I missed Chris at every turn. Not totally unusual…somehow just more emphasized today.
Maybe it started last night.
I was walking to the hockey game and thought about the Canucks starting another playoff run.
As I walked along False Creek I told Chris how much I missed him and that I hoped he was taking in the action, which I certainly believe he will be.
Today though, I just miss my kid.
Over a year later and the emotions and depth of feeling equals anything we’ve felt so far. In other words, the deepness of the loss continues, even though we must carry on. And if we’re carrying on, we better do a good job of it. In fact, why don’t we aim to Be The Best!
Speaking of that, AC is holding her concert in Abbotsford on Saturday.
Here’s a few blog posts/articles about her album release and concert info for those inclined.
Now, not a real live pig, but a real pig just the same.
I love the pig.
In fact, he now has a home right beside my computer where most of these blog posts are written.
To understand the pig, you must see the pig. Notice anything different about this pig? If you said it’s made of wood, that’s a good start. It has a ribbon around its neck. Good. Perhaps the wings on the pig’s back? YES….with tongue firmly in cheek…if you said, this pig had wings, THAT is exactly what is different than most traditional pigs…wooden or otherwise.
The coolest thing about this pig however, is the medal it is wearing around his neck.
It says, Believe pigs can fly And they will grow wings.
I LOVE THAT!
Sometimes to conquer what seems like insurmountable odds, something very special needs to occur.
Occasionally pigs need to grow wings.
I love this pig.
Thanks ‘you know who you are’ for giving it to me and reminding us all about the power of believing the impossible.
Whether coaching the boys soccer teams, Max playing basketball and Chris lacrosse.
Then there was the fan part of sports.
Tonight Ingrid and I ventured out to our first Whitecaps soccer game.
It was a fantastic experience…aside from the referee who felt he should be the center of attention, but alas before this becomes a sports rant, I’ll stop. (cause if I don’t I’ll probably get a red card seeing as they were being handed out like candy tonight) ((ok, I’ll really stop now))
The crowd was great. The game was great. The atmosphere was great. The company was great.
One of the first things Ingrid said to me as we sat down was what do you think Chris would think of the soccer team, MLS in Vancouver etc. I said I knew he would love it and given the open air atmosphere of Empire Field, he probably had the best seats in the house tonight.
I will never forget the Canucks playoff run and disappointment last year and the anticipation of a BIG run this year.
It was riveting and was a great distraction in very tough times. I think though, it was more than just a distraction. It reminded me of the passion that only comes from sports. The kind of passion that Chris lived with. I think that’s the true attraction.
When the winds kick up and the storm is blowin, there are bound to be a few whitecaps on the water. We’ve seen a few of those in our family this past year!
However, it was the Whitecaps tonight, that offered that wonderful first-hand look into the purity and passion of sport and remind us both of another amazing athlete and son we know, love and remember with every heartbeat.
My Dad used that phrase a lot to help my Mom support the vision of a Vernon retirement about 13 years ago.
I’m Yearnin for Vernon he would say.
After another weekend visit, I’ll say I love Vernon, but I’m yearnin not to go up there every other weekend…!
We took the beautiful drive from Sun Peaks through Kamloops to Vernon Jubilee Hospital where we saw not one, but two parents on different floors.
Then something cool happened.
Dad was well enough to go for an adventure, and after Grace paved the way with the Nurses looking after Mom, Max and Ingrid negotiated a wheel chair and we took Dad to see his bride. He told us he may be emotional and he was a bit. These two still are deeply in love after 55 years plus…really great to see.
We also showed Mom and Dad the video from yesterday’s blog and Dad’s skis at the chapel in the sky at the top of Sun Peaks. That was sort of cool.
Mom’s immunity continues low because of chemo treatment but her spirit was a strong as ever. Currently a severe ear infection has her hospitalized. As hard as it was to see her in a hospital bed, she’s getting good care.
Dad is unattached from all hoses and tubes which is a great thing! He is moving on to short-term care in another facility before heading home once Mom is more fully recovered.
Someone asked me what more our family could take given the past year with losing Chris and current circumstances with my folks and my sister’s heart attack.
That answer is relatively simple.
Some things we can control and some are not within our control.
But…the one thing we ALWAYS control is our ability to make the next decision. Simple things like making the decision to head to Vernon today. I was very happy to have the chance for Max to see and talk with his Grandma and Grandpa with Ingrid as well.
You can’t buy those moments. Every one is exceedingly special.
In a light-hearted exchange I told Dad that Max would be voting for the first time this election and that he was voting for the Green party (not that there is anything wrong with that!). My Dad is a staunch Reformer/Conservative complete with official calendars of Stephen Harper wearing what appears to be a different sweater each month. The look that Dad shot at Max was priceless and then Max admitted he was actually probably leaning towards Mark Warawa (Conservative), but he might need a calendar. No problem Dad said, he had an extra.
Dad floats between that kind of sharpness and some less sharp times but his colour is good and the prognosis is pretty decent at this stage.
For every conversation and every ability to share a laugh…we are exceptionally thankful. We controlled the ability to have that moment and took it.
I needed to get some balloons for the cemetery on Friday.
See any words that don’t sort of go together already?
So, I ‘googled’ dutifully and found a great supplier nearby…’Balloons-R-Fun’. Seriously!?
I actually had a good telephone chat with the small biz owner and suggested she might change her business name as she told me how often she helps people with memorial situations.
Maybe something like, ‘Balloons-R-Fun and Maybe-They-R-Not-That-Fun’…or something like that.
In any event, she was very kind and Max picked up 20 helium filled balloons that afternoon.
One thing one should do when releasing balloons is check the wind conditions. We had other things on our minds so when we released the first batch of balloons at 2:32 and 41 seconds, they flew right up into the big tree above Chris’ Dogwood wall.
What was actually very cool was Ethan’s balloon, which was the only one with a written message on it, got ‘stuck’ on the end of a branch out above the wall. It was sort of like it was saying a special hello. Ethan later sent off another balloon which you see in the video. He’s wearing Chris’ Johns Hopkins lacrosse hoodie which is a lifetime classic and now proudly owned by Ethan.
Things got even more interesting when Chris’ friends let go of the four balloons we had left an hour or so later. I didn’t realize what had happened until I saw the video later. Three of the four balloons stay together and the fourth balloon is also moving upward, just slightly separated.
I said where to start. It’s been a second but it’s been a year all at the same time.
I thought I might end this blog today, but I think I have about 365 blog posts after yesterday and today alone, so we’ll just get to them one by one!
Laying Chris’ ashes to rest inside the heavy granite chamber of the cemetery niche wall had a sense of finality to it, but also an amazing sense of peace. It was simply the right thing to do. Not only will we have a place to go and stand in the middle of these huge trees, but so will others.
This is truly a place that anyone of you can go and think and talk to Chris or remember. We just love seeing Chris’ friends. They are changing so much. Getting so mature as they move towards their graduation milestones. But more on that later.
The emotion sort of flowed a little for me at that moment of release. I realized that I had personally watched over my son from the hospital to the funeral home, the service at the church, and then back to the funeral home and then every day for the last year.
On March 25, 2011 it was time to let go a little.
Not let go of Chris. He is more part of me than ever before.
Simply, it was time to let go and let others also have a more physical connection to his memory.
Something that will live forever.
The bronze name plate is on its way, so you’ll see a simple laminated paper scan of the work for the next few weeks.
You are welcome anytime….between 9 and dusk that is!
Dogwood 41.
AC was there and sang Love Shines in the middle of those amazing trees. It was awesome. Not only that, she had set her sights on completing her new CD on March 25 and wouldn’t you know it, she picked up 2,000 copies that morning. We’ve played it all weekend. Love it Cath.
I want to invite you all to her gala concert at the wonderfully acoustic Matsqui Auditorium in Clearbrook on Sat, April 16. (Yes, that is on the VALLEY side of the Port Mann Bridge for my Vancouver readers…(just a little running joke with some of you!))
Here’s a few pics from the cemetery so you get a sense.
At 2:32:41 we released some balloons and looked up and said hi to Chris.
I know many of you did too.
Love it.
As we watch balloons go up, you see the walls in the background guarded by the trees.Balloons released. Nice shot Max!Temporary marker...you get a sense of how it will look.
Chris and Max jump the California surf (summer 2009)
I slept pretty well, but woke up early…like 4am early.
Is that an oxymoronish statement? Maybe…but it’s an interesting insight into our world.
I did sleep well, just not all that long.
Today is not necessarily a great day…or is it?
Obviously as we mark one year to the day that we lost Chris there are a lot of emotions flowing through our minds and bodies. We wish so deeply we could give him a real hug and see him again here on earth. But we can’t.
But we can continue to make choices. We can continue to live with a strong purpose. We can use Chris’ passion to fuel us on our journeys. We can continue to strive to Be The Best in everything we do.
Here’s three things that can help make today great.
1. Hug someone you love today. (if you’re at work, make sure this isn’t an awkward moment..!!) 😉
2. Give something away. (not money…I’m talking about a smile, your expertise, a compliment, word of encouragement)
3. Live on purpose with purpose. This is the core of the Be The Best thinking.
Is today going to be hard? Probably…they all are.
Is today going to be great? With every ‘I’m the Captain of my Soul’ ounce of energy I have, I will keep making decisions all day long to make this day as great as possible. One of the ‘greatest ever’.
Be The Best. 