Category: Be The Best.

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Be The Best.

My 3, no 4 kids.

I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I knew Dad was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).

I knew my sister Grace was in the ICU.

I ‘knew’ it, but I didn’t ‘know’ it if that makes any sense.

It was sort of inconceivable that two family members would land in the ICU.

Grace is recovering from a heart attack last weekend and is doing well all things considered.  We spent a lot of time together today and she is grateful and thankful and will make a very strong recovery with the help of her Doctors and her family.

We moved from Grace’s room to Dad’s room, just around the corner in the ICU.

At one point Val (my 2nd oldest sister) and Cathy (AC, the youngest sister) held Dad’s hand and I stood at the foot of his bed.

Cathy said something like ‘Dad, you’ve got your three kids here…isn’t that great’?

Dad without skipping a beat said, ‘No, I have four.  Grace is here too.’

Yes…Dad was right on.  All four of his kids were there.  Val, Cathy and Randy in the room and Grace just around the corner in a room of her own!

After a bit of conversation Dad dropped this nugget as we talked about life in general.

‘Life is too short not to live the dream’.

WOW.

That’s some deep stuff.

Thanks Dad.

That’s a Be The Best moment.

Yes, life IS too short not to live the dream.

Love it.

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Be The Best.

I need a laugh…

Not too much is funny right now.

Dad is fighting away in ICU and Grace is a few doors down on the road to recovery.

That being said, the gift of laughter, even on our darkest days has been like rays of sunshine in a dark place.

Maybe Chris knew we needed a little laugh this week too.

I was scrambling for some business cards in an office drawer that I don’t use too much when I noticed a couple of sheets of paper.  I pulled them out and looked at them.  They were photocopies of a picture that Chris had drawn for me when he was about 11 or 12 I think.

Jim Mitchell, my very good friend, mentor and colleague at BCIT (now retired…way too young I might add), was like a big brother to me.  Which meant we had lots of laughs and played lots of sports etc.  There was the odd wrestling match or other show of strength.

These sports stories would often become part of dinner conversation.  One night I asked Chris if he would draw a picture of me beating up Jim….just for fun.  I was half joking, but Chris got out his pencil and went to work.

He created the masterpiece you see below.

I laughed so hard then and I laughed again this week when this picture resurfaced.

At the time I quickly made 20 copies because I knew Jim would probably just rip them up as he found them.

Chris loved Jim too.  When Jim saw either of the boys he would stretch out his hand and get them to slap it as hard as they could and say…“That’s all you got??” And then repeat until their hands would sting so hard they would stop.  As Chris got older he loved those interactions, and I think I even saw Jim wince once…..

(but he’ll probably deny it)

Jim, you’re a great friend and I think Chris wanted us to have a little laugh this week…even if it was at your expense.  You gotta admit, I look pretty good in this picture.

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Be The Best.

Be The Best – play lacrosse

Boldly stolen from the BMS Insider, the following questions were asked of Jishan Sharples now at McGill.

Love it all.  That’s Be The Best!!

Read the full story and more here:  JOURNEYS

What role did your family have in helping you get to where you are now?

My parents exceeded every single possible role that is listed in the parents handbook to raising a lacrosse player. My dad introduced me to lacrosse when I was 5 and has been my coach, support system, idol, and inspiration for the last 14 years. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Even though my mom wasn’t the biggest fan of contact sports, her continual drive and push for my educational success has landed me at one of the top schools in the world.

Favourite on-field memory from being part of the Burnaby Mountain Selects program?

Winning gold and defeating the Island Selects in the 2008 World Youth Invitational after losing to them during round robin.

Favourite off-field memory from your travels with the Burnaby Mountain Selects?

Hanging out with the boys at the hotel. It was great to finally get to know some of the players you competed with in box lacrosse all your life.

What is the best piece of advice that you have ever received?

You play a finite number of lacrosse games in your life so play every game like its your last. My dad told me this a few years ago and even though it seems a bit cliche, you don’t really learn to appreciate this until you’re able to count how many more games you have in your career.

What advice would you give younger BMS players aspiring to play at the collegiate level?

Always remember that your education is the most important thing when it comes to choosing a university. Find a school where you will be able to get a solid education and are able to play lacrosse as a side. Don’t be disappointed if you contact a coach and he is not interested. Start early and don’t always be set on going to one school. Your going to be changing your choices 100 times over and over again and the school that you end up with might not have been one that was on your top 5 list.

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Be The Best.

I see you.

I turned to one of my favourite poems this week.  Ok, I only know a few poems and most start with Roses are Red and Violets are Blue, so maybe this doesn’t count, but I love that Invictus poem that you’ve seen here before.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

There is something so empowering in that text.  The mindset of continuing to make decisions about my own outlook despite whatever comes my way…that is the power of that poem to me.  I am the captain of my soul.

My sister Grace who lives in Vernon and was very active in helping with Mom and Dad suffered a heart attack this past weekend.  What? Really? Yes…out of the blue.

Ironically, she is in the ICU just a couple of doors down from Dad.

He continues to fight hard, but is up and down.

Mom wrote an email yesterday that made us laugh at the visuals of Dad being encouraged to walk with the aid of a walker, going down the hall in the ICU and stopping at Grace’s door and saying Hi Grace!  I called her on her cell and laughed with her too at that story.

We are scared to ask, what next?

Grace is doing pretty good and under excellent medical care as is Dad.

I see you.

ICU.

Yup, I’ll see you in the ICU.

I said to Mom that this was like our own personal tsunami sort of.  These forces of nature pounding our family at this point.  Of course our hearts go out to the families in Japan coping with loss from the real earthquake and tsunami and we wish them the strong HOPE for recovery and the future as discussed yesterday.

For our family, we will continue to regroup, rethink, revise and re-engineer as we move forward.

Dad and Grace…get ready for some hospital scrabble this weekend.

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Be The Best.

Hope is an action word.

What is hope?

It’s a noun.

It’s a verb.

It’s actually both.

That being said, any way you use it, I’ll argue that hope is an action word.

What do I mean?

Hope may be a state of mind or the expression of a state of being but when hope is combined with action…it truly is an action word.  I hope for a great future.  How am I making that future happen?

This past weekend, a trail on private land was dedicated to Chris’ memory.

The name of the trail…Hope Trail.

Totally love it.

Chris’ story is one of sadness sure…but it is also oozing with hope.

This trail leading down from a beautiful Valley property to the river below is not for the timid.  It’s a tough trail fit for a hard training athlete doing the equivalent of bleacher runs as Chris would do many times.

What is hope?  Hope is a massive tree crashing down in a windstorm and then the thought, desire and action to cut the barrier in pieces to get the trail through.  Hope is not seeing a cliff, but seeing a trail…

Steve addresses the assembled at the trail dedication...(ok, I think he was telling a joke)

Hope Trail.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Many thanks to Steve and Evy Klassen (Steve spoke at Chris’ funeral) and their family for this amazing remembrance for Chris.

Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

The best day ever.

There has been an ongoing little joke in our family for years.

My Dad is a pretty positive guy especially when it comes to stuff like ping-pong, tennis and skiing.

The joke is that if you’d ask him how his day was on the slopes for example, he would always say…GREAT, the best ever.

Each trip, it seems, would outdo the previous.

Now where it got funny was we knew some of the days weren’t that great.  If you’ve skied in a minus 20 degree day of an Okanagan winter or the liquid snow of Hemlock Valley or the driving sleet of a December day on Mt. Baker you know what I mean.

On those days if you asked him how his day had been he’d say…GREAT, one of the best ever!

Notice the subtle difference?

On this Saturday, having survived a very tough Thursday night and sensitive emergency surgery, he noted to my sisters Grace and Val that this was one of his BEST WEEKENDS EVER.  He was indeed very alive and got to spend it with his bride…and of course a couple of his kids.

Interesting perspective…and I love it.

That’s a hospital bed BE THE BEST moment direct from the ICU.

Nice work Dad.  We’ll call that your living sermon for this week and give you the day off tomorrow!

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Be The Best.

Dad’s skis on Silverstar

Punctuation is everything isn’t it?

Dad skis on Silverstar.

Dad’s skis on Silverstar.

Only the 2nd was true this year.

I told you retro...!

I borrowed Dad’s gear as I had got rid of my mega retro mid 80’s 205 Kneissl White Stars at the end of last season.

Dad’s much newer shape skis carved effortlessly down the slopes on Friday night and Saturday and with every run I told Dad I was skiing for him and then looked at the clouds and told Chris I was skiing with him and then tried to catch up with Max so I could tell him I was skiing with him too!

If you are reading this at the 11pm hour Thursday night, Dad has now been rushed into surgery this evening to fix a number of complications.  This is not an easy surgery, but we know he’s fighting hard.  I spoke to my Mom an hour ago and she’s an amazingly tough lady.

Dad…if you can somehow get this message, think about those ski hills and how your skis were zipping down the slopes this weekend.

We’re with you right now in spirit and that includes Chris and the whole gang here and everyone who has ever got to know you personally or through this blog or through any other connection.

Fight hard.

We love you.

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Be The Best.

The father/son pre hospital walk…v2

As you read from the previous couple of posts, we had blitzed up to Vernon this past weekend.

My folks live up there as well as my sister Grace and her husband Steve and two of my nieces as well.

Dad had just been released from a 2 day hospital stay following his colostomy reversal.  This allowed his ‘system’ to be reconnected with the goal of a complete return to normal activities like skiing and tennis.

We arrived in Vernon on Friday afternoon and met up with Dad at my sister Grace’s home.

He was itching to go for a walk.  I checked 10 times that his Doc had okayed this and he said absolutely all systems go…so to speak!

We went on a short walk.  I said the last time we had walked together was in the fall just before his first surgery.  The only thing different about this walk was that I wasn’t wearing Chris’ running shoes and Dad wasn’t wearing Chris’ trucker hat.  He told me that he wore Chris’ hat all the time.  I told him I’ve worn Chris’ shoes on many walks as well.  We didn’t need to say much after that.

Why this story?

Within 24 hours several health incidents starting flooding our way.  The late season flu bug hit hard with Mom being sick and possibly Dad as well.  He has now been confirmed with a nasty virus that has caused him to have to go back to the hospital.  He is in an isolation room and although he is stable, the situation is certainly serious.  The rest of us got hit with what is being determined as a heavy dose of the late season flu.

It was sort of like a whirlwind in slow motion.  As we are stabilizing our own health, we of course think about what we can do for our folks and I know many of you who know my Mom and Dad feel the same and that includes those who have just got to know them through references on this blog.

One of the great programs that Interior Health runs is the E-wishes program.

It’s a very simple process in that you can send an email and it is printed, delivered and read to a patient by wonderful volunteers and sometimes even the health care staff.

As he is not seeing any visitors at this time, it’s a great way to connect.

This is the link to the service as you may want to send a note or may know someone else who has a family member in a hospital or care home and the ‘what can we do’ question comes up.

http://www.interiorhealth.ca/health-services.aspx?id=6652

The direct email for Vernon is:

patient.vjh@interiorhealth.ca

You simply put Jacob Friesen in the subject line and type away.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you about Dad’s skis and how they got up to the mountain this year…even if he couldn’t.

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Be The Best.

Chair 32

We spent the weekend at Silver Star in BC’s amazing interior.

If you’ve never been, go.  It’s beautiful.  For families it’s amazing.  Skating ponds, tube town, all levels of boarding and skiing…the works.

Silver Star village centre

Max, his girlfriend Kiera and me spent the day boarding and skiing.  After lunch Kiera and Ingrid relaxed at the condo while Max and I explored the mountain.

We went up a lift we loved skiing in the past with Grandpa (my Dad), Chris and Max.

As we sat down, it was just the two of us on a 4 seater chair.  I’m not sure why, but I looked up at the chair number.  32.

The numbers 2, 32 and 41 are hugely significant for us.

They are all displayed on his jerseys at home.  The number 2 from Langley, 32 from BMS and 41 from the National Team.

Max and I rode that chair 4 more times and the numbers weren’t even close to any of the above.

Fluke? Chance? Just circumstance?

It could be, but these kinds of things happen with the most interesting of timing…and this isn’t the first time.

We ask fewer questions and just accept that in those moments we connect with Chris in a special way.

In this case, I couldn’t help but shoot some video.

Christian, we loved boarding and skiing with you yesterday, even if it was a bit different than before!

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Be The Best.

A whole lot of holes.

I wrote about circles the other day.

Interestingly enough I’ve been thinking about holes too.

I didn’t think they were connected.  But now I know they are.  I’ll aim to explain.

One of the most painful things you must do when you lose a child is go on the ‘cancellation tour’.

This includes driver’s licences, passports, etc.  It’s something you don’t think about and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Have you ever kept your old passport?  That’s allowed and the passport office will cut the corners of your passport so that it is visibly defective and relegated as non conforming.

With Chris’ passport they punched 2 holes into it and gave it back to me.  The staff member was very kind, but here I was in the office trying to keep my composure as these holes were pounded through his passport.  You may have just pounded those through my chest.

I left the building and joined Ingrid in the car where I had refused her strong willingness to come with me.  I simply did not want her to have to deal with that.

For months and months I’ve looked at those holes.  I’ve felt the pain of loss.  It is as evident today as a year ago.

But… what about circles?  That’s where this gets interesting.

In thinking and writing about circles I realized that the holes in Chris’ passport are perfect circles.

The pain that those holes represent could only exist because of the circle of love we have for each other and how that long will NEVER EVER END.

In other words, deep loss is purely symptom of strong love.  Without the deepness of connection there would be no feeling of loss.

That makes looking at those holes feel better, makes us stronger…and turns the holes into feelings of wholeness.

A whole lot of holes.  From empty space to the realization of the circle that fills those holes in a figurative sense is infinite.

And yes, this will make even more sense when you read the circles blog.

Have  Be The Best weekend!