Author: Randy Friesen

Randy Friesen is a business strategist, manager and educator based in Vancouver, BC. He is also a husband and father. He loves the creative process and is active in creating art and music.

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Be The Best.

2, 32, 41

No, those are not a sequence of numbers uttered by a football quarterback.

Those are jersey numbers Chris wore and was known for.

#2 in Langley.

#32 for Burnaby Mountain Selects

#41 proudly representing the great province of British Columbia

Tomorrow, March 25, is quite a day.

One year ago we lost our son.

Not a day or hour goes by without a thought of him.  Most hours the thoughts continue minute by minute.

We have found a place for people to come and remember Chris.

His ashes will remain forever at the Langley Lawn Cemetery at 208 and 44th.

It’s a beautiful place with 6 granite memorial walls in a stand of trees near 208th avenue.

When we went to view the walls, we found that two of the six walls were dedicated to individuals and four to couples.

One was called Maple and one was called Dogwood.

Wouldn’t you know it, Maple 32 was available as was Dogwood 41.

Maple 32 is amazing because the BMS logo is a Maple Leaf.

Dogwood 41 is amazing because Dogwood is the provincial flower and 41 was the number Chris wore for the province when he played at the Nationals in 2009.

Because of a few logistical reasons, we’ve chosen Dogwood 41 as the final resting place.

It’s a beautiful place to go.

Our family will be there tomorrow, joined a bit later by a few of Chris’ friends.  We wanted to show them personally where they can go to remember Chris so that they in turn can show others.

The journey continues, but this is a huge step for us.

I know my Dad in the ICU in Vernon is with us in spirit as is my Mom from Vernon and other family that can’t be with us personally. (health update: Dad is inching forward…very slow, but steady right now which is good)

Although tomorrow is a day for family and Chris’ close friends, we welcome anyone over the next weeks and months to stop by and spend a few minutes in thought about how passionately Chris lived his life and how he was determined to Be The Best.

I’ll never forget him writing down the goal of making the A1 Langley Thunder Lacrosse team.

I’ve never seen a kid so driven to achieve that goal.  He made it.  It was amazing.

Thanks for your continued support and all the thoughts and prayers coming our way this week.

We feel it!

PS

At 2:32 and 41 seconds, we will be looking up at the sky and saying hi to Chris.

If you want to take a quick look up at the sky at any time tomorrow and say hi to Chris, please do!  I know he would love it.  Dad…that’s you too!!  I know you can see the sky from your hospital bed!!

PPS

This blog has never been about money and never will be, but some people have asked what else they can do.  We will continue to give to Chris’ fund every year via Simon Fraser University’s giving program.  It’s a way to remember Chris and also challenge a new athlete every year to Be The Best.  The University has just set up a direct link for Chris’ fund.  They handle all donation receipts etc directly.  Here’s the link.

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Be The Best.

‘Happy’ Birthday

Family Pics, October 2007

Words are funny…sometimes not ‘ha ha’ funny.

Happy Birthday.  That’s the greeting.

I remember my birthday back in October.

Good day.  VERY tough day.

Ingrid’s birthday is today.

She’s had a good day, but a tough day too.

The birthday wishes have been wonderful.

Max found the perfect card for his Mom.

It says:

Mom,

Some years are better than others,

and this past one

has been especially difficult for you

and for all of us who love you.

I understand

that you may not feel

like a big birthday celebration

but I want you to know

that today and every day

I quietly celebrate you.

I celebrate your faith,

your courage,

and your grace.

You are beautiful, Mom.

I am honored to be your child.

And I wish you a birthday

filled with quiet comforts,

loving gestures,

and sweet, sweet blessings.

——————

Those words combined with Max’s handwritten comments almost distracted Ingrid totally from my present of gift cards from the gas station.  (…now you don’t think I’m THAT dumb do you?…WAIT…don’t answer that.)

Here’s something else that’s a little fun.

I put this card in front of me to write this post and realized that MOM upside down is WOW.

I’ll tell you something.

When this Mom’s life got turned upside down this past year…she was WOW.

Incredibly gracious.

Incredibly kind.

Incredibly loving.

Incredibly considerate.

Incredibly broken but somehow strong as we’ve moved together along this path of our new world.

‘Happy’ Birthday.

Yes.  I’m happy to celebrate who you are and what you mean to our sons, our families, our workplace, our friends and all the other people you’ve connected with on this journey.

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Be The Best.

Keep fighting.

After a weekend of cautious optimism and inching forward, Dad (Chris’ Grandpa) had to go in for another surgery this afternoon as a complication in recovery surfaced.

At this time he is out of surgery and is fighting hard.  Everyone is standing with you Dad and that of course includes Chris.  I wrote Be The Best on that poster in your room this weekend.  I know you will!

July 2010. Biking Silverstar.
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Be The Best.

Silver skies and Silver stars.

Medical update: My sister Grace was discharged from hospital and is home. Great news! Dad continues in ICU. He had a stable day and Docs are cautiously optimistic.  Things will continue to be day by day.  THANKS for all the continued thoughts and prayers and connections as we travel these interesting roads!

I can’t come up to Vernon without thinking about skiing.  A couple of weeks back when we went up the hill before the medical issues escalated.  It was a fantastic time for a number of reasons.  I had a great day with Max and his girlfriend Kiera, I was able to ski on Dad’s skis and have them navigate the mountain on his behalf as he couldn’t be there in person this season.  The last reason was one that I haven’t written about before.

Remember back in the day when you had those wire things that held day passes that you would attach to your jacket?  I would wear those with honour, building them up 1, 2, 5, 10 of them to prove how much skiing had taken place and the mountains conquered.  I guess old habits don’t change too much as I took out my ski jacket for this recent trip and noticed I had a few tags still on my jacket.  The one that stood out was Jan 1, 2010.  We had gone to Silverstar with Chris and a buddy for a few days of snow activity.  It was an awesome trip.  I hadn’t skied since then.  This year’s trip was for Max (and Kiera!), Dad and Chris.

It was awesome.  Here’s a little vid action with a shout out to Chris included.

There will be much more on Chris and remembrance as we head towards next Friday which of course marks one year since he passed away.

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Be The Best.

My 3, no 4 kids.

I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I knew Dad was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).

I knew my sister Grace was in the ICU.

I ‘knew’ it, but I didn’t ‘know’ it if that makes any sense.

It was sort of inconceivable that two family members would land in the ICU.

Grace is recovering from a heart attack last weekend and is doing well all things considered.  We spent a lot of time together today and she is grateful and thankful and will make a very strong recovery with the help of her Doctors and her family.

We moved from Grace’s room to Dad’s room, just around the corner in the ICU.

At one point Val (my 2nd oldest sister) and Cathy (AC, the youngest sister) held Dad’s hand and I stood at the foot of his bed.

Cathy said something like ‘Dad, you’ve got your three kids here…isn’t that great’?

Dad without skipping a beat said, ‘No, I have four.  Grace is here too.’

Yes…Dad was right on.  All four of his kids were there.  Val, Cathy and Randy in the room and Grace just around the corner in a room of her own!

After a bit of conversation Dad dropped this nugget as we talked about life in general.

‘Life is too short not to live the dream’.

WOW.

That’s some deep stuff.

Thanks Dad.

That’s a Be The Best moment.

Yes, life IS too short not to live the dream.

Love it.

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Be The Best.

I need a laugh…

Not too much is funny right now.

Dad is fighting away in ICU and Grace is a few doors down on the road to recovery.

That being said, the gift of laughter, even on our darkest days has been like rays of sunshine in a dark place.

Maybe Chris knew we needed a little laugh this week too.

I was scrambling for some business cards in an office drawer that I don’t use too much when I noticed a couple of sheets of paper.  I pulled them out and looked at them.  They were photocopies of a picture that Chris had drawn for me when he was about 11 or 12 I think.

Jim Mitchell, my very good friend, mentor and colleague at BCIT (now retired…way too young I might add), was like a big brother to me.  Which meant we had lots of laughs and played lots of sports etc.  There was the odd wrestling match or other show of strength.

These sports stories would often become part of dinner conversation.  One night I asked Chris if he would draw a picture of me beating up Jim….just for fun.  I was half joking, but Chris got out his pencil and went to work.

He created the masterpiece you see below.

I laughed so hard then and I laughed again this week when this picture resurfaced.

At the time I quickly made 20 copies because I knew Jim would probably just rip them up as he found them.

Chris loved Jim too.  When Jim saw either of the boys he would stretch out his hand and get them to slap it as hard as they could and say…“That’s all you got??” And then repeat until their hands would sting so hard they would stop.  As Chris got older he loved those interactions, and I think I even saw Jim wince once…..

(but he’ll probably deny it)

Jim, you’re a great friend and I think Chris wanted us to have a little laugh this week…even if it was at your expense.  You gotta admit, I look pretty good in this picture.

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Be The Best.

Be The Best – play lacrosse

Boldly stolen from the BMS Insider, the following questions were asked of Jishan Sharples now at McGill.

Love it all.  That’s Be The Best!!

Read the full story and more here:  JOURNEYS

What role did your family have in helping you get to where you are now?

My parents exceeded every single possible role that is listed in the parents handbook to raising a lacrosse player. My dad introduced me to lacrosse when I was 5 and has been my coach, support system, idol, and inspiration for the last 14 years. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Even though my mom wasn’t the biggest fan of contact sports, her continual drive and push for my educational success has landed me at one of the top schools in the world.

Favourite on-field memory from being part of the Burnaby Mountain Selects program?

Winning gold and defeating the Island Selects in the 2008 World Youth Invitational after losing to them during round robin.

Favourite off-field memory from your travels with the Burnaby Mountain Selects?

Hanging out with the boys at the hotel. It was great to finally get to know some of the players you competed with in box lacrosse all your life.

What is the best piece of advice that you have ever received?

You play a finite number of lacrosse games in your life so play every game like its your last. My dad told me this a few years ago and even though it seems a bit cliche, you don’t really learn to appreciate this until you’re able to count how many more games you have in your career.

What advice would you give younger BMS players aspiring to play at the collegiate level?

Always remember that your education is the most important thing when it comes to choosing a university. Find a school where you will be able to get a solid education and are able to play lacrosse as a side. Don’t be disappointed if you contact a coach and he is not interested. Start early and don’t always be set on going to one school. Your going to be changing your choices 100 times over and over again and the school that you end up with might not have been one that was on your top 5 list.

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Be The Best.

I see you.

I turned to one of my favourite poems this week.  Ok, I only know a few poems and most start with Roses are Red and Violets are Blue, so maybe this doesn’t count, but I love that Invictus poem that you’ve seen here before.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

There is something so empowering in that text.  The mindset of continuing to make decisions about my own outlook despite whatever comes my way…that is the power of that poem to me.  I am the captain of my soul.

My sister Grace who lives in Vernon and was very active in helping with Mom and Dad suffered a heart attack this past weekend.  What? Really? Yes…out of the blue.

Ironically, she is in the ICU just a couple of doors down from Dad.

He continues to fight hard, but is up and down.

Mom wrote an email yesterday that made us laugh at the visuals of Dad being encouraged to walk with the aid of a walker, going down the hall in the ICU and stopping at Grace’s door and saying Hi Grace!  I called her on her cell and laughed with her too at that story.

We are scared to ask, what next?

Grace is doing pretty good and under excellent medical care as is Dad.

I see you.

ICU.

Yup, I’ll see you in the ICU.

I said to Mom that this was like our own personal tsunami sort of.  These forces of nature pounding our family at this point.  Of course our hearts go out to the families in Japan coping with loss from the real earthquake and tsunami and we wish them the strong HOPE for recovery and the future as discussed yesterday.

For our family, we will continue to regroup, rethink, revise and re-engineer as we move forward.

Dad and Grace…get ready for some hospital scrabble this weekend.

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Be The Best.

Hope is an action word.

What is hope?

It’s a noun.

It’s a verb.

It’s actually both.

That being said, any way you use it, I’ll argue that hope is an action word.

What do I mean?

Hope may be a state of mind or the expression of a state of being but when hope is combined with action…it truly is an action word.  I hope for a great future.  How am I making that future happen?

This past weekend, a trail on private land was dedicated to Chris’ memory.

The name of the trail…Hope Trail.

Totally love it.

Chris’ story is one of sadness sure…but it is also oozing with hope.

This trail leading down from a beautiful Valley property to the river below is not for the timid.  It’s a tough trail fit for a hard training athlete doing the equivalent of bleacher runs as Chris would do many times.

What is hope?  Hope is a massive tree crashing down in a windstorm and then the thought, desire and action to cut the barrier in pieces to get the trail through.  Hope is not seeing a cliff, but seeing a trail…

Steve addresses the assembled at the trail dedication...(ok, I think he was telling a joke)

Hope Trail.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Many thanks to Steve and Evy Klassen (Steve spoke at Chris’ funeral) and their family for this amazing remembrance for Chris.

Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

The best day ever.

There has been an ongoing little joke in our family for years.

My Dad is a pretty positive guy especially when it comes to stuff like ping-pong, tennis and skiing.

The joke is that if you’d ask him how his day was on the slopes for example, he would always say…GREAT, the best ever.

Each trip, it seems, would outdo the previous.

Now where it got funny was we knew some of the days weren’t that great.  If you’ve skied in a minus 20 degree day of an Okanagan winter or the liquid snow of Hemlock Valley or the driving sleet of a December day on Mt. Baker you know what I mean.

On those days if you asked him how his day had been he’d say…GREAT, one of the best ever!

Notice the subtle difference?

On this Saturday, having survived a very tough Thursday night and sensitive emergency surgery, he noted to my sisters Grace and Val that this was one of his BEST WEEKENDS EVER.  He was indeed very alive and got to spend it with his bride…and of course a couple of his kids.

Interesting perspective…and I love it.

That’s a hospital bed BE THE BEST moment direct from the ICU.

Nice work Dad.  We’ll call that your living sermon for this week and give you the day off tomorrow!