This is a bit of a different one. This is taken with a lousy Blackberry phone, but I loved the sun screaming across the field and shining on a wall.
The field is a cemetery and the wall is Chris’ wall. Dogwood #41.
Every time we go to the cemetery it is a special moment for lack of a better word.
We get that Chris’ spirit doesn’t live there.
But that being said, it’s becoming a very cool place to connect with Chris and all the love, emotions, hopes, desires, proud moments, sad moments, lost future, and hope of a future to come.
Here’s a little peek at that world.
View from Chris' wall looking out across the cemetery field at the setting sun.View of Chris' wall with his white rose (from his Mom) and paper marker as we await his brass name plate. Love the sun hitting the wall in the latter part of the day.
Those words combined with Max’s handwritten comments almost distracted Ingrid totally from my present of gift cards from the gas station. (…now you don’t think I’m THAT dumb do you?…WAIT…don’t answer that.)
Here’s something else that’s a little fun.
I put this card in front of me to write this post and realized that MOM upside down is WOW.
I’ll tell you something.
When this Mom’s life got turned upside down this past year…she was WOW.
Incredibly gracious.
Incredibly kind.
Incredibly loving.
Incredibly considerate.
Incredibly broken but somehow strong as we’ve moved together along this path of our new world.
‘Happy’ Birthday.
Yes. I’m happy to celebrate who you are and what you mean to our sons, our families, our workplace, our friends and all the other people you’ve connected with on this journey.
I would not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.
I knew Dad was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).
I knew my sister Grace was in the ICU.
I ‘knew’ it, but I didn’t ‘know’ it if that makes any sense.
It was sort of inconceivable that two family members would land in the ICU.
Grace is recovering from a heart attack last weekend and is doing well all things considered. We spent a lot of time together today and she is grateful and thankful and will make a very strong recovery with the help of her Doctors and her family.
We moved from Grace’s room to Dad’s room, just around the corner in the ICU.
At one point Val (my 2nd oldest sister) and Cathy (AC, the youngest sister) held Dad’s hand and I stood at the foot of his bed.
Cathy said something like ‘Dad, you’ve got your three kids here…isn’t that great’?
Dad without skipping a beat said, ‘No, I have four. Grace is here too.’
Yes…Dad was right on. All four of his kids were there. Val, Cathy and Randy in the room and Grace just around the corner in a room of her own!
After a bit of conversation Dad dropped this nugget as we talked about life in general.
I’m going to intro you to a couple of people that I don’t know.
But..with the world of social media, the web CAN be an amazing place to connect on the journey of the new normal.
The first is Steve Ewen.
I’ve never met him.
He’s a reporter with the Vancouver Province and he’s battling cancer. It’s a tough battle. He’s called his blog, ‘I’m sad and mad about getting cancer’. Actually no…he hasn’t. His blog is called, Crush the Tumour with Humour.
It’s some amazing stories of someone going through a very tough fight but remaining positive and using humour to negotiate the new normal he and his wife find themselves living. If I can figure it out, I’ll add it to my ‘links’ section, but here’s a quick direct link if you want to check it out. Here’s an excerpt from today:
The bad news is that the new stitches in my back has led to our surgeon, Dr. Robert Lee, limiting my arm movements for the next two weeks. The really bad news, at least for the people at G.F. Strong and the general public around King Ed and Laurel in Vancouver, is that they’ve given me a power wheelchair.
Oh. Mercy. Think of the havoc I can cause with a motor and wheels?
Keep rockin it Steve!
The second link is from Gillian Berg, the Mission mom who lost her husband and father of their four children at Christmas. Her writing is deep, spiritual and an amazing work of strength and vulnerability rolled into one. An excerpt from her latest:
Last night, as my daughter asked for help, begged for prayers that would take her fear away, the fear that something else might happen, the fear that she is still in danger, I realized again that like the work needed to heal the physical wounds, there was going to be gruelling work needed to heal the emotional ones.
We, each one of us, will have to choose to stand slowly, painfully upon the limbs of our broken dreams; to endure the attacks of relentless discouragement of working towards something new; to fight for something better, something healthier.
To Steve and Gillian I would say, we all haven’t chosen our situations. It happened. Life happens. There is no big answer to the ‘why’ question….at least not one that may be evident in this lifetime. We”ll simply stand with you on your journey of the new normal as so many have and are standing with us. This is a link to the first time the term ‘the new normal’ entered our lexicon. It’s been a fixture ever since.
There was a great story in yesterday’s Province Newspaper about Zoe and Bob Longshaw. They’ve been married 65 years and the story of their relationship reads like a slice of history. It’s a great story and I’ve linked it here.
It reminded me of another couple I know who’ve been married over 50 years…I think 55 this September if my memory serves. (If it doesn’t I’m sure my sisters will correct me in short order.) Their names are Jake and Leona Friesen…aka my Mom and Dad.
They were down over Christmas and I had shot some video at Blackie Spit which I had written about at that time, but only put the video clips into a little movie this weekend.
The occasion? A bit of Valentine’s Day and a bit of a birthday…an 80th birthday to be exact.
DAD….HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR FEB 16!
MOM AND DAD…HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
You’ve given your family and so many others a great example of long-lasting relationships.
As has been said many times here, Max and Chris LOVED going to Grandma and Grandpa’s. We are so thankful for all the fantastic memories together.
So with that quick intro, here’s a little peek at a relationship that has stood the test of time.
Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments.
Interesting.
I thought the curved wall going downstairs was a little bare. I mumbled something to Ingrid about wouldn’t it be cool to have a saying written in text on the wall for something different.
Within a few weeks she had researched, ordered and received this vinyl lettering and most importantly picked out this phrase which I hadn’t seen until it went up on the wall.
I love it. I think about it every time I head downstairs.
Are milestones important? Birthdays? Yes. Anniversaries? Yes. Other stuff? (you know what I’m talking about…) Yes.
But really, what’s most important? It truly is the moments.
As we look back at all of our very treasured memories with Chris and Max as they grew up, so many of the amazing times were simply moments that happened! Whether it was a three year old Chris climbing a ladder to see his Dad on the roof (true), or the moments of victory at a lacrosse game or the fun and silly times of picking out a Christmas tree, those moments are like gold.
The one thing you need to make moments happen is time.
I remember as young father thinking about how many Dads didn’t get to know their kids because they were so busy or work schedules that were hard to control etc etc.
I am a very busy Dude, but family was ALWAYS first. Therefore, we made sure we had THOUSANDS of moments.
Those moments are what continue to feed us and help us on our way.
As I was watching that Disneyland video last night I was getting choked up myself. Those moments were so pure, poignant and unanticipated. I think that is truly what makes them special.
Anyhoo…another smart decision by that good wife of mine!
All day long the texts, emails and comments kept rolling in.
We appreciate everything and all of those thoughts and prayers!
The Brookswood gang dropped by in the late afternoon and we had a very unique opportunity to toast Chris.
As I’ve mentioned before, Chris had the ability to eat yogurt without a spoon. He would sort of squish the bottom of the yogurt cup and slurp and drink the yogurt, usually in one ‘fluid’ motion.
We know there are young readers of this blog and as parents we’re not endorsing this form of yogurt consumption! We were just happy Chris and Max would pound back yogurt instead of cake.
In this picture you can see the toast just getting underway. Including yours truly taking the picture, that was an even dozen toasting Chris with a yogurt salute and down the hatch it went.
Ingrid was left wondering how it could be done as she ended up with yogurt in a few places on her face. I know Chris had a laugh at (or with) all of us!
What an amazing day it was.
I’ve got a few more stories to tell you so tune in tomorrow!
We ended the day knowing that Chris would be very, very happy…and we were too. As tough as the day was, it was really incredible.
So many people have told us or emailed us about how they thought of us over Christmas.
I know so many more think of us often and are thinking of us now as we mark what would have been Chris’ 18th birthday tomorrow even if they don’t or can’t tell us.
We are exactly the same way.
We’ve been following the story of the Berg family in Mission and Gillian Berg’s amazing strength and very real highs and lows as she takes care of her family and slowly moves forward with each day.
The reason I say we are the same is that our hearts go out to Gillian and her family, but we don’t know them personally. Our thoughts and prayers are with them, but we haven’t verbalized that to them. For now we will support by reading, caring and praying. Just as we’ve done, she can see by the blog views how so many people are supporting them.
We know that’s what people do for us all the time.
As we approach Chris’ birthday tomorrow, we don’t have any big public events happening. A few of his school buds will drop by. As a family, we’ll head to our favourite steakhouse for a big steak dinner and piece of ice cream cake. Chris was a fitness and health food fanatic, but he would eat steak and ice cream cake…and we’ll have some in his honour tomorrow night.
So the question is always, what can I do? What should I do? I don’t know them very well, or even if I do, I’m not sure what to do.
Here’s the solution.
We’d ask everyone who reads this blog to do some little thing in honour of Chris tomorrow.
Here’s a few ideas.
1. push-ups – even doing one or two in his name would be cool
2. make a toast when you have dinner
3. hug your kids
4. hug your parents
5. eat some yogurt (he would eat probably 4-6 per day)
6. wish him a happy birthday verbally
7. cook some eggs (yep…he ate a LOT of eggs)
There’s a few ways.
I’m sure you can think of more.
Drop us a comment if you want to share.
If you don’t, we totally get it and we want to say thank you for the continued support.
Yep. That’s my usual at ‘rhymes with Moonshucks’ coffee house.
If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend. The long pour pulls more coffee out of the shot and provides that crema foam. But enough about coffee…for now.
Last week, we took a nice long walk to one of the local coffee shops for this exact drink and my Better Half’s double tall latte.
In front of us in the line-up was a Dad pulling a big red plastic wagon with his two sons probably aged 4ish and 2ish waiting patiently. Here’s how boys wait patiently. A little pushing, a little poking, and a little talking (ok, grunting).
I watched them as Dad gathered the drinks and sat down, somehow managing to steer that wagon through the tables and chairs. One of the boys slurped too quickly on his milk straw and sort jumped in surprise. Dad laughed and soon they were all laughing and you could see this Dad drinking it all in…literally. Coffee and time with his kids.
At first I felt a pang of sadness knowing that those times with Chris on this earth are complete.
But then an interesting thing happened. I felt an amazing sense of happiness and privilege for each and every moment I had with my two sons as they grew up. We had so many moments just like that Dad was having with his sons. Goofy stuff. Like the time I took an old half rotted wooden trampoline frame, cut out the bad parts and put the rest up in a tree as a tree fort. Working around the yard together. Trips, sports and just having a snack.
I am so very grateful.
That Dad didn’t know it…but he was having an experience that money can never buy. His coffee may have had room too…room for a whole lot of memories that will last him a lifetime.
Be The Best. 