewed by Barbara Walters?

Is it the tough questions?

Maybe.

I think it’s more than that.

Check out (or just take my word for it), this Oprah interview with Barbara Walters from 2004.

There’s a part at the end that is quite revealing:

Barbara: Sometimes it’s okay—and sometimes I can’t drive. Most of the time when I look back on what I’ve done, I think, “Did I do that?” And you know what I say to myself? “Why didn’t I enjoy it more? Was I working too hard to see it?”

Oprah: Because you were just going from one plane to the next.

Barbara: And worrying about the shows and getting them on the air—and then thinking, “Was it right?” What I’m trying to do now, before it’s too late, is to finally smell the roses. I know it’s a cliché, but I want to enjoy it. I want to get rid of the alarm clock every day. I’ve done enough.

Oprah: What you just said in that moment changed me. That resonates with me to the core, big-time. I got it. I’m trying not to cry. Everybody always ends up crying in your interviews.

Barbara: Time is what it’s all about. Look at all those pictures in the hallway. Look at what I accomplished. Yet I was always onto the next thing.

Oprah: Wow, Barbara. That was the most powerful insight you could have given me.

Barbara: Good. Then maybe I’ve changed someone’s life.

Subtle, but plain as day.  Oprah states, ‘everyone always ends up crying in your interviews’.

Why?  My own belief is that people know they are going to be interviewed by (or in this case interview-ing) Ms. Walters and they are already thinking about the deep issues, knowing that they will probably be discussed.

In a way, they are preparing themselves (consciously or subconsciously) to go ‘deep’ on an emotional level.

The reason the title is ‘who is your BaBa WaWa’ is two fold.  Firstly, the beloved Ms. Walters has a wonderfully mockable accent that has been parodied extensively and her name comes becomes Barbara (or BaBa)  WaWa on these sketches (think Saturday Night Live for example).

The second and much more relevant point to this discussion is that I’ve had to learn that I needed to find my Barbara Walters moment from time to time.  A place, a person, a time, a situation.  In other words, planning to meet person a or person b.  Planning to go to this place or that place, knowing ahead of time that those visits would be significant.  That…is a cathartic part of this journey.

And just to be clear, it doesn’t mean I am going on the View any time soon!  I’ll leave that to Bill O’Reilly….

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Be The Best.

The gang rolls in.

After a number of weeks of renovations, the ping pong ‘arena’ recently re-opened in the basement.

That means some ping pong must be played.

Tonight we had some of the old Brookswood gang over.  Great to see Allan, Beau, Cam and Marshall.

I don’t know if I’m just getting shorter…but these guys are definitely getting taller as we approach the 1/3 mark of their grad year.

Of course we think about what this grad year would have been like with Chris…for Chris and for us.  Looking forward to the future.  US colleges? SFU? Lacrosse scholarships?

Those questions will never be answered…and it’s hard.

That being said, it’s fantastic to hear the thoughts, dreams and plans of these young men and others like them as they prepare for their next steps.  Not that everything is clear yet.  My goodness…I had no idea what to do after Grade 12…but you start making decisions, see where that leads and make another decision and keep moving forward.

To everyone I would encourage you that things start with dreams.  Action (ie simple decisions) turn dreams into goals and goals into measurable tasks…usually on a daily and most certainly weekly basis.

Allan picked up his Chris Friesen memorial lacrosse shafts tonight and you see me and the guys in the pics below.  Thanks to Max for being the photographer tonight!

Remember…it’s ok to not know where you’re exactly going.  You just want to keep your feet moving.

THAT is advice that we are aiming to live every single day.

Great to see part of the Gang tonight!

Allan, Marshall, me, Beau and Cam.

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Be The Best.

Stair Into Space

I’m looking at a painting tonight that I was given last month.

It’s a watercolour showing a wooden pathway through a forest leading to a glorious sunrise or sunset.  You really can’t tell which one it is.

It’s called ‘into the light’ and reflects an image from Long Beach on Vancouver Island.

I love that picture.

Over the past number of months, the creation of music…sort of whatever was flowing in my mind at the time…has been a great way to express those things that there are no words for.

One of those songs I called ‘stair into space’.  The original title was ‘stare into space’, but when I saw this painting I changed the title.

I can see Chris’ journey and our journey as depicted through this watercolour.  We’re ALL on a journey constantly moving forward and moving towards the light with every step.

Maybe different stairways, maybe different pathways.  We may take some detours and will most certainly have many decision points along the way.  That being said, the movement is in the direction of the light.

Stair into space.  Here’s the link:

Stair Into Space

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Be The Best.

Ping Pong…it’s a sport.

I take some razzing at work because I like to play Ping Pong.  Yah…capital letters.

It’s a sport.

Some call it an activity, pastime, club; but that is totally incorrect.

Last year I had the opportunity to play a police officer from Berlin during the Police and Fire Games held in Vancouver.  The Ping Pong tournament was held at BCIT.  You can see some footage below.  She kicked me…hard.

In any event, I love to play.

Chris loved Ping Pong too, but it was played slightly differently.  Sure, he would play with his Dad from time to time, but when his buddies came over, the real Pong started.  They took off their shirts and up to 6 of them would run around the table taking turns hitting the ball.  In short order, someone would miss.  The guy at the other end of the table who had taken the victorious shot was then given a chance to smash a ball as hard as he could into the other guy’s bare chest or back.

Ever been around 16 or 17 year old males?  This is actually pretty normal.

They would laugh, smash balls at each other, admire the welts they had made and do it again.

It’s called male bonding and I loved to see that gang have a great time…as long as their parents weren’t worried about where the welts were coming from!

In any event, my nephew Steve, when he was up in September surprised me with a birthday gift.  It was a sandpaper Ping Pong bat custom designed with a Be The Best logo and a CF2 on the other side.

How cool is that!

I’d play with it, but don’t want to take a chance of wrecking it, so I’ve settled for a little online Ping Pong as pictured below.

Remember…Ping Pong is a sport.

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Be The Best.

Feeling quilty.

I’ve gone a week or two without a blog post about quilts.

That won’t do.

I found these pics today from August 2009.  We were having a Friesen family reunion and this was the time where my Mom had the idea to make a family quilt.  You can see that finished product here.

Anyways, I loved these pics of Chris making his square as well as a great shot of him and his cousins fooling around.

These times are so exceptionally treasured.

 

Chris checks out Bri's quilting square.

 

 

Johnathan, Chris, Bri, Pera, Max, Jessica - Summer '09

 

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Be The Best.

Wee Trolls and We Day

I was struck by two very different articles in this morning’s newspapers.

The Province carried a story called, ‘Take back Facebook’ which highlighted an ugly reality of cyberspace.  That reality is that there are people out there (called trolls), who search for memorial sites and place inappropriate (at best) and confrontational messages.  Sad to say, we’ve seen those trolls on Chris’ site too including this past week.  We remove them and ban them and then move on.  You know why?  They are wee trolls (as in small and insignificant).  In other words, those actions only speak to the people conducting those actions and they are not indicative of the majority.

I wrote early on in this blog experience about how Facebook Saved our Lives.  We remember those days so clearly.  Ingrid would spend hours each day reading the messages of support and in those darkest of nights, they kept us going.  We still encourage anyone who wants to know about Chris and our family to read this blog and read the messages on his memorial site.  The whole story is there including the 2 part eulogy.

So from wee trolls we move to article number two featuring We Day.  This is very cool. This is an event happening in Vancouver today that is tied to Free the Children.  What I love about this is that it is youth inspiring youth.  It is everything that is positive about young people.  Vision, desire, passion, action.  Love it.

You can check out We Day and all it means via this link.

Technology provides opportunity.  As humans we can make that positive or negative.

We will continue to monitor the bad and deal with wee trolls, because we know that the power of good as exhibited through the We Day events is the REAL power of young people today.

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Be The Best.

Steaming to Be The Best.

The Canucks honoured Stan Syml the other night at Roger’s Arena.

For those ‘well aged’ enough to remember, Stan ‘Steamer’ Syml epitomized the lunch bucket, hard working, never quit attitude of the Canucks in the early 80’s and led the Canucks on their improbable run to the Stanley Cup Finals in 1982.

I talked to Max and Chris about Stan Syml and my new favourite over the more recent years Trevor Linden.

I have the most priceless pictures of each of those players drawn by Max and Chris (Max drew Linden, Chris drew Syml) with their hockey cards inserted in the frame.  They gave them to me as Christmas or Birthday presents about 10 years ago and they are still proudly displayed in my office at BCIT.

The thing I loved about Smyl was that he just never quit.  It wasn’t about talent.  It wasn’t about speed.  It wasn’t about size.  It was about heart.

Love it.

As we enter another hockey season, I will never forget the conversations about hockey and sports and how we weaved that into conversations about life and working hard to achieve goals etc.

That’s Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

Happy Thanksgiving?

Just a quick note to wish each of you a very Happy Thanksgiving.

People have asked me what we’re doing, how we are ‘celebrating’ etc.

It would be easy to think that there is not much to be thankful for this year, but strangely enough I feel mostly the opposite.

Please don’t misunderstand.  If we could, we would have Chris back in a millisecond.  That is a given.  That will not change.  Our love for Chris only grows day by day and we miss him so terribly much.

That being said, we know he physically can no longer be with us so we must choose to continue our journey on earth with Chris with us in spirit…and that’s what we’re doing.

So with that as the consistent backdrop, do we have things to be thankful for?

Yes.  Here’s 5 of them.

  1. Family – My wife and son Max are amazing to me.  I couldn’t be more proud. (extended family too!!)
  2. Friends – Continue to be friends in the deepest sense of the word.
  3. Work Colleagues – Quietly supportive by allowing work to be a place of alternate focus.
  4. Sports – Love watching competition. Love competing.
  5. Coffee – It’s those small things in life that can be so great…especially when you’re sharing.

 

Thankful?

Yes.

And although not on an official list, I am so incredibly thankful for every event, photo, moment, laugh, discussion, drive, walk, ping-pong game or meal we had with Chris.  So incredibly thankful.

Chris…know that we love you so very much and we LOVED every moment we had with you.

For that we are thankful, not just this weekend, but forever.

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Be The Best.

Good Grief…6 months later

One of the more read blog posts over time has been the ‘good grief’ one featuring Charlie Brown and Charles Dickens.  Of course…a perfect match!

If you haven’t read that blog post or want a refresher, here’s the link.

What’s good about grief?

On one hand, not much…not much at all.

On the other hand, grief can only be caused when there has been a love so deep that it evokes such deep emotion.  That’s pretty powerful.

I saw/heard a Be The Best story today that you’ve just gotta hear.

There was a very sad story from last summer where a family lost their 19-year-old son in a drowning accident at Harrison Hot Springs.  The family had put up a memorial cross at the site, but the Harrison community removed it, fearing vandalism or theft.  They encouraged the family to buy a $2000 commemorative bench so their tribute for their son could be permanent.

When that story first aired, the conclusion was that the family simply could not afford that expense.

Fast forward a number of months to today.  A young woman viewing that story was struck by the family’s situation and was so moved she mobilized what she felt and fundraised the $2000!

In today’s Newshour story, she delivered the cheque to the still grieving family.

They were grateful, ecstatic and emotional as they could now pay tribute to their son in the way they needed to in order to have a permanent recognition.

I thought that young woman was quite incredible.  Without knowing the family, she put her thoughts into action and made what will be a life changing gift for this family.

Is grief good?

Not really.  But the things that come out of these situations can be incredible.

As human beings we have the most amazing power to influence and change lives.

Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

Dinner for 3?

I found this picture on my Blackberry this weekend.

It was taken from the stage at CLA, the church where Chris’ funeral was held.

I took the picture the day before the funeral as we were setting some things up and doing some logistical planning.

I wanted to show Ingrid and Max where I thought we could sit and how things might work for the service.

Looking at the picture now just over 6 months later, it really symbolizes the new normal in a significant way.

We sat in a row of 3…not 4.

That was my initial thought.

But take a another look.  Yes, there are only 3 chairs in our row,but look at all the other chairs behind us…and that was only one section.

That church was packed with 1500 people supporting our family.  That’s a HUGE part of the new normal.

As for Chris, he doesn’t need a physical seat anymore.  He’s with us in spirit…every step we take and every move we make.

Love ya kid.