Be The Best.A recent escape has allowed us to take in some amazing sunsets.
They are a constant reminder to us of a Presence bigger than ourselves and a reminder that even though clouds may be dark, there IS blue sky behind even the darkest skies.
That’s a silver lining you can even see in the dark.
I read and watched with interest the recent news stories about Mark Kelly, the NASA astronaut and husband of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Congresswoman Giffords is showing how amazingly strong she is by continuing to improve at a rapid rate from an assassination attempt a mere month ago.
The recent news that I’m writing about here is Kelly’s announcement that he is continuing with his shuttle mission. Questions arose about how he could focus on such an incredibly difficult mission while his wife is recovering from a life threatening event and the trauma surrounding that situation.
Quoting from an Associated Press article on Feb 8,
“The key word there is being able to compartmentalize things,” he said.
Putting aside problems and feelings in little boxes and zeroing in on the tough task at hand — compartmentalizing — is what astronauts, military officers, firefighters, surgeons and presidents do all the time. It’s a good coping technique that works, especially for people like Kelly who is dealing with a family crisis, psychologists say.
You can read the full article here. It’s very interesting and it’s safe to say this is an extraordinary family and we wish the Governor a very speedy recovery and Commander Kelly a stellar and safe mission.
A psychology professor is quoted at the end of the article with his viewpoint.
In some ways people who “are very successful and high achievers” generally feel better because of this well-honed compartmentalizing skills, said Virgil Zeigler-Hill, a University of Southern Mississippi psychology professor. But they also can pay a big price later with an emotional rebound that can hit hard.
“It’s kind of a roller coaster,” he said.
That is probably what I found the most interesting.
Compartmentalizing is what gets these astronauts through a crisis scenario, but the ’emotional rebound’ can be significant. I’m sure that point could be countered by other psychology professors and of course the journalist is doing their job by getting both sides of the issue.
As I relate this back to what we’ve been through as a family and many of you with us who knew and loved Chris and quite frankly for those who have only got to know him through this blog…I think some of the best advice we received was to not completely compartmentalize or to completely melt into the thoughts of loss.
I’m not a doctor, but I can say this from experience that spending too much time with the thoughts of loss is simply overwhelming and not sustainable. Spending no time there…ie, complete compartmentalization is also a no-go in the longterm. I see compartmentalization as a key tool to continue to move forward, but to do so without spending time thinking and grieving and processing could produce long-term negative side effects. This blog has been a significant tool for me. Daily for over 100 days and multiple times per week since then, I have put thoughts to words and words to ‘paper’ via the blog. That has been a strong emotional connection to the healing process and a strong counter balance to the compartmentalization that is also a vital part of continuing to operate at a high level professionally.
Again, it appears that balance is the key. A radical balance perhaps.
I’m guessing if you ever had a private conversation with Mark Kelly, he’d let you know he was compartmentalizing for now, but fully prepared to deal with the events of his personal life post mission.
Even for those of us not flying space shuttles for a living, there’s some interesting thoughts here and I’m convinced as ever we can continue to learn from diverse and unexpected sources…like space shuttle commanders!
I had forgotten about some quick vid shots that Max and I had taken during the Maple Leaf Award dinner.
The one minute video recap is below.
As mentioned, Scott Rintoul from Team 1040 radio did a great job emceeing the event and it was great to meet him in person.
As a shameless BCIT plug, he’s a fantastic ambassador for the broadcasting programs (radio, journalism, tv) and we’re sure proud to have him as one of our Alumni. For those readers of this blog who are making education and career decisions in the next few years (or parents), BCIT has an excellent Big Info night coming up on March 2. I just double checked the weblink and my staff have put a very freaky looking picture of yours truly up on a vid that gives you a run-through of the event. Ok…why am I telling you all this? Of course, I love BCIT and what it does for people’s lives, but education of ALL FORMS is so critical to provide choice, options and opportunities for the future. These sessions simply open up eyes and brains to a bigger understanding of what kind of possibilities exist in the world of education. On a personal level, that’s a BIG DEAL for us as parents and I believe for us as a province and country as well. Ok, enough already, I’m stepping down from the soapbox…!
The last frame of the Maple Leaf video is a picture of the quilt that was made for us by one of my BCIT staff colleagues in Marketing, Kim. That became an instant family heirloom and something that we treasure at a very deep level. It seemed fitting for Chris’ 32 to show at the end of this clip surrounded by his BMS teammates. The side of the quilt shown in the vid is made entirely of Burnaby Mountain Select jersies that were brought to Chris’ funeral as a sign of respect, honour and friendship at Chris’ funeral.
To see more about the quilt, you can read/view: 7 days to write about a quilt and then link to other quilt blogs. For a while there I thought this was going to become a full-time quilting blog but thankfully I left that to quilting professionals.
As we move forward from the Maple Leaf Awards 2011 and the initial Chris Friesen Memorial Award, we are excited think about the thousands of dollars to be awarded in the future and more importantly the opportunity to inspire and challenge young men and women each year to BE THE BEST.
Here’s the vid:
Once you get involved with any kind of serious lacrosse in the Valley, you’ll soon learn that the Bull family is very well represented and have deep roots in the community and a passion and skill for the game that is in the blood.
Chris played with Brandon Bull, Ashley’s brother, Riley Brown, Ashley’s cousin, and was coached by Dennis Bull (dad) and Harvey Bull (grandpa). See what I mean? We saw Ashley at the rink all the time with stick in hand.
To be named to the National Team for Canada at the U19 level is unbelievable enough. To do it when you’re two and three years younger than most of the players is simply incredible.
It’s completely BE THE BEST!!!
There is a great story about Ashley in the Langley Times which is worth the read.
Here’s an excerpt:
The characteristics some of her coaches used to describe her — tenacious, fearless, determined and not afraid to mix it up — are fitting of her surname.
Coaches were describing Ashley Bull, a 16-year-old Grade 11 student at Walnut Grove Secondary.
“She is best described as fearless,” said former coach Sean Beasley. “Not too many girls find themselves on the lacrosse floor with male players, but she had no fear.”
I love the passion, dedication and focus that Ashley embodied as she pushed towards her dreams.
The Team Canada coaches called her a sponge.
They weren’t saying that because she’s soft…she’s one of the toughest players around and played with all-boys teams for many years holding her own and more often than not being one of the top players on the floor regardless of gender.
No, the coaches called her a sponge because of her desire and willingness to soak up information, to get better, to continually learn to BE THE BEST.
Congrats Ashley.
You’ve made your family, your town, your province and the lacrosse community very proud. We know you’ll make Canada proud too. Go get em!
Go Canada Go!
LINK: Langley Times article (includes great pic)
LINK: Official announcement from Team Canada
I know many of us remember Chris is so many different ways. I still see many of those wrist band things when we’re out and about. Awesome. We’ve worn ours every day for 10 1/2 months and I’m not sure when we’re ever going to stop.
I’ve seen more than one tattoo. Cool. (again, from a parent’s perspective, we’re not pushing tattoos, but we understand the DEEP meaning of getting one and we are incredibly humbled and honoured when someone makes that personal decision to honour Chris in that way!!)
I’ve seen email accounts, twitter accounts and facebook stuff all acknowledging and remembering Chris. Love it.
But one thing I had not seen…until now.
What would a tattoo for your car look like?
Well, I think Will VH, a good friend and lacrosse bud of Chris’, figured that out.
He just received the one and only set of CF 2 license plates in the entire province of British Columbia.
Cool.
Take a look at the pic below. I think it says it all.
Love it Will. Drive safe and Be The Best!
What…we’ve awarded it once and already formed an acronym? Lame.
That’s the Chris Friesen Memorial Award. There, that feels better.
A few closing thoughts about the awards.
Jeff Cathrea and Brent Hoskins are the head coaches for the SFU men’s lacrosse team. Their accomplishments are pretty impressive, but they probably won’t tell you that. You’ll have to read it here.
The biggest accomplishment however, doesn’t really show-up on stats sheets.
It shows up in stories about young men and how they have focused on their education.
Focused on their fitness.
Focused on lacrosse.
Focused on their future.
Read this story about one of their players, Chris Tessarolo.
If you’re a young person reading this, some fatherly advice. Work hard at school, do your homework…and listen to your coaches! They know what they’re talking about!!
Brent and Jeff won Coach of the Year honours in their conference and that’s a testament to the dedication to the team, SFU and development of younger players in the Selects program and camps. Congrats guys!
Here’s a few more pics from the evening.
Oh, and the Best Dressed? The very lovely Ingrid Friesen of course.
The cool thing about the Chris Friesen Memorial Award is that you don’t ‘win’ it by necessarily scoring the most goals. It’s about what happens on the field for sure…but it’s also about what happens off the field. It’s about someone who is making a difference, changing lives and living with Chris’ passion to BE THE BEST.
Here are some details from the official terms of reference that Simon Fraser University has on this fund. This is significant because these words will stay forever linked to this award. We think that’s very cool.
——————
The Christian Friesen Memorial Endowment Fund was established in 2010 in memory of Christian Friesen. Funds for the endowment fund were donated by friends and family. The endowment fund supports the Christian Friesen Memorial Award.
Christian (Chris) Douglas Friesen was born on January 14, 1993. He passed away on March 25, 2010.
Chris’ passion was lacrosse. He represented his hometown of Langley on many occasions and represented his Province of British Columbia on the national stage in both box lacrosse and field lacrosse. One of his crowning achievements was to be named to the All-star Team at the National Field Championship in Winnipeg, September 2009.
Letters of interest from multiple universities in the United States had been received, but Simon Fraser was still very much at the top of Chris’ list for consideration.
Chris had a strong affiliation with the Burnaby Mountain Selects program run by the SFU lacrosse coaches. The involvement in this program pushed him academically and athletically. Chris was determined to Be The Best.
Chris’ passion for life and his incredible smile, personality, kindness and compassion was echoed by over 2,800 people who joined his Facebook remembrance page within days of his passing.
The recipients of this award are encouraged to Be The Best and to change the world.
———————–
When Brent (one of SFU’s head coaches) whispered the name of the recepient to me just before the dinner on Saturday, I loved the choice the Coaches had made.
The inaugural winner of the Chris Friesen Memorial award is Luke Genereux. Luke was one of a number of assistant coaches who were usually college players themselves and were like older brothers to the boys in the BMS program. Luke played with Chris. Taught Chris. Chris really looked up to Luke as a role model, superb lacrosse player and as a person. You can see Luke’s profile here.
As parents and for Max too, we couldn’t think of a better way to kick this award train off! Congratulations Luke. You are hereby challenged to BE THE BEST as you explore the future and build your career and life experiences. As we told you personally on Saturday night, we are very proud of you. Great stuff!!
Here’s a pic of Ingrid and I with Luke.
This night had been circled on our calendar for many months.
It has come and it has gone…and it’s sort of cool to think that in another 363 days or so, another young man will be challenged to BE THE BEST and continue to live with focus, kindness, desire, passion, drive and intensity.
Chris…your passion will fuel us all.
Congrats Luke!!
I think I have a week’s worth of stuff to blog about.
Just like CoJo (I’m disturbed I know his name) at the Golden Globes, I’ll have my complete list of best dressed and worst dressed and other red carpet secrets later this week….or not. (before I get in trouble…everyone looked fantastic…even most of those lacrosse players clean up pretty good or at least had their mom’s or girlfriends iron a shirt for them which is a big step forward. (I have license to state these facts having lived with a lacrosse player for years…!))
What an evening.
I had not been at the Westwood Plateau facility since the Maple Leaf Award dinner last year. That was of course a different kind of evening. Chris won the BMS U-18 Defensive MVP award and we had a great evening hosted by Steve Darling from Global and Brian Price the keynote speaker, a gold medal Olympic rower.
This year, Scott Rintoul from TEAM1040 did a great job of hosting the sold-out event and Max Ritz, lacrosse player, entrepreneur and actor (The Hills on MTV- Season 6) provided interesting insight into the sport and the amazing future this game of lacrosse has.
And although there was to be a Chris Friesen award in 2011 as well, it was very very different that is for sure.
It was really fantastic to have Max with us along with his girlfriend Kiera. To be together as a family was huge for us. To have Langley families there was amazing. There was a family who flew their son in from his lacrosse school in VIRGINIA (yes, I mean east coast USA) to be there at the dinner last night as he played with Chris on the BMS program and wanted to honour his friend.
Are you kidding me?
These lacrosse families are simply awesome.
The BMS/SFU leadership gang asked if I’d put together a video intro to Chris’ award. I was honoured to do so, but it did not come easily. I had not seen Chris speaking for months and months and there are days where I can stare into those beautiful eyes and days where I just can’t. That’s all part of this thing. It’s all simply part of the deep love that provokes emotion far to bottomless for words or comprehension.
Here it is. Enjoy. Much more on this tomorrow…including pictures and who was awarded the Chris Friesen Memorial Award.
(ps…in case you’re wondering about the music about 30 seconds in…Thunderstruck by AC/DC is a tribute to the Langley Thunder lacrosse players and families as this was in essence the theme song for Langley Thunder lacrosse)
Tonight we hand out the first ever Chris Friesen Memorial Award.
The event is the 5th Annual Maple Leaf Awards which honours lacrosse playing student athletes from Simon Fraser University and the Burnaby Mountain Selects program.
Full details on the evening are at the BMS website.
As we present this inaugural award we will think of all of the people who have and are supporting us over the past 10+ months.
We will think of family and friends, the lacrosse community, our BCIT work community and those we don’t even know, but have supported us on-line and through continued thoughts and prayers.
And of course, we will think of Chris.
Last year was the first year we attended the dinner and we did so along with Chris. During the silent auction part of the event I bid on a Stan Syml signed picture. The Steamer was a Canuck who epitomized hard work and helped lead the Canucks to the Stanley Cup Finals in 1982.
That picture had remained in its original packaging till just a few weeks ago. It is now displayed proudly with pictures of Markus Naslund, Trevor Linden and Kirk McLean along with another champion you might know…Chris Friesen.
As a family we will be FOREVER grateful to the Burnaby Mountain Selects group for their ongoing support and for providing an opportunity for us to remember Chris and also challenge these student athletes to BE THE BEST!
I’ll post the video intro to Chris’ award tomorrow and you’ll see a number of pics of Chris playing lacrosse for his hometown Thunder. The local support continues to be amazing and a number of Langley families will be at tonight’s dinner which is EXCEPTIONALLY meaningful for us too.
Let’s go do this thing!
BE THE BEST!
One of Chris’ buddies, Marshall, is heading off on an overseas adventure for a couple of weeks.
He took a picture of his backpack and loaded on Facebook.
Check this out. Cool eh? Who needs a Canadian flag when you’ve got a Be The Best patch!
Marshall…great idea, I think I’m going to mark all my luggage this way too.
Cool.
Be The Best.