Tag: loss

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Be The Best.

The long and the short of it.

I wrote a few lines the other day and just couldn’t hit the ‘publish’ button.

The thoughts were plenty deep and plenty real, but like a good wine, they have now aged an appropriate time and I can provide some greater context.

This Christmas season is not the easiest as you can imagine.

Christmas is all about family, food, traditions.

Of course that invokes memories.  That’s not a bad thing…not at all.  It’s just that this being our first Christmas without Chris, really feels weird.  You shouldn’t take the Chris out of Christmas right?  (yes, this is a a very bad pun at an inappropriate time…but that’s how we roll in this family!)

I wrote these four lines the other day.  They just sort of blurted out of my head.

How broken is my heart?

How deep is my love.

How deep is my love?

How broken is my heart.

One of the things I’ve realized is that the pain we feel, and so many of you feel too, is simply symbolic of the love we had and have for Chris.  You CANNOT have a broken heart if you had no love.  Plain and simple.

For some of you, you never had a chance to meet this kid in person.

He was amazing.  He would light up a room when we walked/bounced/stormed in!

His spirit now lights up many hearts and rooms.

We get through these times by making decisions, giving, and even taking shots in the dark.

If you’ve read this blog before, all of the above will make sense.  If you haven’t…you’ve got some work to do!

That’s the long.  Here’s the short.

I had pieces of two batches of shortbread cookies last night.

Both were unbelievable.  Those of you who know me know I don’t eat wheat so these were rice flour shortbread cookies.  They are hard to find and hard to make.

Yet two different people went out of their way in a gesture of kindness to show us that they were thinking of us at Christmas.

I’m telling you, we are again humbled by these act of kindness.  They not only help us through this journey, but it burns in my mind the incredible positive impact that the action of giving can produce.

I put a few bucks into a Salvation Army kettle last night like so many us have done on this and every other holiday season.  This time though I had more of a sense than ever about how any act, even one so small,  can make an impact.

That’s the long and short of it.

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Be The Best.

Shot in the Dark

In the last few years, we’ve been getting a bit more into wine and learning about this art that has been around for thousands of years.  There are few things better than a wine tour of the South Okanagan with friends and picnic baskets in hand looking out over vast vineyards, hills and lakes.  Conversation, wine, gluten free crackers….perfect!

A Shiraz or Sirah is a red wine made quite popular by the good folks in Australia.  I found a Petite Sirah called Shot in the Dark.

Interesting name.  When I read the back label, it got more interesting.

I’ve often said you can learn things from anyone or anything.  Why should a wine bottle be any different!

Here’s what it said.

Life has its ups and downs.

It can be both brutal and beautiful.

You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in.

It’s only when you attempt to go where you cannot go, or do what you cannot do, that you can achieve what you are truly capable of doing.

Sure, you might tumble.  You might fall.  So what?

Take a chance.  Go way out on the limb.  Dare to try – even if it’s just a shot in the dark.

I love that line, You can hole yourself away to avoid life’s pain, but then the beauty seldom finds it’s way in.

Living through our pain and still participating in events…like getting a Christmas tree…is a good example of this.

Anyhow, given this insight from the wine bottle, I may have to plan other trip to the South Okanagan…or maybe Australia…for research and learning purposes of course.

Be The Best!

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Be The Best.

Coat Cheque.

Chris, in red, takes on fellow BMSer in practice session.

Late yesterday afternoon we left BCIT and headed up the hill to Simon Fraser University.

We’ve done that drive many times.  Most of those times were to drop Chris and his fellow Burnaby Mountain Selects lax dudes off for a practice.  Then they would beat each other with sticks and run like crazy people and throw a hard rubber ball as intensely as they could at even crazier dudes who were the goalies!  Chris loved it.

Look at these pics from Aug 2009.  This was actually a practice down in New West, but these are all BMS players in a scrimmage.  Chris is red #32.  I love the picture where you can see him smiling through his mouth guard.  He loved playing defense.  I spoke to some of his teammates who said Chris would hurt you in practice and it was excellent, cause it made you better.  You knew he was giving 100% all the time…practice, scrimmage or championship game.

I just LOVE that smile.

Anyways, yesterday wasn’t a practice.

We were heading up to SFU to deliver the cheque that will be presented to the first receipient of the Chris Friesen Memorial Award in January 2011.  Wanda from the foundation at SFU met us and she has become a wonderful part of all the good that is happening and will continue to happen in Chris’ name.  With the fund over $30,000 and the first gift in place, the fund is now fully operational and will provide the first official payout based on interest earned from the fund in January 2012.  We cannot think about the fund or the legacy from the fund without thinking about everyone who contributed directly and indirectly to the fund and our family with love and care over the past 8 months.

That’s the cheque…the coat was today.

Our entrepreneurial marketing students at BCIT were having a fund raiser today with a silent auction and also having a coat drive.  Ingrid had a used coat and we also had one from Chris.  The thought of his coat keeping someone warm this winter makes us feel good, even though the very simple act of giving away his coat this afternoon was not the easiest thing that I’ve ever done.

Coat…Check.

Cheque…Check.

A good couple of days….hard….but good.

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Be The Best.

Adrian Peterson and Be The Best!

It all started here.

Chris LOVED Adrian Peterson.

Chris didn’t play football of course, he played lacrosse but that didn’t matter.

Chris had a poster of Adrian Peterson in his room with Be The Best on it that he had made himself downloading the image off the web.

Cooking up a little brunch today, the football game was on in the background and Mr. Favre and the Vikings were taking on the Washington Redskins.  Just watching Adrian Peterson run the ball I knew more than ever before why Chris admired this guy so much.  He’s not the biggest player at just over 6ft, but WOW is he powerful.

But physical power aside, I think it’s his mental toughness and desire that Chris loved so much.  Quoting from Wikipedia, Peterson stated upon being drafted by the Vikings, “I’m a player who is coming in with the determination to turn a team around. I want to help my team get to the playoffs, win…and run wild. I want to bring people to the stands. I want people to come to the game to see what I can do next. Things like that can change the whole attitude of an organization. I want to win.”

Hmmm….”I want to win”.  Heard that before?  Those were Chris’ exact words on his college recruitment video.

This morning Peterson turned several 3 yard runs into 9 and 10 yard runs.  He was simply unbelievable.  He fought of tackles like a man possessed.

When he drove for a touchdown he looked up and pointed to the skies.

I know he doesn’t know Chris, but I thought, there’s one for you kid.  I know Chris would be cheering him on from his lofty box seats.

The game is still in progress and who knows how it will end.  The Vikings season isn’t that great (UNDERSTATEMENT!), and I’ll leave the circus surrounding Brett Favre to legitimate NFL commentators.

For me, this game was all about Adrian Peterson.

I just love desire of Adrian Peterson.

I love the fight of Adrian Peterson.

I love the power of Adrian Peterson.

I love the fact that although the season is not going well, the effort is always BE THE BEST!

Even with an injured ankle, you can sense the desire as the guy is like a thoroughbred horse in the starting gates who can just smell the battle and race before him and wants nothing more than to be unleashed.

It reminds me of another athlete I know very well.

Chris in Florida 2008 schooling a much larger opponent!
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Be The Best.

Don’t Moc the Bulldog.

There’s a kid that Chris played lacrosse with for years here  in Langley.

His name is Bulldog.  His given name is Brendan, but I didn’t know that for about 4 years.

He’s graduating from Brookswood Secondary this coming June.

His parents, Kevin and Nauja, are TIRELESS supporters of minor lacrosse.  Managing teams, arranging officials, getting parents to volunteer (THE toughest job in the league :)) and being there rain or shine to not only support their son, but support the team which many times included Chris and Bulldog playing on the same squad.

Kevin phoned me up on Saturday.

He talked to Ingrid first as I was driving and what I could overhear sounded good.  I parked and she handed the phone over.  Great news.  Brendan the Bulldog is the first Langley student that I’m aware of from this year’s crop to be accepted and signed (it’s called a National Letter of Intent) with an American College.

Florida Sourthern Mocs

He’ll be playing and studying in Southern Florida at Florida Southern College and the teams are called, the Moccasins, or the Mocs for short.

This is cool on many levels.  Firstly, it’s a BE THE BEST moment at the highest level.  To have a goal and to see it fulfilled like this is amazing.  GREAT JOB BULLDOG!

Secondly, just the drive to be in a position to take things to a new level is life changing.  That takes focus and is something we can all learn from.

That phone call was more emotional for me than expected as of course we think of Chris and the opportunities we would have been exploring at this time.  Would it be the US?  SFU? Other Canadian Universities?  We’ll never know, but there is a few things that we do know.

We know that when anyone has a Be The Best moment whether it’s a daily push-up routine or a college scholarship, it’s another victory and another way to honour Chris’ memory.

Be The Best has become much more than a phrase or slogan.  It’s a lifestyle and a way to continue to honour Chris as we journey forward.

Bulldog, this news is awesome.  We are extremely proud of your accomplishments and wish you every success on your collegiate journey at Florida Southern starting September 2011!!

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Be The Best.

Tall Long Pour Americano with room.

Yep.  That’s my usual at ‘rhymes with Moonshucks’ coffee house.

If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend.  The long pour pulls more coffee out of the shot and provides that crema foam.  But enough about coffee…for now.

Last week, we took a nice long walk to one of the local coffee shops for this exact drink and my Better Half’s double tall latte.

In front of us in the line-up was a Dad pulling a big red plastic wagon with his two sons probably aged 4ish and 2ish waiting patiently.  Here’s how boys wait patiently.  A little pushing, a little poking, and a little talking (ok, grunting).

I watched them as Dad gathered the drinks and sat down, somehow managing to steer that wagon through the tables and chairs.  One of the boys slurped too quickly on his milk straw and sort jumped in surprise.  Dad laughed and soon they were all laughing and you could see this Dad drinking it all in…literally.  Coffee and time with his kids.

At first I felt a pang of sadness knowing that those times with Chris on this earth are complete.

But then an interesting thing happened.  I felt an amazing sense of happiness and privilege for each and every moment I had with my two sons as they grew up.  We had so many moments just like that Dad was having with his sons.  Goofy stuff.  Like the time I took an old half rotted wooden trampoline frame, cut out the bad parts and put the rest up in a tree as a tree fort.  Working around the yard together.  Trips, sports and just having a snack.

I am so very grateful.

That Dad didn’t know it…but he was having an experience that money can never buy.  His coffee may have had room too…room for a whole lot of memories that will last him a lifetime.

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Be The Best.

Alexa and the power of love.

If you live in the Vancouver area you’ve heard the story of Alexa Middalaer, the 4 year old who died in May 2008 after being struck by a vehicle driven by a driver who had been drinking.  Alex and her aunt were feeding a horse at the side of the road. (source: Province Newspaper page A4, Tues, Nov 9, 2010)

This post is not about blame, courts or sentencing issues.

It’s about the parents of Alexa.

You may have seen Laurel, Alexa’s Mom, and Michael, Alexa’s Dad in the media over the past two years.  They have honoured their daughter by giving and creating.  If you haven’t been there before, check the family’s website.  It’s an amazing tribute and they have given others (like us) an example of how to be proactive.

I’ve wondered a few times how they could be so strong.

Their quotes in the Province today shows that incredible ‘polar balance’ of positive and negative emotion and energy that pumps through your body 24-7 after your lives change forever.

“‘In truth, I stand before you today an inherently broken and gutted soul.” – Alexa’s Dad Michael

“Now we are merely shells of what we were before.” – Alexa’s Mom Laurel

Powerful words from such strong people.

But wait.  Laurel also states, “God, do I miss her. But I live each day by choice. I have to.”

I read that sentence and almost dumped my bowl of corn flakes…(and almond milk).

We are living each day by choice too.

The Middelaers for their beautiful Alexa.

The Friesens for their amazing Chris.

And thousands more for their loved ones.

As we head towards Remembrance Day, we stand with all those Canadian families who have lost loved ones in the service of our amazing country or illness or tragedy.

And then we choose to live on in their memories using their passion to fuel us, one day at a time…one decision at a time.

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Be The Best.

I don’t have time…

The best time to plant a tree is yesterday…the second best time is today.

I totally don’t have time to write this blog post, but I can’t go three days without posting!

I don’t know how many times in the past 7 months I have said to myself, I don’t have time to do these push-ups today.  Too rushed, too late, etc.  For the majority of the times I’ve thought that, the next step has been to get down on the floor and start pushing up!

In the time I could take to talk myself out of them, I’ve completed my 50 and I’m on my way.  I guess tonight’s blog is the same.  Crazy week, computer issues, etc.

Stop whining and start writing!

Yesterday was a very good day and a very bittersweet day.  We had a wonderful Big Info session at BCIT where 2900 people were on campus exploring their educational and career options.  A fantastic success.  The bittersweet part was seeing so many parents and their sons there.  Of course I thought of Chris 2900 times as I helped people with their questions.  I thought of his career path, goals and desires.  As it turned out, Max came down for the event and it was excellent to see him and have him exploring some longer term goals.  Very cool.

Happy.  Sad.  Good.  Bad.  Quite the recipe.

But in the end, the fulfillment of seeing the light go on with students is what makes this career so rewarding.  We will remind ourselves that Chris’ educational legacy at Simon Fraser University will help propel students to achieve their dreams every year starting this coming January…and that will go on forever.

I choose to end this discussion on that high note tonight!

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Be The Best.

Dancing Under the Gallows

This video is amazing.

AC sent it my way and I couldn’t stop watching it.

It features Alice, an amazing 106 year old survivor of the Holocaust.

The music is amazing.  The story is amazing.

Her words are incredibly powerful.

Do you hate?  No.  Hate only produces hate.

Alice, I learned a few things watch you.

I strongly urge you to invest the 12 minutes and watch this.

It will change you.

Click this link to get there.

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Be The Best.

The Fall – guest blog by Rev. Jake…aka Dad

As many of you know and have read here, my Dad, Jake Friesen, went through two surgeries in Sept and is now recouping at home.  Not one to stay down, he and Mom continue to be wonderfully positive even during some very challenging days.

I bugged Dad last week that his state of medical recovery may have kept him away from some sermons and meetings that he leads.  I suggested that he could write something for this blog and I would share it.

I didn’t expect something this deep, powerful, emotional, wonderful and poignant.  I should have known better.

Here’s my Dad, Rev. Jake Friesen and ‘The Fall’.

————–

The ‘FALL’ (September, 2010)

In the Spring came the Fall, ill-timed and out of season.

A young man, scarcely adult, is cut down in the flower of his dreams.

That is not the end of the story, thank God.

Jesus, the Font of Life, is cut down in Spring.

But death cannot contain Him: He is raised to new life, a life He passes on to all who belong to Him and love Him.

Fall is nature’s way of shutting down, admittedly with a burst of color.

We get older, we shrivel, our bodies stumble, we die.

Yet every fading energy drives us forward to the hope of a renewed body promised us by the One Who created these bodies in the first place.

(Years back, when Max & Chris were little, we were ‘farm-sitting’ in Matsqui and had the boys visit us overnight. We treated them to some male quartet music, including the song, “I’ll have a new body; I’ll have a new life”. Somehow the boys, and specially Chris, latched onto that song, and got very excited about it. Little did we dream he would be applying for that new body so soon…)

We give thanks to the One who allowed The Fall to challenge Him in the Spring-time, so that He might become the Rescuer of all who would be touched by the Fall, whenever in their lifetime…