Tag: one decision at a time

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Be The Best.

Go Canucks!

Maybe a strong GO CANUCKS GO doesn’t fit in a blog about loss, grief and the new normal…but I beg to differ.

I’ve written before about sitting down with Max and Chris watching the Nux getting eliminated from the playoffs by Chicago.  I told them that sick feeling we all had was what it was like being a lifelong Canucks fan.

Sure that was an emotional statement at the time, but ultimately, I still had hope.

Now what I’ve learned about HOPE is that it’s an action word.

So, this season we cheered, watched, joined hockey pools and generally had a great time living the experience with the Canucks.

That brings us to this week.  Due to a friend’s ridiculous schedule and fantastic generosity Max and I ended up with tickets to Game 7 on Tuesday.

I was ecstatic to take Max to that experience.  This pic (lousy blackberry camera) shows the hype and excitement…and that was just the pre-game!

I wanted to wear something from Chris as well.  I chose his shoes.

When Burrows scores a goal he sometimes shoots an arrow into the sky to remember his friend and fellow Canuck, Luc Bourdon, who had died in a motorcycle crash in 2008.

When Burrows scored in overtime on Tuesday night, Rogers Arena erupted like a volcano.

I don’t think Burrows had a chance to shoot his arrow as he was mobbed and crushed in a happy dog pile.

In a previous game, Burrows pays tribute to his friend.

The emotion I felt was incredible.

I remember high-fiving with Max and others fans around, but mostly just holding my arms in the air and screaming like a moron.

In that moment time stopped and I thought of Chris.

I thought about how much he would have loved to see the Canucks slay this dragon and move forward with the playoffs.  I thought about how much I missed sharing that experience with him while at the same time so pumped to be able to share the experience with Max.

I loved standing in Chris’ shoes and drinking in the excitement of the crowd.

Although they couldn’t be there in person, I believe Chris and Luc Bourdon and many other hockey fans were cheering loudly up in their lofty box seats.

Go Nucks Go!!

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Be The Best.

Easter Sunday, and so it begins…v2

I wrote a post with that same title, ‘Easter Sunday, and so it begins’ on Easter Sunday 2010.

Although over a year has passed and we’ve marked a year from Chris passing date and service date, today marks a very important milestone as well.

Since beginning this blog last Easter Sunday, individual blog posts have been read over 127,000 times.

I get that most people still to this day don’t really know what to say or how to say it.  But as therapeutic as writing these posts day after day and week after week has been, it’s been amazing to know that a silent army stands alongside.

I love that.

I read with interest an essay in the Vancouver Sun over morning coffee yesterday.

It was titled, ‘The Biology of hope bolsters Easter’s central message’.  I’ve linked here if you have time to peruse.

I love this little excerpt:

These definitions make clear hope should not be confused with blind optimism.

When we are suffering or fearful, our hopes may often be dim, but they must include reasonable expectation.

Hope is distinguished from mere wishing. We can wish for financial wealth, or a cure for our loved one’s cancer, a dictator to be vanquished or a sudden end to global warming. But sometimes wishes are not realistic.

“Wishing are words and left brain,” Vaillant writes.

“In contrast, hope is made up of images and is rooted in the right brain. Wishing on a star takes no effort. Hope often requires enormous effort and shapes real lives.”

The transcendent quality of hope points to why researchers are coming to realize it is not only an emotion. It is a virtue.

As such, it must be cultivated, especially when times are toughest.

When I wrote the post, ‘Hope is an action word’, Chris’ amazing friend (who’s name is Hope) wrote a fantastic comment.  It simply said, ‘I am Hope’.

Yes you are.  Hope…you are Hope!

If you don’t mind, we are trying to be a little Hope-like ourselves!

The thing that really struck me about this article in the Sun was that in order for Hope to be Hope and not just a wish or dream, is that it required ACTION.

HOPE, DECISIONS, ACTION.

As I said on Friday, it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.

Of course Sunday is here for Easter 2011, but we wait and live with HOPE for our next ‘Sunday’ with Chris whenever that will be.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/life/Biology+hope+bolsters+Easter+central+message/4663871/story.html#ixzz1KRrA9apN

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Be The Best.

It’s Friday

Tony Campolo: Author and speaker on political ...
Image via Wikipedia

It’s Friday.

But Sunday’s coming.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard Dr. Tony Campolo speak.  An amazing orator, social activist and sometimes preacher.

If you’ve got 6 minutes, watch this video and listen to him go.

It’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.

Even before we lost Chris I always wondered about Good Friday.

What’s good about the cross and the suffering surrounding that event?

Not much.

The ‘good’ in Friday is the knowledge that Sunday is coming.

For Christians this is the core of the faith.  There is resurrection.  There is hope.  Sunday is coming.

For us as we long to see Chris again, we also recognize that it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.

You can call Friday good, but nothing really good happened on that day, but in context, Sunday was coming and things got really good.

So today we’ll say, “It’s Friday….but SUNDAY’S COMING!!”

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Be The Best.

Kick that.

The Karate Kid
Image via Wikipedia

Have you seen that Karate Kid movie?

I haven’t…but I watched a preview, read a review and someone talked to me about it so I pretty much have…

I did see the first generation of films in the 80’s, and I know the 2010 film garnered a lot of solid positive reviews.

It was watching the preview bits on a Blue-Ray disc though that really caught my eye and ear.

The Mr. Han character (the amazing Jackie Chan) states ‘Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to stand back up.’

You can see it here at about 49 seconds in.

Life will knock us down…but we can CHOOSE to get back up.

There’s that word again!!

During a week like this where for whatever reasons the feelings of loss are amplified, we continue to choose.

Rock your weekend.

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Be The Best.

Yearnin for Vernon

My Dad used that phrase a lot to help my Mom support the vision of a Vernon retirement about 13 years ago.

I’m Yearnin for Vernon he would say.

After another weekend visit, I’ll say I love Vernon, but I’m yearnin not to go up there every other weekend…!

We took the beautiful drive from Sun Peaks through Kamloops to Vernon Jubilee Hospital where we saw not one, but two parents on different floors.

Then something cool happened.

Dad was well enough to go for an adventure, and after Grace paved the way with the Nurses looking after Mom, Max and Ingrid negotiated a wheel chair and we took Dad to see his bride.  He told us he may be emotional and he was a bit.  These two still are deeply in love after 55 years plus…really great to see.

We also showed Mom and Dad the video from yesterday’s blog and Dad’s skis at the chapel in the sky at the top of Sun Peaks.  That was sort of cool.

Mom’s immunity continues low because of chemo treatment but her spirit was a strong as ever.  Currently a severe ear infection has her hospitalized.  As hard as it was to see her in a hospital bed, she’s getting good care.

Dad is unattached from all hoses and tubes which is a great thing!  He is moving on to short-term care in another facility before heading home once Mom is more fully recovered.

Someone asked me what more our family could take given the past year with losing Chris and current circumstances with my folks and my sister’s heart attack.

That answer is relatively simple.

Some things we can control and some are not within our control.

But…the one thing we ALWAYS control is our ability to make the next decision.  Simple things like making the decision to head to Vernon today.  I was very happy to have the chance for Max to see and talk with his Grandma and Grandpa with Ingrid as well.

You can’t buy those moments.  Every one is exceedingly special.

In a light-hearted exchange I told Dad that Max would be voting for the first time this election and that he was voting for the Green party (not that there is anything wrong with that!).  My Dad is a staunch Reformer/Conservative complete with official calendars of Stephen Harper wearing what appears to be a different sweater each month.  The look that Dad shot at Max was priceless and then Max admitted he was actually probably leaning towards Mark Warawa (Conservative), but he might need a calendar.  No problem Dad said, he had an extra.

Dad floats between that kind of sharpness and some less sharp times but his colour is good and the prognosis is pretty decent at this stage.

For every conversation and every ability to share a laugh…we are exceptionally thankful.  We controlled the ability to have that moment and took it.

Rock your week.

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Be The Best.

Balloons are fun?

I needed to get some balloons for the cemetery on Friday.

See any words that don’t sort of go together already?

So, I ‘googled’ dutifully and found a great supplier nearby…’Balloons-R-Fun’.  Seriously!?

I actually had a good telephone chat with the small biz owner and suggested she might change her business name as she told me how often she helps people with memorial situations.

Maybe something like, ‘Balloons-R-Fun and Maybe-They-R-Not-That-Fun’…or something like that.

In any event, she was very kind and Max picked up 20 helium filled balloons that afternoon.

One thing one should do when releasing balloons is check the wind conditions.  We had other things on our minds so when we released the first batch of balloons at 2:32 and 41 seconds, they flew right up into the big tree above Chris’ Dogwood wall.

What was actually very cool was Ethan’s balloon, which was the only one with a written message on it, got ‘stuck’ on the end of a branch out above the wall.  It was sort of like it was saying a special hello.  Ethan later sent off another balloon which you see in the video.  He’s wearing Chris’ Johns Hopkins lacrosse hoodie which is a lifetime classic and now proudly owned by Ethan.

Things got even more interesting when Chris’ friends let go of the four balloons we had left an hour or so later.  I didn’t realize what had happened until I saw the video later.  Three of the four balloons stay together and the fourth balloon is also moving upward, just slightly separated.

Pretty powerful symbolism.

Perhaps Balloons-r-Fun…or at least symbolic…

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Be The Best.

Where to start.

Yah, that’s right.

I said where to start.  It’s been a second but it’s been a year all at the same time.

I thought I might end this blog today, but I think I have about 365 blog posts after yesterday and today alone, so we’ll just get to them one by one!

Laying Chris’ ashes to rest inside the heavy granite chamber of the cemetery niche wall had a sense of finality to it, but also an amazing sense of peace.  It was simply the right thing to do.  Not only will we have a place to go and stand in the middle of these huge trees, but so will others.

This is truly a place that anyone of you can go and think and talk to Chris or remember.  We just love seeing Chris’ friends.  They are changing so much.  Getting so mature as they move towards their graduation milestones.  But more on that later.

The emotion sort of flowed a little for me at that moment of release.  I realized that I had personally watched over my son from the hospital to the funeral home, the service at the church, and then back to the funeral home and then every day for the last year.

On March 25, 2011 it was time to let go a little.

Not let go of Chris.  He is more part of me than ever before.

Simply, it was time to let go and let others also have a more physical connection to his memory.

Something that will live forever.

The bronze name plate is on its way, so you’ll see a simple laminated paper scan of the work for the next few weeks.

You are welcome anytime….between 9 and dusk that is!

Dogwood 41.

AC was there and sang Love Shines in the middle of those amazing trees.  It was awesome.  Not only that, she had set her sights on completing her new CD on March 25 and wouldn’t you know it, she picked up 2,000 copies that morning.  We’ve played it all weekend.  Love it Cath.

I want to invite you all to her gala concert at the wonderfully acoustic Matsqui Auditorium in Clearbrook on Sat, April 16.  (Yes, that is on the VALLEY side of the Port Mann Bridge for my Vancouver readers…(just a little running joke with some of you!))

I’m pretty proud of that girl.  You can read a great newspaper story on her music here.

Here’s a few pics from the cemetery so you get a sense.

At 2:32:41 we released some balloons and looked up and said hi to Chris.

I know many of you did too.

Love it.

As we watch balloons go up, you see the walls in the background guarded by the trees.
Balloons released. Nice shot Max!
Temporary marker...you get a sense of how it will look.
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Be The Best.

How to make today great.

Chris and Max jump the California surf (summer 2009)

I slept pretty well, but woke up early…like 4am early.

Is that an oxymoronish statement?  Maybe…but it’s an interesting insight into our world.

I did sleep well, just not all that long.

Today is not necessarily a great day…or is it?

Obviously as we mark one year to the day that we lost Chris there are a lot of emotions flowing through our minds and bodies.  We wish so deeply we could give him a real hug and see him again here on earth.  But we can’t.

But we can continue to make choices.  We can continue to live with a strong purpose.  We can use Chris’ passion to fuel us on our journeys.  We can continue to strive to Be The Best in everything we do.

Here’s three things that can help make today great.

1. Hug someone you love today.  (if you’re at work, make sure this isn’t an awkward moment..!!) 😉

2. Give something away. (not money…I’m talking about a smile, your expertise, a compliment, word of encouragement)

3. Live on purpose with purpose. This is the core of the Be The Best thinking.

Is today going to be hard? Probably…they all are.

Is today going to be great? With every ‘I’m the Captain of my Soul’ ounce of energy I have, I will keep making decisions all day long to make this day as great as possible.  One of the ‘greatest ever’.

(To understand that last paragraph you need to reference the Invictus blogs and The Best Day Ever blog)

Sort of makes saying, ‘Have a Great Day!’ a little deeper doesn’t it?

I THANK all of you for your support reading this blog and your thoughts and prayers throughout this year.

Be The Best.

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Be The Best.

2, 32, 41

No, those are not a sequence of numbers uttered by a football quarterback.

Those are jersey numbers Chris wore and was known for.

#2 in Langley.

#32 for Burnaby Mountain Selects

#41 proudly representing the great province of British Columbia

Tomorrow, March 25, is quite a day.

One year ago we lost our son.

Not a day or hour goes by without a thought of him.  Most hours the thoughts continue minute by minute.

We have found a place for people to come and remember Chris.

His ashes will remain forever at the Langley Lawn Cemetery at 208 and 44th.

It’s a beautiful place with 6 granite memorial walls in a stand of trees near 208th avenue.

When we went to view the walls, we found that two of the six walls were dedicated to individuals and four to couples.

One was called Maple and one was called Dogwood.

Wouldn’t you know it, Maple 32 was available as was Dogwood 41.

Maple 32 is amazing because the BMS logo is a Maple Leaf.

Dogwood 41 is amazing because Dogwood is the provincial flower and 41 was the number Chris wore for the province when he played at the Nationals in 2009.

Because of a few logistical reasons, we’ve chosen Dogwood 41 as the final resting place.

It’s a beautiful place to go.

Our family will be there tomorrow, joined a bit later by a few of Chris’ friends.  We wanted to show them personally where they can go to remember Chris so that they in turn can show others.

The journey continues, but this is a huge step for us.

I know my Dad in the ICU in Vernon is with us in spirit as is my Mom from Vernon and other family that can’t be with us personally. (health update: Dad is inching forward…very slow, but steady right now which is good)

Although tomorrow is a day for family and Chris’ close friends, we welcome anyone over the next weeks and months to stop by and spend a few minutes in thought about how passionately Chris lived his life and how he was determined to Be The Best.

I’ll never forget him writing down the goal of making the A1 Langley Thunder Lacrosse team.

I’ve never seen a kid so driven to achieve that goal.  He made it.  It was amazing.

Thanks for your continued support and all the thoughts and prayers coming our way this week.

We feel it!

PS

At 2:32 and 41 seconds, we will be looking up at the sky and saying hi to Chris.

If you want to take a quick look up at the sky at any time tomorrow and say hi to Chris, please do!  I know he would love it.  Dad…that’s you too!!  I know you can see the sky from your hospital bed!!

PPS

This blog has never been about money and never will be, but some people have asked what else they can do.  We will continue to give to Chris’ fund every year via Simon Fraser University’s giving program.  It’s a way to remember Chris and also challenge a new athlete every year to Be The Best.  The University has just set up a direct link for Chris’ fund.  They handle all donation receipts etc directly.  Here’s the link.

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Silver skies and Silver stars.

Medical update: My sister Grace was discharged from hospital and is home. Great news! Dad continues in ICU. He had a stable day and Docs are cautiously optimistic.  Things will continue to be day by day.  THANKS for all the continued thoughts and prayers and connections as we travel these interesting roads!

I can’t come up to Vernon without thinking about skiing.  A couple of weeks back when we went up the hill before the medical issues escalated.  It was a fantastic time for a number of reasons.  I had a great day with Max and his girlfriend Kiera, I was able to ski on Dad’s skis and have them navigate the mountain on his behalf as he couldn’t be there in person this season.  The last reason was one that I haven’t written about before.

Remember back in the day when you had those wire things that held day passes that you would attach to your jacket?  I would wear those with honour, building them up 1, 2, 5, 10 of them to prove how much skiing had taken place and the mountains conquered.  I guess old habits don’t change too much as I took out my ski jacket for this recent trip and noticed I had a few tags still on my jacket.  The one that stood out was Jan 1, 2010.  We had gone to Silverstar with Chris and a buddy for a few days of snow activity.  It was an awesome trip.  I hadn’t skied since then.  This year’s trip was for Max (and Kiera!), Dad and Chris.

It was awesome.  Here’s a little vid action with a shout out to Chris included.

There will be much more on Chris and remembrance as we head towards next Friday which of course marks one year since he passed away.