Tag: grief

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Be The Best.

Now that was something.

AC (Cathy AJ Hardy) put on her CD release concert last night.

It was great to see so many people there including many blog readers!

I hate it when your little sister can make you cry, but the song she sang for Chris last night melted the pieces of my heart.

Ingrid and I recently met with a strong woman who had experienced the loss of her son over a decade ago.

The first thing I noticed about her was her eyes.  Determined.  Deep.  Questioning but peaceful.

I loved that presence.

Sure, there were unanswered questions, but that same theme came up as it has again and again.

She had made choices about her future as she moved forward.

AC’s concert was all about the journey.

It was all about making decisions even though the path wasn’t always clear.

Generally speaking we’ll never have all the data to make ‘perfect’ decisions.

We simply continue to choose and move forward toward our goal.

Here’s a few pics.

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Be The Best.

Kick that.

The Karate Kid
Image via Wikipedia

Have you seen that Karate Kid movie?

I haven’t…but I watched a preview, read a review and someone talked to me about it so I pretty much have…

I did see the first generation of films in the 80’s, and I know the 2010 film garnered a lot of solid positive reviews.

It was watching the preview bits on a Blue-Ray disc though that really caught my eye and ear.

The Mr. Han character (the amazing Jackie Chan) states ‘Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to stand back up.’

You can see it here at about 49 seconds in.

Life will knock us down…but we can CHOOSE to get back up.

There’s that word again!!

During a week like this where for whatever reasons the feelings of loss are amplified, we continue to choose.

Rock your weekend.

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Be The Best.

Anyone ever give you a pig?

So I got a pig a couple of weeks back.

Yup, a pig.

Now, not a real live pig, but a real pig just the same.

I love the pig.

In fact, he now has a home right beside my computer where most of these blog posts are written.

To understand the pig, you must see the pig.  Notice anything different about this pig?  If you said it’s made of wood, that’s a good start.  It has a ribbon around its neck.  Good.  Perhaps the wings on the pig’s back?  YES….with tongue firmly in cheek…if you said, this pig had wings, THAT is exactly what is different than most traditional pigs…wooden or otherwise.

The coolest thing about this pig however, is the medal it is wearing around his neck.

It says, Believe pigs can fly And they will grow wings.

I LOVE THAT!

Sometimes to conquer what seems like insurmountable odds, something very special needs to occur.

Occasionally pigs need to grow wings.

I love this pig.

Thanks ‘you know who you are’ for giving it to me and reminding us all about the power of believing the impossible.

Love it.

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Be The Best.

Balloons are fun?

I needed to get some balloons for the cemetery on Friday.

See any words that don’t sort of go together already?

So, I ‘googled’ dutifully and found a great supplier nearby…’Balloons-R-Fun’.  Seriously!?

I actually had a good telephone chat with the small biz owner and suggested she might change her business name as she told me how often she helps people with memorial situations.

Maybe something like, ‘Balloons-R-Fun and Maybe-They-R-Not-That-Fun’…or something like that.

In any event, she was very kind and Max picked up 20 helium filled balloons that afternoon.

One thing one should do when releasing balloons is check the wind conditions.  We had other things on our minds so when we released the first batch of balloons at 2:32 and 41 seconds, they flew right up into the big tree above Chris’ Dogwood wall.

What was actually very cool was Ethan’s balloon, which was the only one with a written message on it, got ‘stuck’ on the end of a branch out above the wall.  It was sort of like it was saying a special hello.  Ethan later sent off another balloon which you see in the video.  He’s wearing Chris’ Johns Hopkins lacrosse hoodie which is a lifetime classic and now proudly owned by Ethan.

Things got even more interesting when Chris’ friends let go of the four balloons we had left an hour or so later.  I didn’t realize what had happened until I saw the video later.  Three of the four balloons stay together and the fourth balloon is also moving upward, just slightly separated.

Pretty powerful symbolism.

Perhaps Balloons-r-Fun…or at least symbolic…

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Be The Best.

How to make today great.

Chris and Max jump the California surf (summer 2009)

I slept pretty well, but woke up early…like 4am early.

Is that an oxymoronish statement?  Maybe…but it’s an interesting insight into our world.

I did sleep well, just not all that long.

Today is not necessarily a great day…or is it?

Obviously as we mark one year to the day that we lost Chris there are a lot of emotions flowing through our minds and bodies.  We wish so deeply we could give him a real hug and see him again here on earth.  But we can’t.

But we can continue to make choices.  We can continue to live with a strong purpose.  We can use Chris’ passion to fuel us on our journeys.  We can continue to strive to Be The Best in everything we do.

Here’s three things that can help make today great.

1. Hug someone you love today.  (if you’re at work, make sure this isn’t an awkward moment..!!) 😉

2. Give something away. (not money…I’m talking about a smile, your expertise, a compliment, word of encouragement)

3. Live on purpose with purpose. This is the core of the Be The Best thinking.

Is today going to be hard? Probably…they all are.

Is today going to be great? With every ‘I’m the Captain of my Soul’ ounce of energy I have, I will keep making decisions all day long to make this day as great as possible.  One of the ‘greatest ever’.

(To understand that last paragraph you need to reference the Invictus blogs and The Best Day Ever blog)

Sort of makes saying, ‘Have a Great Day!’ a little deeper doesn’t it?

I THANK all of you for your support reading this blog and your thoughts and prayers throughout this year.

Be The Best.

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Be The Best.

2, 32, 41

No, those are not a sequence of numbers uttered by a football quarterback.

Those are jersey numbers Chris wore and was known for.

#2 in Langley.

#32 for Burnaby Mountain Selects

#41 proudly representing the great province of British Columbia

Tomorrow, March 25, is quite a day.

One year ago we lost our son.

Not a day or hour goes by without a thought of him.  Most hours the thoughts continue minute by minute.

We have found a place for people to come and remember Chris.

His ashes will remain forever at the Langley Lawn Cemetery at 208 and 44th.

It’s a beautiful place with 6 granite memorial walls in a stand of trees near 208th avenue.

When we went to view the walls, we found that two of the six walls were dedicated to individuals and four to couples.

One was called Maple and one was called Dogwood.

Wouldn’t you know it, Maple 32 was available as was Dogwood 41.

Maple 32 is amazing because the BMS logo is a Maple Leaf.

Dogwood 41 is amazing because Dogwood is the provincial flower and 41 was the number Chris wore for the province when he played at the Nationals in 2009.

Because of a few logistical reasons, we’ve chosen Dogwood 41 as the final resting place.

It’s a beautiful place to go.

Our family will be there tomorrow, joined a bit later by a few of Chris’ friends.  We wanted to show them personally where they can go to remember Chris so that they in turn can show others.

The journey continues, but this is a huge step for us.

I know my Dad in the ICU in Vernon is with us in spirit as is my Mom from Vernon and other family that can’t be with us personally. (health update: Dad is inching forward…very slow, but steady right now which is good)

Although tomorrow is a day for family and Chris’ close friends, we welcome anyone over the next weeks and months to stop by and spend a few minutes in thought about how passionately Chris lived his life and how he was determined to Be The Best.

I’ll never forget him writing down the goal of making the A1 Langley Thunder Lacrosse team.

I’ve never seen a kid so driven to achieve that goal.  He made it.  It was amazing.

Thanks for your continued support and all the thoughts and prayers coming our way this week.

We feel it!

PS

At 2:32 and 41 seconds, we will be looking up at the sky and saying hi to Chris.

If you want to take a quick look up at the sky at any time tomorrow and say hi to Chris, please do!  I know he would love it.  Dad…that’s you too!!  I know you can see the sky from your hospital bed!!

PPS

This blog has never been about money and never will be, but some people have asked what else they can do.  We will continue to give to Chris’ fund every year via Simon Fraser University’s giving program.  It’s a way to remember Chris and also challenge a new athlete every year to Be The Best.  The University has just set up a direct link for Chris’ fund.  They handle all donation receipts etc directly.  Here’s the link.

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Be The Best.

My 3, no 4 kids.

I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I knew Dad was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).

I knew my sister Grace was in the ICU.

I ‘knew’ it, but I didn’t ‘know’ it if that makes any sense.

It was sort of inconceivable that two family members would land in the ICU.

Grace is recovering from a heart attack last weekend and is doing well all things considered.  We spent a lot of time together today and she is grateful and thankful and will make a very strong recovery with the help of her Doctors and her family.

We moved from Grace’s room to Dad’s room, just around the corner in the ICU.

At one point Val (my 2nd oldest sister) and Cathy (AC, the youngest sister) held Dad’s hand and I stood at the foot of his bed.

Cathy said something like ‘Dad, you’ve got your three kids here…isn’t that great’?

Dad without skipping a beat said, ‘No, I have four.  Grace is here too.’

Yes…Dad was right on.  All four of his kids were there.  Val, Cathy and Randy in the room and Grace just around the corner in a room of her own!

After a bit of conversation Dad dropped this nugget as we talked about life in general.

‘Life is too short not to live the dream’.

WOW.

That’s some deep stuff.

Thanks Dad.

That’s a Be The Best moment.

Yes, life IS too short not to live the dream.

Love it.

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Be The Best.

I need a laugh…

Not too much is funny right now.

Dad is fighting away in ICU and Grace is a few doors down on the road to recovery.

That being said, the gift of laughter, even on our darkest days has been like rays of sunshine in a dark place.

Maybe Chris knew we needed a little laugh this week too.

I was scrambling for some business cards in an office drawer that I don’t use too much when I noticed a couple of sheets of paper.  I pulled them out and looked at them.  They were photocopies of a picture that Chris had drawn for me when he was about 11 or 12 I think.

Jim Mitchell, my very good friend, mentor and colleague at BCIT (now retired…way too young I might add), was like a big brother to me.  Which meant we had lots of laughs and played lots of sports etc.  There was the odd wrestling match or other show of strength.

These sports stories would often become part of dinner conversation.  One night I asked Chris if he would draw a picture of me beating up Jim….just for fun.  I was half joking, but Chris got out his pencil and went to work.

He created the masterpiece you see below.

I laughed so hard then and I laughed again this week when this picture resurfaced.

At the time I quickly made 20 copies because I knew Jim would probably just rip them up as he found them.

Chris loved Jim too.  When Jim saw either of the boys he would stretch out his hand and get them to slap it as hard as they could and say…“That’s all you got??” And then repeat until their hands would sting so hard they would stop.  As Chris got older he loved those interactions, and I think I even saw Jim wince once…..

(but he’ll probably deny it)

Jim, you’re a great friend and I think Chris wanted us to have a little laugh this week…even if it was at your expense.  You gotta admit, I look pretty good in this picture.

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Be The Best.

I see you.

I turned to one of my favourite poems this week.  Ok, I only know a few poems and most start with Roses are Red and Violets are Blue, so maybe this doesn’t count, but I love that Invictus poem that you’ve seen here before.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

There is something so empowering in that text.  The mindset of continuing to make decisions about my own outlook despite whatever comes my way…that is the power of that poem to me.  I am the captain of my soul.

My sister Grace who lives in Vernon and was very active in helping with Mom and Dad suffered a heart attack this past weekend.  What? Really? Yes…out of the blue.

Ironically, she is in the ICU just a couple of doors down from Dad.

He continues to fight hard, but is up and down.

Mom wrote an email yesterday that made us laugh at the visuals of Dad being encouraged to walk with the aid of a walker, going down the hall in the ICU and stopping at Grace’s door and saying Hi Grace!  I called her on her cell and laughed with her too at that story.

We are scared to ask, what next?

Grace is doing pretty good and under excellent medical care as is Dad.

I see you.

ICU.

Yup, I’ll see you in the ICU.

I said to Mom that this was like our own personal tsunami sort of.  These forces of nature pounding our family at this point.  Of course our hearts go out to the families in Japan coping with loss from the real earthquake and tsunami and we wish them the strong HOPE for recovery and the future as discussed yesterday.

For our family, we will continue to regroup, rethink, revise and re-engineer as we move forward.

Dad and Grace…get ready for some hospital scrabble this weekend.

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Be The Best.

Chair 32

We spent the weekend at Silver Star in BC’s amazing interior.

If you’ve never been, go.  It’s beautiful.  For families it’s amazing.  Skating ponds, tube town, all levels of boarding and skiing…the works.

Silver Star village centre

Max, his girlfriend Kiera and me spent the day boarding and skiing.  After lunch Kiera and Ingrid relaxed at the condo while Max and I explored the mountain.

We went up a lift we loved skiing in the past with Grandpa (my Dad), Chris and Max.

As we sat down, it was just the two of us on a 4 seater chair.  I’m not sure why, but I looked up at the chair number.  32.

The numbers 2, 32 and 41 are hugely significant for us.

They are all displayed on his jerseys at home.  The number 2 from Langley, 32 from BMS and 41 from the National Team.

Max and I rode that chair 4 more times and the numbers weren’t even close to any of the above.

Fluke? Chance? Just circumstance?

It could be, but these kinds of things happen with the most interesting of timing…and this isn’t the first time.

We ask fewer questions and just accept that in those moments we connect with Chris in a special way.

In this case, I couldn’t help but shoot some video.

Christian, we loved boarding and skiing with you yesterday, even if it was a bit different than before!