After picking up a few Christmas gifts the other night we headed into the local Chapters for a little book browsing and coffee drinking.
It was with some irony that I found myself gravitating to the ‘grief’ section and scanning some books.
Ingrid found me there and we stood for probably 20 minutes, each reading our own book on grief. The irony? Christmas music was pumping from the speakers, shoppers were bustling around and people were in a festive mood. Of course. It’s Christmas and that’s a good thing. And there we were…standing quietly reading books on loss like a little grief island in the middle of Merry Christmas ocean.
I’m not looking for sympathy or pity. Far from it. It was just one of those moments that happens on this journey. Sort of weird, almost funny (but not ha ha funny!), and poignant at times.
Those ‘Chapters’ moments are random, but they happen and you must just go with the flow.
I didn’t know in advance, but AC (my sister) emailed me a couple of days ago to say that Brianna (my niece) and her pals from Heritage Park school in Mission were one of five finalists in the BCAA Dry Grad video contest.
I didn’t know Bri had a starring role, until I watched the vid.
What an amazing job by all five of these groups.
Having lost a child who should be graduating this coming June, we can think of no better cause than to have everyone (parents and kids alike) be alerted to the consequences of drinking and driving and the BENEFITS of a program like dry grad.
For Bri of course, the pain is very personal, having lost a cousin on her Dad’s side of the family after being struck by a drunk driver. She was also so very close to Chris and the intensity of feeling I think really comes out in this short movie.
Any of these entries are fantastic…but of course I want you to vote for the gang at Heritage Park!
It’s a Facebook thing so you have to go here first:
In the last few years, we’ve been getting a bit more into wine and learning about this art that has been around for thousands of years. There are few things better than a wine tour of the South Okanagan with friends and picnic baskets in hand looking out over vast vineyards, hills and lakes. Conversation, wine, gluten free crackers….perfect!
A Shiraz or Sirah is a red wine made quite popular by the good folks in Australia. I found a Petite Sirah called Shot in the Dark.
Interesting name. When I read the back label, it got more interesting.
I’ve often said you can learn things from anyone or anything. Why should a wine bottle be any different!
Here’s what it said.
Life has its ups and downs.
It can be both brutal and beautiful.
You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in.
It’s only when you attempt to go where you cannot go, or do what you cannot do, that you can achieve what you are truly capable of doing.
Sure, you might tumble. You might fall. So what?
Take a chance. Go way out on the limb. Dare to try – even if it’s just a shot in the dark.
I love that line, You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in.
Living through our pain and still participating in events…like getting a Christmas tree…is a good example of this.
Anyhow, given this insight from the wine bottle, I may have to plan other trip to the South Okanagan…or maybe Australia…for research and learning purposes of course.
Last year, almost to the day, Max, Chris, Ingrid and I went out to fetch our Christmas Tree.
We’ve tried a few different places over the years, but two sort of were favourites and Church’s Christmas Tree farm on 248th won out in December 2009.
I loved that morning. Max had to work so we hit the tree farm a little earlier in the day (like 11am…CRAZY for teenagers!!), Chris was half asleep. It was stupid fun with bad jokes and I’m sure some tree puns thrown in for good measure. Hey, let’s ‘leaf’ that one alone and ‘branch’ into this area. I’m really sorry ‘fir’ you that you had to read that. Anyways, you get the point.
I shot this vid last year that many of you saw at Chris’ funeral or early on in this blog experience. It really showed our family in action at that point in our lives.
That was then. This is now.
I wasn’t sure how we would approach the tree this year. I wasn’t sure I even wanted one. But that’s the beauty of not being on this journey by myself. We talked to Max and he wanted a tree without question. He also wanted to go chop one down like we always do. I actually didn’t need to hear anything else.
Of course. Not everything can change because Chris is gone. Somethings need to remain. So as long as Max wants to, we’ll be off to the woodlot!
Given crazy schedules and Max’s work as a lifeguard, we jumped at a late Friday afternoon timeframe and arrived at our ‘2nd family tradition’ tree farm just before dusk last night. Max’s girlfriend joined us, we grabbed some coffee and hot chocolate and shivered our way into the trees. After a few bad jokes and very normal arguments about which was the perfect tree, Max did the honours and sawed it down and we carried it to the vehicle.
For yours truly, of course I was thinking of Chris. I think everyone was to some degree, but the fact was it’s early December…this is the time we always get our tree and we’ve been chopping down these wonderful trees for years and they are a wonderful part of our Christmas experience as a family. Why should that stop now?
Chris, in red, takes on fellow BMSer in practice session.
Late yesterday afternoon we left BCIT and headed up the hill to Simon Fraser University.
We’ve done that drive many times. Most of those times were to drop Chris and his fellow Burnaby Mountain Selects lax dudes off for a practice. Then they would beat each other with sticks and run like crazy people and throw a hard rubber ball as intensely as they could at even crazier dudes who were the goalies! Chris loved it.
Look at these pics from Aug 2009. This was actually a practice down in New West, but these are all BMS players in a scrimmage. Chris is red #32. I love the picture where you can see him smiling through his mouth guard. He loved playing defense. I spoke to some of his teammates who said Chris would hurt you in practice and it was excellent, cause it made you better. You knew he was giving 100% all the time…practice, scrimmage or championship game.
I just LOVE that smile.
Anyways, yesterday wasn’t a practice.
We were heading up to SFU to deliver the cheque that will be presented to the first receipient of the Chris Friesen Memorial Award in January 2011. Wanda from the foundation at SFU met us and she has become a wonderful part of all the good that is happening and will continue to happen in Chris’ name. With the fund over $30,000 and the first gift in place, the fund is now fully operational and will provide the first official payout based on interest earned from the fund in January 2012. We cannot think about the fund or the legacy from the fund without thinking about everyone who contributed directly and indirectly to the fund and our family with love and care over the past 8 months.
That’s the cheque…the coat was today.
Our entrepreneurial marketing students at BCIT were having a fund raiser today with a silent auction and also having a coat drive. Ingrid had a used coat and we also had one from Chris. The thought of his coat keeping someone warm this winter makes us feel good, even though the very simple act of giving away his coat this afternoon was not the easiest thing that I’ve ever done.
Chris didn’t play football of course, he played lacrosse but that didn’t matter.
Chris had a poster of Adrian Peterson in his room with Be The Best on it that he had made himself downloading the image off the web.
Cooking up a little brunch today, the football game was on in the background and Mr. Favre and the Vikings were taking on the Washington Redskins. Just watching Adrian Peterson run the ball I knew more than ever before why Chris admired this guy so much. He’s not the biggest player at just over 6ft, but WOW is he powerful.
But physical power aside, I think it’s his mental toughness and desire that Chris loved so much. Quoting from Wikipedia, Peterson stated upon being drafted by the Vikings, “I’m a player who is coming in with the determination to turn a team around. I want to help my team get to the playoffs, win…and run wild. I want to bring people to the stands. I want people to come to the game to see what I can do next. Things like that can change the whole attitude of an organization. I want to win.”
Hmmm….”I want to win”. Heard that before? Those were Chris’ exact words on his college recruitment video.
This morning Peterson turned several 3 yard runs into 9 and 10 yard runs. He was simply unbelievable. He fought of tackles like a man possessed.
When he drove for a touchdown he looked up and pointed to the skies.
I know he doesn’t know Chris, but I thought, there’s one for you kid. I know Chris would be cheering him on from his lofty box seats.
The game is still in progress and who knows how it will end. The Vikings season isn’t that great (UNDERSTATEMENT!), and I’ll leave the circus surrounding Brett Favre to legitimate NFL commentators.
For me, this game was all about Adrian Peterson.
I just love desire of Adrian Peterson.
I love the fight of Adrian Peterson.
I love the power of Adrian Peterson.
I love the fact that although the season is not going well, the effort is always BE THE BEST!
Even with an injured ankle, you can sense the desire as the guy is like a thoroughbred horse in the starting gates who can just smell the battle and race before him and wants nothing more than to be unleashed.
It reminds me of another athlete I know very well.
Chris in Florida 2008 schooling a much larger opponent!
I’ve learned however, that THAT is a good way to actually get creative. (wife may or may not agree with this statement)
With snow on the ground this morning I knew the commute may be long.
I may get bored.
Generally speaking after commuting for 20+ years, we are pretty used to it and use the time to sleep (if you’re not doing the driving) or simply think about the day…a chance to process some thoughts or ideas.
Then again, when you’ve got a snow commute in November…why not video it?
btw, I know exactly what the date is.
We’re not ignoring that we sit at 8 months to the day that we lost Chris.
We are however, turning the corner every month…not to forget. NEVER. Exactly the opposite.
We are turning the corner to REMEMBER.
Good times. Goofy times. Kid times. Teenage times. All those events that made the 17 years we had together so incredibly wonderful and years that will affect us in a positive way for the rest of our lives.
Chris loved the snow. He loved to show off his muscles shoveling it. He loved snowboarding and we had an amazing time together last New Years up at Silver Star.
I’m sure he was watching down on us today and shaking his head in semi-mock disgust of his Dad…doing one of his crazy antics and videoing the snow commute.
(don’t worry…I had a camerawoman along so everything was very safe…)
I think Ingrid is counting the days till this thing gets removed or morphs back into the goatee or something a little easier to handle!
The cause is simple. A cure for prostate cancer. With what my Dad has been through this fall, it’s amazing to see what the medical community can do if they are able to get on these afflictions early enough. In his case it was colon cancer, but early diagnosis and treatment were key.
Whether it’s the United Way, your Church, Movember, Chris’ fund, or $2 in a Salvation Army kettle, the spirit of giving and giving to and for others is definitely in the air.
I’m just happy most causes don’t make you grow a moustache every month…or am I?
Looking at these pics again, I think I may just keep this thing…
There’s a kid that Chris played lacrosse with for years here in Langley.
His name is Bulldog. His given name is Brendan, but I didn’t know that for about 4 years.
He’s graduating from Brookswood Secondary this coming June.
His parents, Kevin and Nauja, are TIRELESS supporters of minor lacrosse. Managing teams, arranging officials, getting parents to volunteer (THE toughest job in the league :)) and being there rain or shine to not only support their son, but support the team which many times included Chris and Bulldog playing on the same squad.
Kevin phoned me up on Saturday.
He talked to Ingrid first as I was driving and what I could overhear sounded good. I parked and she handed the phone over. Great news. Brendan the Bulldog is the first Langley student that I’m aware of from this year’s crop to be accepted and signed (it’s called a National Letter of Intent) with an American College.
Florida Sourthern Mocs
He’ll be playing and studying in Southern Florida at Florida Southern College and the teams are called, the Moccasins, or the Mocs for short.
This is cool on many levels. Firstly, it’s a BE THE BEST moment at the highest level. To have a goal and to see it fulfilled like this is amazing. GREAT JOB BULLDOG!
Secondly, just the drive to be in a position to take things to a new level is life changing. That takes focus and is something we can all learn from.
That phone call was more emotional for me than expected as of course we think of Chris and the opportunities we would have been exploring at this time. Would it be the US? SFU? Other Canadian Universities? We’ll never know, but there is a few things that we do know.
We know that when anyone has a Be The Best moment whether it’s a daily push-up routine or a college scholarship, it’s another victory and another way to honour Chris’ memory.
Be The Best has become much more than a phrase or slogan. It’s a lifestyle and a way to continue to honour Chris as we journey forward.
Bulldog, this news is awesome. We are extremely proud of your accomplishments and wish you every success on your collegiate journey at Florida Southern starting September 2011!!
She had the official total raised for Chris’ fund from the Chris Friesen Memorial Lacrosse shafts.
Ready? $8,261.54. Are you kidding me? What an incredible donation from all of those who purchased the sticks, the folks at Harrow and our amazing friends Joyce, Brent and Jeff at BMS.
The good news didn’t stop there.
Just today we received a note from Wanda at Simon Fraser with a new grand total, $29,978.45!!
Our goal was 20k. When that was smashed, Ingrid boldly told Wanda the new goal was 30k.
When I saw that number this afternoon, the first thing I thought about was hoofing it up to SFU to put in another $25 to get us over the 30k mark.
I didn’t quite get there and then I read another email.
It was from Brent from BMS to Wanda at SFU, personally committing funds to break through the $30,000 mark.
Cool eh?
In the darkest of times we have seen such warmth, light and brightness.
We are humbled and grateful and proud and sad and happy and scared and excited.
I could add more, but you get the picture.
With a fund established at $30,000, we will be helping to change lives for a long long time..forever actually, as this fund will never stop giving money away each year and will continue to grow over time.
The first $1,000 award to a lacrosse playing SFU student will be proudly given in Chris’ name in January 2011 at the Maple Leaf Awards dinner.
Be The Best. 