Tag: New Normal

Categories
Be The Best.

2, 32, 41

No, those are not a sequence of numbers uttered by a football quarterback.

Those are jersey numbers Chris wore and was known for.

#2 in Langley.

#32 for Burnaby Mountain Selects

#41 proudly representing the great province of British Columbia

Tomorrow, March 25, is quite a day.

One year ago we lost our son.

Not a day or hour goes by without a thought of him.  Most hours the thoughts continue minute by minute.

We have found a place for people to come and remember Chris.

His ashes will remain forever at the Langley Lawn Cemetery at 208 and 44th.

It’s a beautiful place with 6 granite memorial walls in a stand of trees near 208th avenue.

When we went to view the walls, we found that two of the six walls were dedicated to individuals and four to couples.

One was called Maple and one was called Dogwood.

Wouldn’t you know it, Maple 32 was available as was Dogwood 41.

Maple 32 is amazing because the BMS logo is a Maple Leaf.

Dogwood 41 is amazing because Dogwood is the provincial flower and 41 was the number Chris wore for the province when he played at the Nationals in 2009.

Because of a few logistical reasons, we’ve chosen Dogwood 41 as the final resting place.

It’s a beautiful place to go.

Our family will be there tomorrow, joined a bit later by a few of Chris’ friends.  We wanted to show them personally where they can go to remember Chris so that they in turn can show others.

The journey continues, but this is a huge step for us.

I know my Dad in the ICU in Vernon is with us in spirit as is my Mom from Vernon and other family that can’t be with us personally. (health update: Dad is inching forward…very slow, but steady right now which is good)

Although tomorrow is a day for family and Chris’ close friends, we welcome anyone over the next weeks and months to stop by and spend a few minutes in thought about how passionately Chris lived his life and how he was determined to Be The Best.

I’ll never forget him writing down the goal of making the A1 Langley Thunder Lacrosse team.

I’ve never seen a kid so driven to achieve that goal.  He made it.  It was amazing.

Thanks for your continued support and all the thoughts and prayers coming our way this week.

We feel it!

PS

At 2:32 and 41 seconds, we will be looking up at the sky and saying hi to Chris.

If you want to take a quick look up at the sky at any time tomorrow and say hi to Chris, please do!  I know he would love it.  Dad…that’s you too!!  I know you can see the sky from your hospital bed!!

PPS

This blog has never been about money and never will be, but some people have asked what else they can do.  We will continue to give to Chris’ fund every year via Simon Fraser University’s giving program.  It’s a way to remember Chris and also challenge a new athlete every year to Be The Best.  The University has just set up a direct link for Chris’ fund.  They handle all donation receipts etc directly.  Here’s the link.

Categories
Be The Best.

Silver skies and Silver stars.

Medical update: My sister Grace was discharged from hospital and is home. Great news! Dad continues in ICU. He had a stable day and Docs are cautiously optimistic.  Things will continue to be day by day.  THANKS for all the continued thoughts and prayers and connections as we travel these interesting roads!

I can’t come up to Vernon without thinking about skiing.  A couple of weeks back when we went up the hill before the medical issues escalated.  It was a fantastic time for a number of reasons.  I had a great day with Max and his girlfriend Kiera, I was able to ski on Dad’s skis and have them navigate the mountain on his behalf as he couldn’t be there in person this season.  The last reason was one that I haven’t written about before.

Remember back in the day when you had those wire things that held day passes that you would attach to your jacket?  I would wear those with honour, building them up 1, 2, 5, 10 of them to prove how much skiing had taken place and the mountains conquered.  I guess old habits don’t change too much as I took out my ski jacket for this recent trip and noticed I had a few tags still on my jacket.  The one that stood out was Jan 1, 2010.  We had gone to Silverstar with Chris and a buddy for a few days of snow activity.  It was an awesome trip.  I hadn’t skied since then.  This year’s trip was for Max (and Kiera!), Dad and Chris.

It was awesome.  Here’s a little vid action with a shout out to Chris included.

There will be much more on Chris and remembrance as we head towards next Friday which of course marks one year since he passed away.

Categories
Be The Best.

Hope is an action word.

What is hope?

It’s a noun.

It’s a verb.

It’s actually both.

That being said, any way you use it, I’ll argue that hope is an action word.

What do I mean?

Hope may be a state of mind or the expression of a state of being but when hope is combined with action…it truly is an action word.  I hope for a great future.  How am I making that future happen?

This past weekend, a trail on private land was dedicated to Chris’ memory.

The name of the trail…Hope Trail.

Totally love it.

Chris’ story is one of sadness sure…but it is also oozing with hope.

This trail leading down from a beautiful Valley property to the river below is not for the timid.  It’s a tough trail fit for a hard training athlete doing the equivalent of bleacher runs as Chris would do many times.

What is hope?  Hope is a massive tree crashing down in a windstorm and then the thought, desire and action to cut the barrier in pieces to get the trail through.  Hope is not seeing a cliff, but seeing a trail…

Steve addresses the assembled at the trail dedication...(ok, I think he was telling a joke)

Hope Trail.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Many thanks to Steve and Evy Klassen (Steve spoke at Chris’ funeral) and their family for this amazing remembrance for Chris.

Be The Best!

Categories
Be The Best.

The best day ever.

There has been an ongoing little joke in our family for years.

My Dad is a pretty positive guy especially when it comes to stuff like ping-pong, tennis and skiing.

The joke is that if you’d ask him how his day was on the slopes for example, he would always say…GREAT, the best ever.

Each trip, it seems, would outdo the previous.

Now where it got funny was we knew some of the days weren’t that great.  If you’ve skied in a minus 20 degree day of an Okanagan winter or the liquid snow of Hemlock Valley or the driving sleet of a December day on Mt. Baker you know what I mean.

On those days if you asked him how his day had been he’d say…GREAT, one of the best ever!

Notice the subtle difference?

On this Saturday, having survived a very tough Thursday night and sensitive emergency surgery, he noted to my sisters Grace and Val that this was one of his BEST WEEKENDS EVER.  He was indeed very alive and got to spend it with his bride…and of course a couple of his kids.

Interesting perspective…and I love it.

That’s a hospital bed BE THE BEST moment direct from the ICU.

Nice work Dad.  We’ll call that your living sermon for this week and give you the day off tomorrow!

Categories
Be The Best.

Rice Krispy Squares and Cleaning House

It was a long day at work.  A good day, but long.

Leaving the campus just after 8pm, we settled in for the 35 minute commute.

Ingrid handed me a wrapped package.  Rice Krispy Squares, homemade by you know who, she said.

I knew.  I won’t publicize here, because I don’t want anyone else encroaching on my secret Rice Krispy Square baker!

They were fantastic.  My friends and colleagues know my weakness for Rice Krispy Squares.  Ok, it’s an addiction really, not a weakness.

It brought back many memories tonight.  I don’t think we cooked a meal that we had to prepare for a month after Chris passed away.  It was an amazing way that people told/showed us they were supporting us.

When we got home tonight, our house was sparkling clean, just like every Wednesday.  That’s when the cleaners come.  Except, we’ve never hired cleaners.  Another anonymous (yes, we are pretty sure we know!) supporter has organized weekly cleaning for the past year.  We are amazed, humbled and grateful for these things.

There was a situation at work today where colleagues were discussing a family situation in which there was an unexpected and severe illness of a spouse of a colleague in their department.  I provided the example of the cleaning and how much it has affected us in a positive way as an idea for consideration to answer the constant question of what can we do to help.

My sister Grace last night talked about the flower delivery person showing up at her door on the 1st anniversary of her husband’s passing and suggesting it was her lucky day.

Thankfully, those kind of interactions have been very very few and far between.

Instead we have been blessed again and again with thots, prayers and actions of support…like Rice Krispy Squares and a clean house!

Categories
Be The Best.

What’s the future?

December 2009.

I had been contacted by a writer to answer some questions for a profile on a blog/website.

I hadn’t reread this until last week when circumstances caused me to find it in my sent file.

This was only 3 months before we lost Chris.

Obviously there is some irony in the answers…looking forward to the future, kids in college etc.

However…and it’s a BIG HOWEVER, the core of these answers remains as true today as the 2009 December evening on which they were written

The questions are not mine.  The answers are…and I stand by each one even today as we journey forward.

We don’t know our exact futures, but I do believe we can know why we do what we do.

We can know what’s important to us.

Here’s an exact word for word excerpt with professional/education/work related questions and answers removed for the sake of brevity.

—————————-

What is your proudest accomplishment?
My family. Through the ups and downs of babies, young kids and now young men (18 and 16), my wife and I are seeing our boys begin their adult journeys that we believe will help change the world positively through their actions and relationships.  My family is truly my greatest accomplishment and everything else to me is icing on the cake!

What is your foremost passion?
Creating art with music, watercolour and people.  I used to think my passions and hobbies were very diverse and perhaps they are, but the core is very similar.  I find myself again and again playing the role of a conductor, arranger, or producer.  With music and art, I mix music tracks or colours…each on their own telling only part of the story, but absolutely integral to the story.  The same is true for my management style, I believe.  Each person and relationship is integral to the overall success of the department, division or organization.  When you have the different components working together, that is when you have achieved a song, painting or highly functional working environment.

What are three random things no one knows about you?
That I have a music album on jamendo.com
I used to clean carpets for a living
I will squash you at ping pong

What do you want people to know about you that they don’t already?
My masters thesis centered on the topic of the interplay between change management and knowledge management. What? Yah, I didn’t understand it much either.  I’ve worked a lot in the area of change in my career.  I’ve found that we (managers, business owners) often underestimate the human element and the human power when change is present.  Relationships are the key to everything.  You can systemize, model, and even lead, but ultimately if the people are not ready and willing to come with you, change will be short lived or non-existent.  I believe we all have a HUGE impact on people’s lives.  Simple words and actions followed with consistent behaviour over time are the real ingredients to successful change.

Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years?
5 years – BCIT classrooms overflowing with students, my clients prospering, my kids solidly in college.
10 years – Readying for early ‘retirement’ from day job to concentrate on writing, teaching, speaking and the arts….oh and wife says we have to go to Europe for 6 months
20 years – 4 months in Hawaii, 8 months in Canada – changing the world, one relationship at a time.

Categories
Be The Best.

An intro to two.

I’m going to intro you to a couple of people that I don’t know.

But..with the world of social media, the web CAN be an amazing place to connect on the journey of the new normal.

The first is Steve Ewen.

I’ve never met him.

He’s a reporter with the Vancouver Province and he’s battling cancer.  It’s a tough battle.  He’s called his blog, ‘I’m sad and mad about getting cancer’.  Actually no…he hasn’t.  His blog is called, Crush the Tumour with Humour.

It’s some amazing stories of someone going through a very tough fight but remaining positive and using humour to negotiate the new normal he and his wife find themselves living.  If I can figure it out, I’ll add it to my ‘links’ section, but here’s a quick direct link if you want to check it out.  Here’s an excerpt from today:

The bad news is that the new stitches in my back has led to our surgeon, Dr. Robert Lee, limiting my arm movements for the next two weeks. The really bad news, at least for the people at G.F. Strong and the general public around King Ed and Laurel in Vancouver, is that they’ve given me a power wheelchair.
Oh. Mercy. Think of the havoc I can cause with a motor and wheels?

Keep rockin it Steve!

The second link is from Gillian Berg, the Mission mom who lost her husband and father of their four children at Christmas.  Her writing is deep, spiritual and an amazing work of strength and vulnerability rolled into one.  An excerpt from her latest:

Last night, as my daughter asked for help, begged for prayers that would take her fear away, the fear that something else might happen, the fear that she is still in danger, I realized again that like the work needed to heal the physical wounds, there was going to be gruelling work needed to heal the emotional ones.

We, each one of us, will have to choose to stand slowly, painfully upon the limbs of our broken dreams; to endure the attacks of relentless discouragement of working towards something new; to fight for something better, something healthier.

To Steve and Gillian I would say, we all haven’t chosen our situations.  It happened.  Life happens. There is no big answer to the ‘why’ question….at least not one that may be evident in this lifetime.  We”ll simply stand with you on your journey of the new normal as so many have and are standing with us.  This is a link to the first time the term ‘the new normal’ entered our lexicon.  It’s been a fixture ever since.

Categories
Be The Best.

If you like sunsets, you’re in luck.

I can’t tell you how many sunsets I took in last year through the months of April, May, June, July and August.

They were like medicine for me.  Whether it was the feeling of the closing of a day is the reminder of a new one to come, the powerful display of dark and light with the clouds or simply getting a little glimpse of life beyond this earth and a connection with Chris.  All of those and more.

As we all know our Vancouver weather doesn’t provide us with too many great sunsets between Oct and March and so Ingrid and I set off to find some.

If sunsets bore you, close your browser now!  If you like em, here’s a few that happened this past week…so they’re ‘fresh’!

PS You can click on each pic to see a larger view. Feel free to use or share.

Categories
Be The Best.

Space shuttles and family crisis?

SVG version of PNG Space Shuttle Logo/Patch.
Image via Wikipedia

I read and watched with interest the recent news stories about Mark Kelly, the NASA astronaut and husband of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  Congresswoman Giffords is showing how amazingly strong she is by continuing to improve at a rapid rate from an assassination attempt a mere month ago.

The recent news that I’m writing about here is Kelly’s announcement that he is continuing with his shuttle mission.  Questions arose about how he could focus on such an incredibly difficult mission while his wife is recovering from a life threatening event and the trauma surrounding that situation.

Quoting from an Associated Press article on Feb 8,

“The key word there is being able to compartmentalize things,” he said.

Putting aside problems and feelings in little boxes and zeroing in on the tough task at hand — compartmentalizing — is what astronauts, military officers, firefighters, surgeons and presidents do all the time. It’s a good coping technique that works, especially for people like Kelly who is dealing with a family crisis, psychologists say.

You can read the full article here. It’s very interesting and it’s safe to say this is an extraordinary family and we wish the Governor a very speedy recovery and Commander Kelly a stellar and safe mission.

A psychology professor is quoted at the end of the article with his viewpoint.

In some ways people who “are very successful and high achievers” generally feel better because of this well-honed compartmentalizing skills, said Virgil Zeigler-Hill, a University of Southern Mississippi psychology professor. But they also can pay a big price later with an emotional rebound that can hit hard.

“It’s kind of a roller coaster,” he said.

That is probably what I found the most interesting.

Compartmentalizing is what gets these astronauts through a crisis scenario, but the ’emotional rebound’ can be significant.  I’m sure that point could be countered by other psychology professors and of course the journalist is doing their job by getting both sides of the issue.

As I relate this back to what we’ve been through as a family and many of you with us who knew and loved Chris and quite frankly for those who have only got to know him through this blog…I think some of the best advice we received was to not completely compartmentalize or to completely melt into the thoughts of loss.

I’m not a doctor, but I can say this from experience that spending too much time with the thoughts of loss is simply overwhelming and not sustainable.  Spending no time there…ie, complete compartmentalization is also a no-go in the longterm.  I see compartmentalization as a key tool to continue to move forward, but to do so without spending time thinking and grieving and processing could produce long-term negative side effects.  This blog has been a significant tool for me.  Daily for over 100 days and multiple times per week since then, I have put thoughts to words and words to ‘paper’ via the blog.  That has been a strong emotional connection to the healing process and a strong counter balance to the compartmentalization that is also a vital part of continuing to operate at a high level professionally.

Again, it appears that balance is the key.  A radical balance perhaps.

I’m guessing if you ever had a private conversation with Mark Kelly, he’d let you know he was compartmentalizing for now, but fully prepared to deal with the events of his personal life post mission.

Even for those of us not flying space shuttles for a living, there’s some interesting thoughts here and I’m convinced as ever we can continue to learn from diverse and unexpected sources…like space shuttle commanders!

Categories
Be The Best.

The one minute video recap.

I had forgotten about some quick vid shots that Max and I had taken during the Maple Leaf Award dinner.

The one minute video recap is below.

As mentioned, Scott Rintoul from Team 1040 radio did a great job emceeing the event and it was great to meet him in person.

As a shameless BCIT plug, he’s a fantastic ambassador for the broadcasting programs (radio, journalism, tv) and we’re sure proud to have him as one of our Alumni.  For those readers of this blog who are making education and career decisions in the next few years (or parents), BCIT has an excellent Big Info night coming up on March 2.  I just double checked the weblink and my staff have put a very freaky looking picture of yours truly up on a vid that gives you a run-through of the event.  Ok…why am I telling you all this?  Of course, I love BCIT and what it does for people’s lives, but education of ALL FORMS is so critical to provide choice, options and opportunities for the future.  These sessions simply open up eyes and brains to a bigger understanding of what kind of possibilities exist in the world of education.  On a personal level, that’s a BIG DEAL for us as parents and I believe for us as a province and country as well.  Ok, enough already, I’m stepping down from the soapbox…!

The last frame of the Maple Leaf video is a picture of the quilt that was made for us by one of my BCIT staff colleagues in Marketing, Kim.  That became an instant family heirloom and something that we treasure at a very deep level.  It seemed fitting for Chris’ 32 to show at the end of this clip surrounded by his BMS teammates. The side of the quilt shown in the vid is made entirely of Burnaby Mountain Select jersies that were brought to Chris’ funeral as a sign of respect, honour and friendship at Chris’ funeral.

To see more about the quilt, you can read/view: 7 days to write about a quilt and then link to other quilt blogs.  For a while there I thought this was going to become a full-time quilting blog but thankfully I left that to quilting professionals.

As we move forward from the Maple Leaf Awards 2011 and the initial Chris Friesen Memorial Award, we are excited think about the thousands of dollars to be awarded in the future and more importantly the opportunity to inspire and challenge young men and women each year to BE THE BEST.

Here’s the vid: